


Every Reason I Loved Her

by NunchiGoya



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Community: fairytale_thon, F/M, Falling for You: A Nalu Autumn Event, Fanfiction, Love, NaLu Love Fest, Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia Fluff, POV Gray Fullbuster, Protective Gray Fullbuster, Protective Natsu Dragneel, Romance, happilyeverafter, lovestory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 35
Words: 68,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28662606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NunchiGoya/pseuds/NunchiGoya
Summary: Natsu loves Lucy, Lucy loves NatsuTheir whole relationship has been as easy as breathing but lately Natsu notices Lucy acting strangely, he trusts her but he'd do anything to protect her but how can he do that when she won't tell him what's wrong.Maybe she's tired of him... maybe... she's just now realizing what he knew the whole time... she's too good for him.(This story will have daily updates)
Relationships: Gray Fullbuster/Juvia Lockser, Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	1. I Love Lucy Heartfilia

I hear her music before I’ve completely woken up. I can hear her feet padding along the carpet as she dances to her music. I turn over and watch her. The sun rise casts streams of light over her as she swishes her hips and turns. Her arms reach toward the ceiling, as she does, the two black outlined stars on the front of her shoulder perfectly displayed. Her eyes are closed, her long blonde hair spilling over her shoulders and down her back. She has a cup of tea in her hand, the one with the Eiffel tower on it and Paris written across it. I can smell the pumpkin spice from over here. She peels her eyes open and smiles when she sees me.  
“Morning.” She giggles plopping down on the bed. She offers me a cookie.  
“Isn’t it too early for sweets?” I ask as she waves the cookie back and forth in front of me.   
“Nope.” She smiles at me “not when you have tea.” She sips her tea, her reddish-brown lipstick leaving a perfect print of her lips on the cup.  
“You’ve already got your make up on?” I grab my phone and check the time “it’s only six.” I drop my head back.   
“I know.” She says nodding her head, “the suns up.” She smiles.  
“Suns up so you’re up.” I roll my eyes, she says it every morning. I wrap my arm around her waist and slide her across the bed toward me and hold her against me. She giggles and holds her cup steady and she eats her cookie and everything is perfect. She is perfect.  
“I love you, Lucy.” I breathe in her scent as I press my face into her back. She’s not floral like perfume, she just smells like Lucy.   
“I love you, Natsu.” She giggles and she sips her tea and her fuzzy pajamas are soft against my face. God I love this girl I think as I hold her. I don’t want to let her go when she taps my arm and wiggles to escape my grasp.  
“Up, let’s go.” She says spanking me.  
“Too early for that.” I mumble pulling the pillow over my head, leaving just enough room to watch her walk out.  
“I’ll leave without you.” She calls back.  
“I’m up!” I close my eyes just for one more minute.

“Natsu!” She snaps ripping the blanket away from me. “Come on, lets go.”  
“Where?” I ask, she’s already dressed, she dresses like a hippie. Her sweater is striped with black, grey, white and yellow. Her jeans hug her curves perfectly leading down to her heeled boots. She’s wearing her favorite black fedora, the one with the smaller brim. She extends a similar fedora to me.  
“Match with me today.” She’s smiling. I think matching is kind of cheesy but if it makes her happy, I’m okay with it.   
“Did you pick my clothes out before or after yours?” I ask still in bed. She smiles “come find out. She sets the hat down and tugs on my arm. “Let’s go.” She pulls on my arm, I sigh and help her drag me out of bed.   
The smell of coffee is all I care about as I stir the instant coffee into my own mug. Lucy is perched on the make-shift window seat in the corner as she sips on her second cup of tea . I take a seat at the table, it’s too early to be staring directly into the sun but she loves it. It’s like she’s afraid of missing even a second of the sun. Her eyes are closed when I look back at her, she’s feeling the sun on her skin, the warmth of the cup in her hand. She appreciates those things, I just appreciate her.  
“What time are Grey and Juvia meeting us at the café?” I ask her. Lucy doesn’t open her eyes, she just angles her face the slightest bit toward me. “ten.” She says. Her chest rises and falls as she breathes deeply.  
“That sounds like we can fit an hour or two nap in before we go.” I suggest drinking my own morning addiction.  
“Or we could go and explore the area around the Café and then meet up with them.” She suggests her face never losing its relaxed expression.  
“or…we could explore afterward.” I suggest.  
“You can take a nap.” She says.  
“Just me?” I ask. I love her curious nature but she can be difficult to keep up with.   
“I can explore on my own for a bit and meet up with you at the Café with Grey and Juvia.” There’s not a trace of annoyance on her face or in her voice right now. That’s another thing I love about her, she never holds a grudge.  
“Fine.” I sigh “I’ll come with you, but you owe me a donut.”  
“I’ve got just enough for a donut.” She smiles, her eyes gliding open to look at me. Her eyes are this super dark brown, they almost look like the same color as her lipstick when the light shines directly on them.   
“Alright then, I’m bought.” I take another drink and she goes back to watching the sun rise and we don’t talk. I love that we don’t need to talk. 

“Here here here!” Lucy jumps onto the edge of a fountain and hands me her phone “take a picture of me!” She’s so excited over nothing. I raise the phone as she poses.  
“You’re awfully excited about a fountain.” I say.  
“It’s not just a fountain.” She smiles wide with her mouth open and her leg up and I take another picture.   
“The sun hits here so perfectly.” She raises her arms to the sky and she spins and I wonder how she doesn’t fall. I take another picture because I want to look at them when I don’t have her next to me.   
“Over here!” Lucy jumps off the fountain edge and sits on a bench. She crosses her legs and holds her arms out in an exaggerated shrug and I take another picture.   
“Sit.” She orders patting the seat beside her. I do and she wraps her arms around me and I turned the camera on us. She hangs on my neck and my shoulders and she sticks her tongue out and holds out a peace sign and I take another picture. She turns and she smiles at me and I take another picture. I kiss her and I take another picture. I love the way her lips feel against mine.   
“It’s almost time.” she says against my lips. I pull her into my lap and I take another picture.  
“They can wait.” I say not breaking the kiss.  
“It’s rude to keep people waiting.” She kisses me back and she hops out of my lap and she’s standing there and she’s got that look on her face that says she’s feeling impatient. “Life’s too short for waiting.” She grabs my hand and she pulls me up and we run down the street to the café and I love the way her hand feels around mine. 

I let her lead me to our usual booth in the center of the biggest window, she pulls me in and she presses against the window.   
“It’s nine fifty-eight.” I tell her “what if they keep us waiting.”  
“Then I’ll drink tea and you’ll drink coffee and we’ll enjoy each other’s presence.” She watches the people outside the window, her face so close her breath is fogging it.   
“Can I start you off with something.” A waitress comes to our table with a notebook and pen with a big fuzzy thing on one end.  
“Yeah, if we could get a black coffee and a tea please.” I offer a smile to the waitress.   
“Sure thing, what kind of tea?” The waitress glances to Lucy, guessing who the tea is for. Lucy turns a brilliant smile on the waitress “chamomile, please.”  
“Little early for caffeine free, isn’t it?” the waitress smiles at her, Lucy smiles back. I love her smile.  
“If she had anymore caffeine she wouldn’t be sitting.” I joke. The waitress laughs and Lucy wrinkles her nose at me and goes back to staring out of the window. I take the chance to check my phone. There’s an email notification at the top of the screen, one of the agents I queried. My hands shake as I click on the email.

Thank you for your submitting your work to us. Unfortunately, we don’t feel this is the right fit for us. We wish you the best in your pursuits.

“Dang.” I sigh and go to delete it when I feel Lucy rest her head against my shoulder.   
“You’ll get it.” She says, wrapping her arms around my arm. She tilts her head back trying to maneuver around her hat and presses her lips to my cheek. “The right one will take your book, you’ll see.” She says, I can feel her smile against my cheek.   
“Thanks.” I tuck my phone away and take her hand with my other arm that was one of my top five. I try to shake the disappointment off, I knew this was going to be hard when I started. I just didn’t know rejection was going to actually hurt. Good thing I have Lucy to soothe the sting. I kiss the top of Lucy’s hat.  
“Lucy!” Juvia screams.  
“Juvia!” Lucy’s voice is much gentler than Juvia’s.  
“You okay?” She whispers to me. I nod and Lucy swings her legs over me and throws herself at Juvia.   
“Hey man.” Grey maneuvers around Juvia and Lucy and slides into the opposite side of the booth.   
“Hey.” I exhale and sit back.  
“Another rejection?” Grey asks.  
“Yeah.” I nod as Lucy and Juvia step over Grey and me and take the seats next to the window.   
“So…” Lucy leans over the table “how’ve you been?” she asks.  
“You mean since two weeks ago, when we last saw them?” I laugh.   
Lucyslides a glance at me “a lot can happen in two weeks.” She says. “We got together within two weeks and we got our apartment in two weeks.” She turns her eyes back to Juvia.  
“You know you don’t challenge her.” Juvia giggles. Her hair is a mess of curls, her skin a coppery golden color. Lucy is a little jealous, in a friendly kind of way, of Juvia’s skin. I try not to think of the conversations Lucy and I have had over Juvia.   
“He’s still sleepy.” Lucy explains, as the waitress comes back with our drinks.  
“Two more coffees.” Juvia says, “and could we get a bowl of creamers and sugar packets too please.”   
“And a blueberry donut.” Lucy tacks on, smiling at me.  
“Alrighty.” Hazel, the waitress bobs her head and goes to retrieve the coffees.  
“We’ve been good.” Juvia says, sliding a smile at Grey. Grey smiles back “just hanging out, exploring the city… dropping to one knee…” Juvia dangles a hand in front of Lucy and Lucy squeals.  
“He did not!” She exclaims excitedly looking Juvia’s hand over.  
“What?” I try to look passed Lucy but she’s practically on the table now.  
“Natsu, look!” She squeaks yanking Juvia’s hand over the table for me to see. Sitting on Juvia’s ring finger is a small clear stone.  
“You didn’t, Grey.” I can’t help the laughter bubbling out of me.   
“Course I did.” Grey snakes his arm out around Juvia and pulls her against him “I love her, I want her to be mine forever and I want everyone to know it.” Grey pulls Juvia against him and I slide a glance at Lucy. She’s smiling, her face glowing as she looks at Grey and Juvia. Her eyes just a little bit unfocused, maybe imagining me proposing to her. Should I? I wonder as she rests her chin on her hand. I don’t even have money for a ring I think sweat starting to bead along my hairline thanks a lot, man I glare at Grey across the table but he’s too busy with Juvia to notice.   
“You guys are so cute.” Lucy says, sitting back in the chair. I try to find a trace of jealousy or longing on her face but when she turns her eyes to me, she just looks content.   
“Aren’t they?” She asks me. I’ve never met a person as sincere as Lucy, I can’t help but smile back at her even though I’m still bummed over the rejection letter and the news Grey one upping me on good boyfriend status.   
“Yeah.” I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her against me “they’re so cute.” I mimic her, she laughs and she lets herself rest against me as she takes a drink of her tea. I love you I think to her, willing her to hear me.   
“I love you, Natsu.” She whispers into her cup just loud enough for me to hear. 

“Here we go.” Hazel brings the coffees out and hands me my donut.  
“big spenders today, huh?” Grey joke with me.  
“My motivation for the day.” Lucy pipes in.  
“Lucy!” Juvia giggles “you can’t bribe your boyfriend.”  
“Of course, I can.” Lucy says matter of fact, “but this was more of an incentive than a bribe.”   
“Same difference.” Juvia rolls her eyes and pushes the bowl of creamers and packets of sugar to Lucy.  
“A bribe indicates something dishonest or illegal.” Lucy says, “an incentive is motivation.” Lucy starts opening the creamers and pours them in one at a time, Juvia shakes her head. I catch Juvia’s eye “you know you don’t challenge her, Juvia.” I laugh and Juvia throws a creamer at me.  
“Hey, no wasting food.” Lucy crouches under the table and grabs the creamer and peels it open.  
“You’re right.” Juvia says “I’m sorry. I’ll finish my coffee and throw my cup at him instead.”  
“I guess that’s better.” Lucy finished fixing Juvia’s coffee and sits back. Her eyes drifting to the window again, her hands curl around her cup. Her smile is soft, her eyes dreaming. I pull my eyes away from her as she turns her eyes back to Juvia as if she suddenly remembered her friend is here.  
“Dude.” Grey punches me on the arm.  
“Yeah.” I look at him.  
“Be my best man.” He’s got a huge grin stretched across his face, his arm around Juvia’s shoulders.   
“Me?” I ask.   
Grey laughs “Yeah, of course.” Grey holds his arms out “who else?”  
“Jason?” I guess. Grey rolls his eyes “dude, you’ve been my best friend for the last six years. I thought asking Juvia to marry me was gonna be the hardest part.”  
I slide a glance at Lucy, she’s got this huge smile all the way across her face say yes she mouths to me.  
“Yeah.” I say “sure.”   
Grey stands up “He said yes!” he yells to the café. Applause breaks out and I drop my head back part from embarrassment and part out of disbelief Grey getting married I shake my head. who’d have thought it?  
Lucy and Juvia laugh and applaud and Grey takes my hand holds it up. The waitress comes back with pieces of apple pie for everyone and a couple three tables down pays our bill.  
“You’re an idiot, Grey.” I shake my head at him.  
“He did get us a free meal.” Lucy says wrapping her arms around me.  
“Yeah, you should be thanking him.” Juvia giggles, her arm wrapped around Grey while he drapes his arm over her shoulders.   
“Except I’m gonna have a problem with sharing.” Juvia turns narrowed eyes on Grey.  
“babe.” Grey drops his head to the side.  
“Yeah, Grey.” Lucy says leaning around me as we walk. “I’m not okay with sharing, Natsu. We kind of already have a thing.”   
“Okay, okay.” Grey sighs and sweeps Juvia off her feet. “Guess It’s just me and you then.” Grey kisses her, Lucy pulls me to a stop right there, pulls her phone out and presses her lips to mine. She snaps a picture and leans back, her eyes following the rays of the sun peeking through the buildings.   
“The light is perfect here.” She smiles and tucks her phone away.  
“Wait, let me see it.” I reach for her phone but she steps away and shakes her head. Her eyes bright with amusement “it’s a secret.” She kisses me again and takes my hand and she runs to catch up with Juvia and Grey. I love the way she keeps these little secrets.   
Juvia and Grey stand beside Lucy and me and we walk in no particular direction. None of us are on our phones. That’s Lucy’s rule, when we’re together we stay off our phones except a few pictures or a video along the way.   
“Lucy.” Juvia says as she and Lucy drift closer to each other.   
“Yes.” Lucy links arms with Lucy.  
“Be my maid of honor.” Juvia smiles, Lucy smiles.  
“Duh.” She says, “it took you long enough to ask.”   
“Well, Grey kind of took the moment.” Juvia glances over her shoulder at us and makes a face at Grey.  
“You’re right.” Lucy sighs “thanks a lot Grey.” She slides a playfully annoyed glance at Grey.  
“Man… I just can’t do anything right today.” Grey sighs but he’s still smiling. I’ve never seen him so relaxed. Like asking Juvia to marry him put him at a new level of peace. I watch Lucy again should I ask her? I wonder but how would I get a ring? I kind of want to punch Grey, Lucy must be wondering when I’ll ask her, maybe she’s questioning our relationship now. She’ll look for someone ready to marry her now.  
“Dude.” Grey punches me on the arm again.  
“Dude.” I snap at him rubbing my arm. That one actually kind of hurt.   
“Stop worrying.” Grey says looking serious “you and Lucy are solid, now was just… it was just the right time for us.” Grey sighs as if he just breathed years of stress away.   
“How am I gonna know if now is right for her but not me? What if she doesn’t even want to marry me?”  
“Talk to her.” Grey says “Juvia and I, we talk, I knew she wanted to get married soon and after talking to her about why… I realized I did too so…” Grey shrugs “here we are, getting married on September 16th of next year.”  
“Doing a big wedding?” I ask.   
“Juvia’s doing a big wedding. I just taste cake and show up.” Grey locks his arms behind his head. Lucy’s phone rings, Lucy always puts her phone on silent when we go out. She takes a look at the number on her phone, her brows draw together.  
“Sorry guys. I’m waiting for a phone call.” Lucy steps away and answers the call. Her eyes narrow a bit.  
“I told you not to call me again.” she tries to whisper but I can hear the anger in it. Lucy doesn’t get angry over anything.  
“Hey.” Lucy walks over to me and tucks herself under my arm. She wraps an arm around her stomach and chews on her thumbnail.  
“everything okay?” I ask pulling her hair off her shoulder.  
“huh…” Lucy glances at all of us staring at her. the anger and confusion vanishes as if it were never there and she smiles “yeah, just… wrong number.” Lucy is a bad liar. I love that’s she’s a bad liar.   
“Oh, guys.” Grey glances at the time “I got work in a bit so I gotta bounce.”   
“Quick photoshoot.” Lucy pulls her phone out first and we all pose. Juvia with Grey. I roll my eyes and hold my hand out for the camera. Lucy snaps a few more of me and Grey and me and Juvia before she hands me the camera. Grey and Lucy stand on either side of Juvia and plant a kiss on each cheek. I take all the pictures they pose for and then we squish in for a few group pics, of course, Juvia has a selfie stick on hand.   
“We’ll catch you later.” Lucy and I wave to Grey and Juvia as they run to catch the subway.  
“What now?” I ask Lucy. She could ask to go shopping, which she does love. She could corner me now and demand why I haven’t asked her to marry me, she doesn’t. Instead she smiles and she takes a deep breath and she nods toward the streets. “This.”  
“This what?” I ask.  
“Walk…be with each other.” She says.  
“Are you sure you don’t want to do something more fun?” I ask. She shakes her head “you’ve got to go to work in a few hours, I won’t see you until three in the morning and then I work tomorrow morning and I won’t see you again until after one. This is perfect.” She says, “just me and you after a nice morning with our friends.”  
“Okay.” I kiss the top of her head, the subtle scent of her fruity shampoo filling my nose. I love her shampoo.


	2. I Love Her Breath on my Skin

I run from table to table, cleaning them off as waitresses rush to set new places and the dinner rush surges in. The atmosphere is calm, the usual instrumental music playing in the background, the regulars coming in for their regular dinners but the staff is rushing, these people with their expensive shoes and designer watches have no idea what it looks like in the back. Everyone rushing around, everyone struggling to get things out on time and looking good. Its organized chaos as I rush back with the plates and drop them in the sink. I pull on some gloves and start washing the plates. The water is scolding as I rinse the plates off and drop them in the dish washer. My hands are red when they come out but I head back out and ready for round two anyway. I ignore the sweat on my forehead as I smile and I clear plates. I greet people and ask them how their meal is and in the back corner I see a little girl with a cupcake in front of her, a single candle in the center as her parents sing to her in some language I don’t know. I imagine it’s their equivalent of the Happy Birthday song. I pause for just a second to watch. I remember how my mom sang to me with a premade cake from the grocery store and those trick candles. She loved birthdays and holidays and any day that was an excuse to pay more attention to me. I feel a little pang at the absence of my mom. Six years and it still hurts to think about, the car accident, the healing. Man, Lucy saved my life. Even two years after the accident I was low, I never really did make peace with losing my mom. Not until Lucy came into my life and knocked me right off my feet. Literally, we just ran into each other and we were listening to the same song and I said something stupid and cheesy. To this day, I know she only said yes out of pity for me but hey, love is love, right?  
“Natsu.” Lisana barks “get a little pep in your step, would ya?” she flies by me with a big tray of food. I go back to gathering the dishes. I stop by the birthday girls table and I clear their plates.  
“Birthday?” I ask not faking my interest for this one.   
“I’m seven now!” The girl squeaks. Holding her hands up.   
“Woah!” I exclaim “congratulations.” Her parents laugh and she smiles at them and they’re a picture perfect family.   
“Enjoy the rest of your birthday.” I give her a thumbs up and her giggles follow me into the back as I wash another round of dishes. Rinse and repeat. 

It shouldn’t only be midnight I think as I clear the final tables off and take the dishes back to the kitchen. The waitresses are tired as they count their tips and do the books. My legs are killing me as I start on the never-ending dishes piled in the sink. The usual slackers already bailed, the usual workers, me, stayed to pick up the slack. I yawn as I scrub at the dishes. I close my eyes just to rest them for a second.  
“Natsu.” Lisana pats me on the back. “Wanna go out with me and the others for a few drinks?” she asks. I shake my head and give her a smile “nah, my girl’s waiting for me at home.” I say. I love calling Lucy my girl.  
“Come on.” Lisana presses “I know a great new place right down the way.” Lisana pulls herself up onto the counter beside the sink and swings her legs. I love it when Lucy does that, she just looks so carefree.  
“Thanks.” I say and her face changes for a second, her eyes are a little brighter.  
“but I’m gonna head home as soon as I finish up here.” I say and her eyes droop a little. Lisana had a thing for me long before I met Lucy.  
“Well,” Lisana tries to recover herself “when can we hang out?” she asks “just because you’re dating that girl-”  
“Lucy.” I put in for her.  
“Lucy.” Lisana smiles on Lucy’s name, Lisana can be pushy and possessive sometimes but no one can resist Lucy.   
“It doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with your old friends too.” She gives me a toothy smile and I shake my head at her, stifling another yawn. “Really, thanks.” I say to her “but Lucy’s waiting for me and she works in the morning.” I tuck the dish into the rack and start on the pots. “I don’t want her to worry.”  
“Right.” Lisana says “yeah, I get it.” She pinches my cheek “just the considerate type, aren’t you?” she laughs and she hopes of the counter, smoothing her skirt as she does. She smiles at me and I know there’s no hard feelings. Lisana gets it, a night out drinking doesn’t even hold a candle to spending a night in with Lucy.   
“Gotta get home to the bae.” She clears her throat and takes a few steps back “Maybe next time.” She pauses at the doors.  
“Maybe.” I call back rubbing at my eyes with the back of my hand.  
“Well… bye.” Lisana calls.  
“bye.” I yawn as the door swings closed. I go back to washing the pots and resting my eyes every few minutes so that I don’t just pass out on Lucy when I get home. I want to spend a little bit of time with her before we both have to go to sleep and she has to go to work. 

***  
I stand on the train even though the seats are empty because I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep and miss my stop again. My feet ache and my eye lids are heavier than eyelids should be but at least I’m on my way to Lucy now. 

Lucy is exactly as I knew she’d be. She’s curled up on the couch with a cup of tea in hand binge watching some show I keep seeing but still don’t actually know the name of. I tiptoe behind her and I grab her from behind. She screams and her tea flies out of her hand onto the carpet.  
“Natsu!” She scolds me pressing her hand to her chest “not funny.” She breathes a sigh exhaling her fright away. I laugh internally to myself, she’s always ‘breathing’ something away.   
“Miss me?” I ask as I grab her cup from the ground and slide onto the couch next to her. how she looks wide awake at three in the morning I’ll never understand. The only sign she’s ready for bed is her make-up free face. The shorts and tank top she’s in could just as easily be yesterdays clothes as tonight’s pajamas.   
“I did until you did that.” She whacks me against the chest and frowns at me but then a second passes her, her features smooth out and she wraps her arms around me and she’s kissing me, and this time she’s not breathing anything away, she’s taking my breath away. I hold her in my arms and she slides onto my lap and she rests her head on my shoulder and I can see her getting tired now. As if her mind refused to rest until she saw me again. I scoop her into my arms, struggling a little as I stand. It’s not that Lucy is heavy, although she’s not a twig either, it’s that I’m not really all that strong. Still, she helps me with her arms latched around my neck as I carry her across the living room and through the tiny hallway and we fall into bed.  
“I love you.” She sighs as she curls into my side. She could complain about my work clothes, they are gross and she is sleeping on me, but she doesn’t. I love that she doesn’t complain about things.   
I slip my shirt off anyway because I know it gross. I kick my shoes off and I curl around her. She snores a few harsh snores and she turns onto her back and sprawls over top of me. Her hair falls into my mouth. I sputter it out and push it away from me but I leave her there. I don’t mind it. I love that she’s not perfect. I love that she’s perfectly herself, perfectly Lucy.   
I’m tired but I watch her anyway, I can sleep while she’s at work tomorrow. I can make her a nice lunch before she comes home, I think we’ve got some eggs and a few vegetables in the fridge. I should really go to the grocery store tomorrow. Lucy always goes, I shouldn’t expect her to, she gets busy too.  
I’ll go to the store and I’ll cook her lunch tomorrow and if I can find some flowers on sale I’ll get her those too. I squeeze her against my chest, she loves gestures like that. She doesn’t need some grand fairytale, she deserves it but she doesn’t look for it. She’s just content with everything she has even if everything she has is a closet full of thrifted clothing and a fridge with a few eggs and possibly some vegetables.   
All I need is her, to be happy. 

***

The sun assaults my eyes far too soon as Lucy’s music plays from the kitchen and her tea kettle whistles. I groan and roll over, hiding my face in the blankets. Five more minutes.  
“I’ll see you later.” Lucy’s voice is like music.  
“Mmhmm.” I nod okay, get up now I tell myself. Lucy’s lips are soft when she presses a kiss to my cheek.  
“I’ll bring home lunch.” She whispers padding out of the room.  
“mmhhmm.” Five more minutes I think pulling the blanket over my eyes.

***

“Natsu…” Lucy sings, the smell of sausage and egg coaxing me out of my sleep.   
“mmhhmm.” I yawn pulling myself out of my cocoon. “Awe yeah…” The paper crinkles as she presses the biscuit into my hands.  
“Hey sleepy head.” She giggles and kisses me. I love her kisses.  
“Morning.” I yawn around the bite of food in my mouth. She wrinkles her nose at the sight of my half-chewed food.  
“Sorry.” I cover my mouth slowly coming fully into the day.   
“It’s okay.” She smiles at me, tilting her head so her hair falls over her shoulder. “but it’s more like good afternoon now.” She sits in her house shorts on the edge of the bed. I give her leg a squeeze they’re a little prickly but I don’t care, it just means she’s comfortable around me. Besides, she never complains about me not shaving regularly. She’s a full supporter of no shave November.   
“What time is it?” I ask reaching for my phone. She catches my hand and climbs into my lap “Cuddle time.” She says curling into my chest, she grabs an apple out of the bag on her arm and leans into me.  
“It’s always cuddle time with you.” I snort. She nods and presses her head against my chest, her eyes closed as she munches on her apple.   
“Cuddle time is a happy time.” She says smiling.  
“Yeah.” I pull her hair off her shoulder and smooth it back. It doesn’t quite stay with the big waves in it but at least she won’t eat it by accident.   
“What are you thinking about?” I take a giant bite out of my sandwich.   
“Bora Bora.” She breathes dreamily. “How warm it is there, the villas on the water.” She bites her apple “Maldives… same thing different location.” She wraps her arm around me “basically just thinking of places I want to go with you the second we get the chance.” She’s smiling, there’s no rush to her words. She’s just dreaming of the adventures she’ll have in time. I feel a pang of guilt because I can’t give her these things yet and another pang because I was supposed to feed her today and she woke me with the scent of sausage and bacon. Lucy is the best girlfriend ever and I can’t even go to the grocery store for her.  
“I’m thinking spaghetti for dinner tonight.” She says turning the apple over in her hands.   
“I can make spaghetti.” I volunteer. She lets her head fall back so that I can look at her, she reaches up and pushes her hand into my hair, her semi colon tattoo sitting there on the inside of her wrist.   
“Are you offering to cook me dinner?” Her smile fills her face and touches her eyes but I can see a little bit of a challenge there. I take her hand, my own semi colon tattoo hidden on the inside of my index finger.   
“Yeah.” I say, “I guess I am.” I hunch over and kiss her, the apple juice is sweet on her lips.   
“I love you.” Her voice is soft, sincere. Her breath tickles me.  
“I love you.” I love her breath on my skin. 

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Dear you,

I can’t bear it any longer, I can’t deal with him, I can’t look at him, I can’t watch him destroy himself. I won’t watch it, either of them. I just can’t, it’ll break me and I’m already not doing too hot to start with.  
I’m so sorry, I have to. I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m leaving and I’m not speaking to him again, until he gets himself together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading   
> XOXO


	3. I Love Falling in Love with Her

“No, I told you no already.” Lucy hisses at the phone, I can see her through the window in the living room.   
“Absolutely not, you’ve made your choices and I’ve made mine and that’s the end of it.” Her voice quivers, she’s angry and sad, her voice always does that when she’s trying to be strong about things she doesn’t want to be strong about.   
“I’m happy.” She says more firmly.  
Like last year when her dog had to be put down. She didn’t want to cry, she even quoted something from her favorite book. Someone about not saying goodbye because goodbyes meant forgetting. Something like that, I’m not good at quoting things like she is. I’m more of a gist kind of guy,  
“That’s the end of it, Owen, don’t call me again.” She lets her hand drop her phone away from her ear and she sits on the stoops of the apartment building. She hangs her head between her legs, the brim of her pale pinkish fedora hitting her knees. I hate seeing her sad.   
I step out and sit beside her on the steps. She doesn’t even react, her eyes are closed, there’s a single tear slipping down her cheek. I use my index finger to wipe it away and she jumps. Her eyes filled with her surprise.  
“Natsu.” She sighs and settles into an easy smile. The smile she reserves for me. “you gave me a fright.” She pats her hand over her heart. I love the way she says things  
“You okay?” I ask wrapping my arm around her, she leans into me and nods.   
“Yeah, totally. Everything is good.” She smiles and pushes herself to her feet. Her eyes are a little red but she puts on a good face.  
“Who was on the phone?” I ask, she doesn’t usually keep things from me.  
“Oh nobody?” She waves it off and offers me her hand.  
“Lucy.” I shake my head at her. “You’re a terrible liar.”   
She bites her lips and tilts her head and her eyes travel up to the sky for a moment.  
“No one important.” She amends bringing her eyes back to mine.  
“Now we could keep talking about this.” She says, “or we could go out and take a walk in the park, the same park we met in and…” she takes both of my hands and tugs me to my feet. “run into each other again.”  
“Are you asking to fall in love again?” I ask her. She bites her lips and looks to the sky again.  
“A refresher is always good.” She giggles and tugs me forward. 

The park is nice, not too crowded, not too cold. Lucy bounce steps beside me, her arms locked around mine, her hair swinging behind her in her hastily thrown up pony tail. She hums a song I don’t recognize as her eyes trail over the world.   
“It’s by Niall.” She says her eyes resting on min.  
“oh yeah?” I ask.  
She nods “yeah, it’s new; it’s called Flicker.” She twirls out in front of me and starts to sing out loud. I can’t even focus on the words as she takes me hands and makes them dance. She holds my arm up and spins under it and she sways and she smiles and god I love her soul.   
“Dance with her!” A man’s voice calls out and people cheer and I let her lead me across the pavement as I take her in my arms. The crowd cheers again as I pull her close and she rests her head on my shoulder.   
“I love you.” I whisper to her.  
“I love you.” She hugs me close and pulls her back just enough for a kiss.   
“In front of all these people?” I ask. She just smiles, big and beautiful and Lucy.  
“What people?”   
I peck her on the mouth, soft, sweet, her favorite kind of kiss. The small crowd that gathered around cheers. I look up past her and see a much older couple dancing while they sing together.  
“Yeah!” Lucy cheers, her eyes misting up as she watches the older couples dancing. Their grey hair and canes and bent postures but Lucy looks at them like she’s at some amazing ballet. She’s bouncing on her feet and a tear slips down her cheek. I wrap my arm around her and press a kiss to her temple.  
“That’ll be us someday.” I say.   
“Yeah?” She asks.  
“Promise.” I say as she dabs at her eyes trying to smear her makeup.  
“They’re just really beautiful.” She giggles, her eyes still watching the couples. Some of the crowd as taken a seat and are just watching the couple dance.   
A middle-aged man sings to a little girl, she dances on his shoes and laughs, her hair is a mess, and there’s something all over her mouth and chin but the man, her father, kisses her nose and spins her.   
“Love is so beautiful.” She wraps her arms around herself and just watches and I squeeze her to my side because I fall in love with her every time we come here. I love falling in love with her. I pull her just a little closer.  
“What would you do if you were sick?” Lucy asks, her smile gentle and sad and beautiful, her eyes still on the couples.  
“ask you to make me chicken soup.” I chuckle. She shakes her head and finally meets my eyes.  
“I mean really sick, like you could die any day, sick.” Her eyes are big and there’s something there that I rarely see. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t like it. It’s like worry but different.  
“Like cancer?” I ask her. she nods, her hands are clasped together. She does that when she anxious.  
“If I was sick and I was dying and I could go any minute…” I think about it for a second. I’m not a big dreamer like Lucy is. I don’t care about traveling the world and seeing everything like she does. I squeeze her arm.  
“I’d love you, I’d love you with every single breath I have left and even when my breaths stopped, I’d figure out a way to keep loving you.” A smile breaks out over her face and she wraps her arms around me and squeezes me.   
The man dancing with the little girl walks past us, the little girl still spinning and singing as she trails after her dad. I wrap my arms firmly around Lucy and I can’t help it, I sniff her hair just a little. It smells like flowers.   
“I’ll love you with every breath too.” Her voice is so quiet I wonder if she really wanted me to hear her.   
“Come on.” She pulls away and her eyes are dry and she’s got her smile on and she’s got a bounce in her step. She pulls me forward. She’s always pulling me forward, making me move even when I don’t want to.   
“Are we going to start another ball in the middle of another park?” I tease her.  
She shrugs “possibly.”   
“Well as long as you’re there.” This would make a good scene for a book I can’t help but think. Lucy hums and pulls me along with her. 

Lucy perches on the couch with her book in her lap, her hair falls over the back of the couch and she smiles into the book. I love watching her read. She never tries to hide what she’s feeling. Everything is just there on her face and there’s no guessing with her.   
“It’s almost read.” I call out to her as I strain the noodles. The sauce is already hot and the bowls are out.   
“Do you need any help?” she dropped her head back over the arm of the couch to see me, her hair touches the floor.  
“Nope, I got it.” I wave her off “enjoy your book.”   
“Smells good, love muffin.” She giggles and I roll my eyes, but I love it. I love it when she calls me random names. It means she’s happy.   
“Alright.” I call to her, using the tongs to place some noodles in the bowls and ladling some sauce over it. I peek up in time to see Lucy’s mouth drop and her eyes crinkle. She puts her bookmark into the book and the book on the couch as she pads over to me. she ties her hair back before hugging me from behind.  
“thank you.” She nuzzles my back “it smells good.” I laugh and take grab the bowls.  
“It’s spaghetti, there’s not much I could do to mess it up.” I set Lucy’s bowl down at the end of the table closet to the window and take the seat beside her.   
“You could have burned the sauce.” She takes a seat “or overcooked the noodles.” She smiles and twirls the spaghetti on her spoon. She blows on it before taking the bite way to big for her mouth, she drops her head back.  
“mmhmm.” She sighs “so good.” Her mouth is still full. I shake my head. I don’t have any words as Lucy digs in and mmhhms and sighs. The truth is this is probably the blandest spaghetti she’s ever had. She uses spices and adds olives and spinach and basil to hers and I heated up some canned sauce and cooked some noodles.   
I take a bite of my own bowl, half expecting to taste something amazing, from Lucy’s expressions but it’s just as I expect. Tomato sauce on noodles. Lucy doesn’t let up once though. She cleans her bowl and even gets seconds and repeats the whole thing. I laugh quietly to myself.  
Her eyes drift to the window and she just enjoys the view of the city. She loves the lights, the energy, she loves the no one sleeps here.  
“Wanna do something tonight?” I ask her, she nods, her eyes still entranced by the city.   
“Wanna call, Grey and Juvia?” I ask, she nods again never taking her eyes from the city.   
“I’ll call them after I clean up.” I take our bowls to the sink and grab some foil from the cabinet.   
“I can call them.” Lucy reaches for her phone in her pocket, keeping her eyes on the city like she’s looking for something and she’s afraid she’s gonna miss it.   
“Lucy?” I ask.  
“Hhmm.” She tilts her head toward me but doesn’t look at me.   
“You okay?” I ask. Finally, she gives me her eyes and she smiles and nods.   
“Of course.” She giggles a little “just thinking about the couples dancing, it was so sweet.” She turns her eyes back to the window as she presses her phone to her ear.   
“Yeah, it was.” I agree. Lucy drifts off a lot but there’s something bothering her, and that phone call she got. She must be waiting for the right time to tell me. 

“Juvia!” Lucy shrieks louder than I anticipate. I can here Juvia on the other line, shriek just as loud.   
“let’s do something tonight.” Lucy is all excited now, her eyes bright as she stares out the window.  
“Oh my goodness, yes!” Lucy hops out of the chair.  
“Yes, glow up for sure so we can get some pictures while we’re out.” Lucy giggles at something Juvia says and leans back against the window frame.   
I tuck the spaghetti and the sauce in the fridge for an equally unsatisfying breakfast tomorrow. Lucy hangs up and turns to me.  
“Where to?” I ask.  
“We’re going to the ball.” She bounds past me and down the hall. I smile, that was the place I took her for our first date.   
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................  
Hey, you,  
I didn’t leave. They need me but I need me too. I don’t know how much time I have but I guess this is it. I guess this was card I was dealt and I just have to deal with it. I guess I just have to suck it up.  
I want to be free, I just want to be free of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading I'd love to hear your thoughts  
> see you next time  
> XOXO


	4. Chapter 4: Bar Fights

Lucy and Juvia lean against each other in front of us as we wait in line.   
“Yeah and then these older couples were dancing and singing to each other and it was so sweet.” Lucy sighs. She looks good in her, what did Juvia call it… romper. It’s gold and sparkly and these loose see through sleeves. Lucy looks really good in gold. It makes her look like an angel.   
“You got a crowd of people to watch you and Lucy dance in the park?” Grey backhands my shoulder.  
“You purposed to Juvia.” I point out.  
“Juvia is going to dance in every park now trying to get a bunch of old couples to dance with her and people to applaud us.” Grey slaps his hand over his face and shakes his head. “how am I supposed to top that?”   
“You purposed to Juvia.” I hiss at him, trying to keep my voice low so the girls don’t hear us. “You didn’t even give me a heads up.”  
“Juvia wanted to be the one to tell Lucy and you can’t keep secrets from Lucy.” Grey laughs “You can’t even wait to give her her Christmas presents.”  
“Lucy doesn’t celebrate.” I roll my eyes at him “I just like getting her stuff, so I give them to her early so she won’t get upset with me.”  
“What’s that thing Lucy’s wearing?” Grey asks.  
“Juvia called it a romper.” I move closer to Lucy as the line moves forward.   
“I need to get Juvia one.” Grey nods appreciatively.  
“Dude,” I elbow his arm back, missing is side “are you checking Lucy out?”   
“No.” He shakes his head “I’m imagining my girl in that outfit.” Grey smiles, I walk up behind Lucy and wrap my arms around her anyway.   
“Ready to dance?” Lucy asks, resting her hands on mine.   
“With you?” I squeeze her to me “always.” She giggles and Juvia glances back at Grey, she’s pouting at him. Grey scowls at me.   
“I.Ds.” the bouncer holds his hands out, he gives both girls and appreciative once over and I try not to let it get to me. the girls grab their IDs from their tiny bags and flash their IDs while Grey and I flip out our wallets.   
“Go ahead.” He jerks his chin toward the door. I step between the bouncer and Lucy and wrap my arm around her. I catch Grey doing the same thing as he leads Juvia past the guy and she giggles and tiptoes to kiss him. Grey lifts her off her feet to give her a boost.   
“Come on!” Lucy drags me forward, straight toward the center of the dance floor. She slides through the crowd, dodging elbows and drink, I elbow through the crowd and try to stay on my feet. She stops almost as suddenly as she started and she turns to her, her eyes sparkling in the multicolored strobe lights. She raises her arms and swings her hips and let her lead because the best part of this is for me is just watching her. I love watching her dance.  
“Dance.” She smiles and takes my arm and raises it over her head so she can spin under it. She sways and flips her hair and I don’t even know how she moves sometimes, so fluid and connected. 

“You left us!” Juvia drags Grey and squeeze between the people dancing next to us and forces them to move back. Juvia is a much more aggressive dancer as she and Grey actually dance together. Grey and Juvia look like choreographed dance scene straight out of Step Up.   
Lucy just watches me as I do a poor job of following the rhythm and she dances around me. She never makes fun of me or pushes me to learn, she just smiles and she dances and it’s good. 

Grey and Juvia already have a few drinks in them, their dancing getting sloppier with every passing drink. Lucy hasn’t had even a sip, she rarely does. She likes to be alert and happy on her own. I’ve had a beer or two but Lucy doesn’t try to control that either. She just smiles and giggles and dances and my phone buzzes in my pocket.   
Lucy pulls it out and holds it for me. WORK flashes in all caps on my phone screen. Lucy pouts a little.  
“Do you have to take it?” She asks.  
“Yeah, I got to check it out.” I take the phone and head toward the bathroom to get away from the noise. I glance over my shoulder and see Lucy and Juvia dancing together. Grey must have gone to get another drink. 

“Hey, Makarov.” I walk to the far back of the bathroom and cover one ear.   
“Hey, Natsu.” He says, the restraint sounds crazy.  
“I really need you to come in, Amber, Josh and Pete are all no shows.” Makarov barks orders at someone.  
“I mean, I really had plans tonight.” I glance at the door as man stumbles in and smacks his hand against the wall.   
“I really need you here, Natsu.” Makarov sounds stressed,   
“I’m already out with Lucy and our friends.” I sigh, I really need the money, especially since Grey already got Juvia a pretty big looking ring. I should know more about rings.  
“Look can you come in at ten?” Makarov barks someone else.  
“I-”  
“Thanks, Natsu, I owe you one.” Makarov hangs up and sigh and shake my head.  
“Dang, Lucy was having fun.” I push my bangs back and head back out, better just rip the Band-Aid off.  
I elbow my way through the crowd and dodge flailing arms. I break through an especially thick cluster and spot Lucy and a guy reaching for her. He slides his hands onto her waist. She turns and her smile falls when she see the guy is not me. I hesitate for just a second how am I gonna handle this? I think, I’m not all that strong, I’ve never even been on a fight,   
“No, I’m here with my boyfriend.” Lucy offers a halfhearted smile and steps away. His hands fall away and I sigh, relieved, he’s not gonna bother her.   
“I don’t see him.” He steps toward her again “I’ll just keep you company.” He puts her hands on her shoulders and she puts her hands on his chest, she’s trying to hold onto her smile. Lucy is too kind.  
Where are Juvia and Grey? I want to yell.   
“No, he’ll be back any minute.” She steps away again and bumps into someone else.  
“Sorry.” She apologizes but the guy doesn’t even look at her.   
Move you idiot! I order my feet forward, my hands are balled into fists and I don’t remember doing it.   
“It’s okay, really.” Lucy says.  
“I don’t mind.” The guys’ hands slide down her arms.  
“hey!” I shout grabbing his shoulder.  
“What do you want.” He snaps at me.  
“Don’t put your hands on my girlfriend.” That sounded more intimidating in my head.  
“Natsu,” Lucy smiles at me and wraps her arm around my arm. She offers a smile to the guy.  
“Thank you for waiting with me but my boyfriend is back now.” She squeezes my arm, pressing closer than usual.   
“Yeah, how about some gratitude.” The guy moves closer to Lucy again, Lucy steps back hiding behind my arm.   
“Knock it off.” I grab his wrist, his wrist feels freakin thick.   
Where are you Grey?  
“I was talking to the lady.” The guy scowls at me. I push his hand back.  
“She’s my lady and she doesn’t want to be talking to you.” I draw myself up to my full height, which is still not as tall as him.   
“Let her tell me that.” The guy takes another step, Lucy is half hidden behind me now and Grey is still nowhere to be seen.   
“Please, I just want to have some time with my boyfriend.” Lucy laughs her nervous laugh, her nails are digging into my arm.   
“Come out here and tell me that.” The guy says. Lucy shrinks behind me, I feel her chest fill with air as she sucks in a breath and starts to inch out from behind me. I can feel her pulse in her fingers. She holds onto my hand, her eyes flashing over to me for just a second. She doesn’t want to fight but she wants this guy to leave.   
“What wrong, you don’t think I’m good looking.” He smiles at her like a predator.  
“Enough.” I snap pulling her back behind me. “you’re scaring her.” I step up to him this time, he’s good few inches taller than me.   
“Got yourself a big man here, huh?” the guy ignores me, his eyes still on Lucy.   
“Natsu, don’t.” she whispers trying to keep her voice low enough for just me to hear.  
“Sorry, sweetie.” The guy leans past my shoulder cupping his hand around his ear toward Lucy, Lucy ducks her head behind my back.   
“Say that louder, I couldn’t hear you.” He sneers.  
“I said back off.” I shove the guy back, he stumbles a few steps back but doesn’t fall.   
“Natsu!” Lucy squeaks trying to trap me against her but I hold her back.  
“Leave her alone, she’s good here.” My knees are shaking but I can’t let this guy bother her. I don’t care how big he is.  
“Big man!” the guy hoots planting his hands against my chest. I fall back into Lucy, Lucy stumbles but catches herself and me.   
“Do something, big man.” The guy shoves me again.  
“Stop it!” Lucy shrieks, her eyes wide. Lucy hates conflict.   
“Come on, do something!” The guy shoves me again, Lucy grabs my arm and keeps me up.  
“I thought you were gonna do something.” The guy advances on us, Lucy’s breathing faster.  
“Stop it!” She moves between us.   
“Lucy.” I grab her arm and pull her back with me. I hope I didn’t grab her too hard.  
“Get back.” I nudge Lucy back but she doesn’t budge, the guy grabs a fistful of my shirt and yanks me back.  
“Do something, come on!” he yells, my hands flies out of its own accord and cracks against the guys jaw. Pain shoots up my hand and the guy jut stands there, as if I didn’t just hit him. he lets my shirt go and smiles.   
“Natsu!” Lucy shrieks.  
My vision goes black and my ears are ringing. I’m on my back staring at the flashing lights and Lucy’s face right above me.  
“Natsu?” She looks worried, she’s pushing my hair back.  
“Grey, come on!” Juvia laugh/yells somewhere nearby.  
“Don’t mess with my friends again.” Grey sounds angry.  
“Come on, Lucy.” Juvia appears above me, she’s smiling, her eyes wide with excitement. “We have to go, security’s coming.”   
“Can you get up?” Lucy slides her arm under my shoulders.   
“Yeah…” I push myself up, Lucy helps me. my left eye is starting to ache.  
“You good?” Grey slaps me on the back, I glance around and find the guy that was bothering Lucy on the ground.   
“Good, cause we gotta go.” Grey grabs my arm and hauls me forward. We weave through the crowd, Grey keeps me on my feet, Juvia is laughing as she drags Lucy with her through the crowd. Lucy keeps glancing back at me with her big worried eyes. She’s so cute when she’s worried. I love that she worries about me. She’s always so considerate.   
======================================================================================================

Dear…,  
I did it, I left and I feel empty. I feel like I have too much time even with a full time job, even with spending time with Juvia, even with walking the dogs in the evenings and early mornings. I guess this is what freedom feels like. That or no purpose because that’s what I have now. I’m a ticking time bomb with no purpose. 

Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading i'd love to know what you're thinking   
> As Always see you tomorrow  
> XOXO


	5. I will Always Protect You

“Natsu, you can’t go into work, you just got knocked out!” Lucy’s voice squeaks, her voice always squeaks when she’s nervous.   
“Babe, I’m fine.” I rest my hands on her shoulders “I’ve gotta make more money and since the nights already been ruined, you can relax with your book or put on your show and I’ll be back soon, I don’t have to do dishes when I get called in.”  
“But…” Lucy brushes her hand over my eye. “I’m so sorry, Natsu.” She rests her head on my chest.   
“Sorry for what?” I shake my head, She can be so ridiculous sometimes.  
“I should have gone with Juvia when she went to find Grey.” She wraps her arms around me “I put you in an uncomfortable position and I’m just really sorry.”  
“Baby,” I cup her face in my hands and gently push her back enough to see her eyes, they’re big and misty and her bottom lip is curled under in a pout.   
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” I tell her “and I don’t care if I don’t know how to fight, I’m never gonna let anyone hurt you even if it means me getting hurt.”   
“I don’t want you to get hurt.” She whimpers.   
“Would you do anything you could to protect me?” I ask already knowing her answer. She nods.  
“Then let me do anything I can to protect you.” I swipe a tear off her cheek with my thumb. “I’m really okay, it looks worse than it is.” I assure her. She doesn’t look like she believes me but she also doesn’t look she’s going to cry either.   
“You have to go to work?” she asks. I nod and kiss the top of her head.  
“You know we could use the money.” I cradle her head in my hands, she nods but she’s still not happy.   
“It’s just…” she sighs “you’re hurt, because of me and I just want to make sure you’re okay.” She’s so hard on herself sometimes. I wrap her in my arms and ignore the ache in my wrist.   
“I wanted to protect you.” I tell her firmly “I wanted to do that for you because it makes me happy, okay.” I kiss her nose “So if it makes me happy, you want me to do it, right?” I ask her kissing her left eye. She nods, her eyes still on my eye.   
“then it’s not your fault at all.” I kiss her other eye, “okay?”   
“Alright.” She sighs but turns a small smile on me and tiptoes to press a kiss to my nose. “but take it easy tonight, please.”   
“That I can do.” I give her another squeeze before letting her go. Worry put tiny creases between her eyebrows but she’s smiling. Everything is okay if she’s smiling.   
“Have a nice night.” She waves to me “I’ll see you at three.”  
“I’ll see you at three.” I peck a final kiss onto her lips before heading out and to the right. Lucy loves this apartment because it’s on the bottom floor and right at the front so it’s like we have a house. 

I rush in through the doors, the parking lot is slammed, the restaurant is crowded and my hand and face are aching.   
“Natsu!” Makarov looks relieved to see me “good man, good man.” He points at his eye “who gave you the shiner?”   
“Some guy at the club was coming onto Lucy and wouldn’t back off.” I shrug it off like it was no big deal, like I didn’t need Grey to come save both of us.   
“She alright?” Makarov stops his rushing around, he looks genuinely concerned. Makarovs a good guy though, usually a fair boss unless he’s this crowded and has this many call offs.  
“Yeah, she’s fine. The guy was just drunk and trying to dance with her and she turned him down.” I shrug as I hang the apron over me and tie it.  
“Yeah, she’s a sweet girl.” Makarov shakes his head “it’s ashamed people can’t just mind their own business.”  
“Yeah,” I agree “so where do you need me?” I ask.  
“You’re serving station three.” He barks the orders out back to boss mode.   
“Got it.”

I balance the tray on my opposite hand because my right hand has a sharp pain in it but my left hand isn’t as balanced so I can’t even carry what I’m used to carrying.   
“You okay?” Makarov asks me as I head out to deliver the food to the right table.   
“Yeah, I’m good.” I lie not stopping. Normally he might ask me again, but he’s swamped here and he can’t afford to lose any hands, even if I only have one to offer.   
“Alrighty, guys.” I carefully lower the tray to the table. “sorry for the long wait,” I apologize as I set out the plates.   
“Oh, that’s alright dear.” The elderly woman pats my hand, I can tell she’s looking at me eye.  
“Is there anything else I can get for you?” I ask politely.   
“Oh, no.” The older man waves me off. “thank you, this is just fine.” He smiles at his wife and I can’t help but think of the park. How happy it made Lucy to watch the older couples dance together. Still enjoying each other after years of being together.   
“Alright I come check on you in a bit, let me know if there’s anything else you need.” I depart from that table and run back for the next tray for the neighboring table. 

I run back out, the ache in my hand is getting harder to ignore. I push through weaving around other servers and dodging customers.  
“So, sorry about the wait.” I apologize immediately. It’s a group of girls, friends from the sound of their laughter. They look like they’re maybe in their thirties.   
“How are you ladies doing this evening?”  
“Fantastic!” the red head giggles sounding a little tipsy.   
“Alright, I live to hear that.” I set their plates out.  
“You are cute.” The red head says, her friends laugh.  
“Yeah.” The brunette agrees “you should be out with your girlfriend on a night like this.” The brunette sounds a little bit more together than the other.  
“Oh, I was out with my girl and our friends just before I was called in.” I laugh it off ouch I wince when I bump my wrist against the table.   
“What happened to your eye.” The red head slurs her words a bit. I stifle a laugh.   
“A guy at the club I took my girlfriend to, came onto my girlfriend and wouldn’t back off so I hit him, he hit me,” I shrug as if to say, and so on.  
“Poor baby.” The red head grabs my arm, not the one with the hurt wrist thankfully.   
“You stood up for your girlfriend!” The red head is being loud “that’s so sweet.”  
“Are you okay?” there’s a darker brunette that doesn’t look like she’s had anything to drink.   
“Yeah, hurt more when my head hit the ground.” I joke I don’t remember hitting the ground.  
“That looks pretty nasty.” The darker brunette scrutinizes me.   
“You must love her, you don’t even seem angry about it.” The red head says, sounding a few sips past tipsy but still sincere.   
“Oh yeah.” I laugh at that “she’s amazing, I love everything about her.”   
“That’s so sweet.” The red head giggles.   
“What’s her name, doll?” The brunette asks leaning cross the table.   
“Lucy.” I try not to laugh at the red head slumping against the table and giggling,   
“That’s a pretty name, got a picture?” the brunette asks.  
“Of course.” If only they knew how many pictured we have. I take my phone out and show them the one on my screen saver. It’s one of my favorite, she’s wearing this whit lacy top that ends at her ribcage and these flowy matching shorts and she’s got this bright red lipstick on and a flower tiara thing on her head. she looks like some kind of mother nature personification.  
“You two are adorable.” The darker brunette snatches me phone away and she examines it, her features soften and she hands me back my phone.   
“Thank you.” I take a step back from the table. “is there anything else I can get you?” I ask.   
“No, thank you.” They all say.  
“Alright, I’ll let you ladies eat and I’ll be back to check on you soon.” I depart, they call a thank you after me but I’ve wasted enough time. I run back and grab the next tray and go to deliver the next tray.

My wrist is throbbing and a sharp stabbing kind of pain shoots up my arm every time I jostle it against something. I did get really good tips though, the elderly couple tipped me twenty bucks and the group a ten each. They must have felt bad for me because of my eye, but hey, I’ll take pity tips. Maybe I should get punched before work more often.  
“Hey, Natsu.” Makarov clasps me on the back “thanks for coming in, it was a huge help.”  
“Yeah no problem.” Pain stabs at my wrist and I wince. Makarov stares at my eye,   
“You sure you’re okay?” He asks now that the craziness is over.  
“Yeah, I’m good.” I assure him “I mean it doesn’t feel good but it’s nothing I can’t suck up for the night.”   
“Right.” Makarov nods. “make sure you take care of that girl of yours, she’s a special one.” He pats my shoulder and lingers off, he must have just remembered something.   
Course I’ll always take care of Lucy. I use my one good hand to scrub the dishes and put them away. Makarov’s doing the vacuuming out in the dining area and as soon as he finishes that and I finish this final stupid dish I’m headed home to get some sleep.   
“Shoot.” I wince when I bump my wrist on the edge if the sink. I look down at my wrist, it looks a little swollen. It’s probably nothing. I just want to go home, Lucy’ll be up waiting for me.   
“All finished?” Makarov calls to me as I finish drying my hand.  
“Yep.” I hang up my apron and meet Makarov at the door. He looks more exhausted than when I came in.   
“See you tomorrow night.” Makarov yawns and locks up.  
“Night.” I call back and start walking to the subway station. Manhattan is well lit, Lucy loves it here, the lights, the people, the stores. I wish I could afford to bring her here more, eat an actual meal here, buy her something nice at one of these stores.   
I walk these streets almost every day on my way to the subway but the jewelry store catches me this time. The ring is tiny and mostly silver but the stones in the center are shaped like a flower. It looks so much like something Lucy would wear I want to buy it right now but the store is closed and the ring is three thousand dollars.   
“Dang, Lucy would love that…” I sigh and step away from the store. There’s no way I can afford that anytime soon. I glance down at my phone and see an unopened email. I skim through until I see one labeled QUERY. 

Thank you for thinking of us for your project. Unfortunately, we don’t feel you are the right fit for us. We wish you the best in your pursuits.

“Fantastic.” I drop my head back, my hand aches along with my pride now. How does Lucynot think I’m not a loser? I couldn’t even protect her tonight. Grey had to come and save her and me.

Dear yeah,  
It’s getting better. I don’t even know the point in writing this down when I don’t really have anyone to give this to later. I mean I already tell Juvia all this stuff. Well, most of it. Not the really important thing but I don’t really tell you either because I don’t want anyone to know.   
Anyway, I was actually able to spend my day off at the park walking, listening to music and just enjoying me time and it was glorious. The knot that’s been in my stomach is fading and I’m getting less calls. I’ve also stopped answering though.  
I think it’s gonna be okay. I think I’m gonna be okay.   
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.   
> I'm still kind of new to Ao3... what does it take to get some comments? Fanfiction net is what I have been using that and wattpad cause I had to wait to be able to post work to here but comments seem to come easier on those sites?  
> Anyway, thanks so much for reading  
> see you tomorrow  
> XOXO


	6. Let Me Take Care of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and the kudos and I got my first comment ever on AO3!!!! Thank you so much I was so excited to see that notification I actually squealed a little  
> No one has to worry about this story going unfinished because it is all written I am just going over some light edits for each chapter and so there will be double post days when I have time to edit more than one chapter.   
> Thank you again so much mayslvdr for your comment I can't even tell you how much that made my day

I lay beside Lucy, her hair is all over the place, covering half her face, tangled in her shirt strap, wrapped around her earrings. She looks peaceful though, happy. I brush her hair off her face, my hand aches when I do but I ignore it. She stirs and stretches but she doesn’t wake up.   
“You’re so beautiful.” I whisper and press a kiss to her temple. She doesn’t move, I just watch her breathe. Her chest rises and falls as the sun creeps up over the horizon. I haven’t slept all night. Part from thinking about the club and how poorly I protected her, if Grey hadn’t been there, what would have happened? The other part from the pain in my hand and face.   
I glance at the clock, It’s five until six. I reach over and switch Lucy’s alarm off and watch the minutes tick by. Lucy groans and yawns and stretches and she rolls toward the clock. The clock hit six o’clock and I rub my hand up and down Lucy’s arm.  
“Good morning.” I kiss her shoulder, she turns her head toward me and peels her eyes open.   
“You’re up early.” A smile stretches across the whole length of her face and she slides her arms around me.   
“Hard to sleep when you’ve got someone so beautiful and smart and amazing sleeping right next to you.” I reach up to touch her cheek. Her mouth gaps open and she sits up.   
“What’s wrong?” I ask. She takes my hand in hers.   
“Natsu, your hand.” She brushes her fingers over my swollen wrist.   
“It’s fine.” I try to take it back but she holds onto me, her eyes full of worry. She shakes her head.  
“Oh…” She caresses the side of my face.  
“And you’re eye too.” Her brows draw together in concern.  
“Really, it's fine.” I try to soothe her.  
“No, you need to go to the hospital.” She pushes the covers off “it could be broken.” She grabs a sweater from the floor and yanks on a pair of jeans.  
“Lucy, relax.” I slide out of bed, she shoves the jeans and shirt I wore yesterday, into my good hand.   
“No, get dressed.” She pulls her hair into a pony tail and steps into some boots.  
“Lucy, stop.” I try to stop her but she slips by and slips her bag onto her shoulder.   
“Get dressed.” She sighs and drops her hands “do you need help?”  
“What?” I shake my head “no, Lucy, just stop.  
“Natsu, you’re hurt.” She takes my clothes back and tosses my pants on the bed. “Now come here.” She pushes the shirt over my head and feeds my good arm through the sleeve.   
“Lucy, just stop for a second.” I catch her hand with my good one.   
“No, Natsu!” Her voice squeaks with her nerves. “You’re hurt, let me take care of you.” Her eyes are all misty again. I sigh.  
“Lucy, it’s alright.” I watch her distraught features tighten.  
“No, it’s not.” Her bottom lip quivers “you got hurt, I got you hurt.”   
“No, you didn’t.” I take her hand in mine more gently “It was not your fault, it was that guy’s fault and mine because I didn’t punch right.”  
“but…” Lucy sighs  
“No, no buts.” I tell her more firmly “I’ll go get this checked out but only if you stop blaming yourself.”   
“You’ll go to the hospital?” She asks timidly.  
“Yes.” I bring her hand up and kiss her knuckles, my shirt only halfway on.   
“Okay.” She breaths and she wraps her arm around me and squeezes me “just… just don’t get hurt.”   
“I won’t.” I promise her “I’ve had worse injuries playing backyard football when I was ten.”  
“That was really specific.” She giggles softly still holding onto me.   
“I wasn’t a sporty kind of guy.” I laugh.   
“I like you.” She says sounding like a girl in junior high.  
“I like you too.” I kiss the top of her head and rub my hand in circles around her back.   
“Let me help you at least.” Lucy takes my other hand and gently feeds it through the sleeve, her hands are steady as she does it. She pulls my shirt the rest of the way down and grabs my pants.   
“I can put my own pants on.” I hold my good hand out for the jeans. Lucy glances at my swollen hand doubtfully.  
“Lucy, go make your tea.” I ease my jeans out of her hands.   
“You’re sure?” she asks.   
“I’m sure.” I nod  
Lucy slips out of the room, casting a big-eyed worried look over her shoulder before disappearing down the hall.   
“Coffee?” She calls back as I struggle to get my pants around my waist.   
“Yeah, please.” I call back fumbling with the button. I wince but finally get the button done. Thank god Lucy wasn’t here watching that I grab my way too light wallet off the nightstand before heading out for some coffee. 

***  
Lucy plays with her hair as we sit and wait to be called, the news is on but she’s watching the windows. Lucy bounces her leg faster and faster by the second. I slip my hand into hers, she squeezes mine without looking at me but her leg slows to a much healthier bounce. Lucy hates hospitals. I lean into her and lower my lips to her ear.   
“It’s gonna be fine.” I tell her. She doesn’t look at me but she does smile, it’s much softer than the nervous tight-lipped smile she gave the nurse when we got here.   
“It’s gonna be fine.” She repeats more for herself than me. I rub circles into the back of her hand with my thumb and she hums quietly. I know this song, she’s humming Working Man by Imagine Dragons. It’s one of her favorite songs to dance to in the morning.   
“Good thing we got here early.” I try to distract her.  
“Mmhhmm.” She nods, squeezing my hand, her eyes glued to the windows. She’s got to see the outside.  
“Not many others come to the hospital at six in the morning.” I force a little laugh. Finally, she gives me her eyes and smiles.  
“I’m sorry, I made you come here and I’m being a scaredy cat.” She chuckles at herself and shakes her head.   
“No, you’re perfect.” I assure her “you’re sitting with me, you’re holding my hand. you’re here with me.” I say.  
“Thanks, Natsu, but you’re the one holding my hand.” She shakes her head “you’re the one comforting me and I’m supposed to be comforting you.”   
“You being with me is comforting.” I tell her “just touching you, seeing you, it’s perfect.” I squeeze her hand and she looks at me with soft eyes.  
“Yeah?” She asks.  
“Yeah.” I tell her she smiles wider and she rests her head on my shoulder. Her phone rings and I feel her stiffen against me. She peels her hand away from my arm not at all like her normal fluid movements.  
She reluctantly pulls her phone out and glances at the number on the screen. It’s just a number, no name. she stares at it but it keeps ringing.  
“you want me to get it?” I offer.   
“Um… no, no it’s…” she hesitates, the number stubbornly flashing on her screen.  
“it’s probably a telemarketer.” She stares at the phone, it’s still ringing.  
“Lucy…” I lower my face in front of hers “you talk to telemarketers all the time.” her eyes are tight, her mouth almost in a frown. There’s that crease between her brows telling me that she’s worried about something.   
“What's really wrong?” I ask her gently. I try to sound understanding and supportive but I’m getting worried, Lucy talks to everyone. Who could possibly be calling her that she’s afraid to answer her own phone?  
“Nothing, I just-”  
“Natsu Dragneel.” The nurse cuts Lucy off.   
“Here.” Lucy jumps to her feet, her phone stops ringing. She seems better now. She reaches for me and pulls me up by my good arm and marches me through the door the nurse holds open.   
“Are we going to ignore this?” I whisper to Lucy as she follows the nurse down the hall.  
“Ignore what?” she asks.  
“Lucy…” I just look at her, she avoids my eyes for a second but sighs and bites her bottom lip.  
“Not now,” she says “just, I don’t know if it’s a thing yet and if it’s not I don’t want to make a deal out of it.”  
I hold my swollen arm up “you made a deal of this.” I remind her  
“Yes, because it’s swollen and bruising and it’s hurting you.” She’s got a point.  
“Fine.” I say “but if it is a thing, we’ll talk about it?”  
“Of course.” Her expression morphs into surprise “I always tell you important things.”   
“I know.” I cup her chin in my hand “just checking.”

“The doctor will be right with you.” The nurse scurries out and lets the door fall shut behind her.  
I glance around the room, its sterile and it smells like bleached sickness. Lucy trails around the room touching everything she can get her hands on. She tugs on locked cabinets and touches the ear thing the doctor uses to look into your ear and examines the blood pressure cuff. She's trying to relax but her shoulders are tight.  
“Lucy, come sit with me.” I hold my good arm out to her. Lucy nibbles on her bottom lip and casts another look around. She takes my hand and I pull her under my arm, she shrinks into my side, she closes her eyes, her hand clutching my shirt. She hates not being able to see the outside.   
“We could leave.” I suggest.  
“No.” She shakes her head “not until we know your wrist is okay. She keeps her eyes closed but I can tell there’s no way I'm getting out of this.   
“Just say the word and we can go home.” I try to tempt her. She shakes her head again and wraps her other arm behind my back. I squeeze her to my side and wait. I love how much she trusts me, even after I wimped out at the club.

***

“Alright, Mr. Dragneel.” the doctor looks at my x rays “your eye is good, done swelling and bruising is normal and there is a minor fracture in the wrist and hand, most commonly called the boxers fracture.” The doctor gives me a pointed look.  
“It happens when you don't punch properly.” The doctor glances at my scan again.  
“He saved me last night.” Lucy squeezes my arm, her eyes are still closed but she's smiling, full of pride for a boyfriend that got himself beat up.  
“How sweet” the doctor mutters. “try not to do it again before your hands can heal.”  
“We'll be careful.” Lucy promises.  
“Are you okay, miss?” The director cocks his brow and looks at Lucy clinging to my arm.  
“She doesn't like hospitals.” I explain.  
“I see.” The doctor writes something on his board. “the nurse will be in to splint your hand and discharge you.”  
“Thank you.” Lucy peels her eyes open to smile at the doctor as he leaves.   
“Doing okay?” I ask her.   
“Yeah, I'm okay.” She smiles at me and laces her fingers together with mine.   
“alright, Mr. Dragneel.” The nurse brings in gauze and splints. She sets them on my side and takes my bad hand.   
“This'll just be a minute, hun.” She goes to work on my arm and Lucy closes her eyes again. I can feel get nails digging into me but I don’t say anything.  
“Almost finished.” The nurse says, noticing a Lucy’s death grip on my arm.   
“Take your time.” Lucy nervous laughs.   
“Don't worry, sweetie.” The nurse chuckles “that's it.”  
“that's it?” Lucy perks up.   
“That's it.” The nurse confirms gently patting my splinted arm.   
“He's gonna be okay?” Lucy asks taking my splinted arm in hers as if she were guarding it.  
“He'll be just fine.” The nurse smiles at Lucy and pats me on the shoulder. “Just keep an eye on him.”  
“Of course.” Lucy hops up and pulls me to my feet. “always.” Lucy smiles at me.   
“Good.” The nurse clasps Lucy on the shoulder “then I release him into your care.”  
I can't help but smile at Lucy “I'm in good hands then.” I wrap my good arm around her. 

*********

Lucy stuffs a pillow behind me and brings me a pepperoni sandwich and a Pepsi. I roll my eyes when she pushes the coffee table closer to me.  
“It’s a broken wrist, Lucy, I'm not an invalid.” I tell her as she drapes a blanket over me.   
“I just want to make sure you’ll be okay while I'm gone.” She wraps her arms around my head.  
“I'll be fine, its only a few hours and Grey is on his way over.” I pat her arm “you’re already late.”  
“What are you and Grey gonna do?” She asks.   
“Lucy,” I laugh.  
“I just want to make sure you're not doing anything too strenuous.” She looks at me with her big worried eyes. I sigh and cradle the back of her head in my good hand. I press a kiss to her temple.  
“We'll play scrabble.” I tell her.  
“Really?” She asks doubtfully. “Grey is going to play scrabble?”  
“or we'll watch a movie.” I brush her hair aside “I'll be fine, go walk the dogs and water rich peoples plants.”   
“You're sure?” She asks, concern clouding her eyes.  
“I am one hundred percent sure.” I promise her.   
“Alright.” She sighs and gives me a quick kiss “I'll be back soon.”   
“I'll be waiting.” I promise.   
Lucy hesitates by the door “I love you, Natsu.” She holds her hands against her chest. She looks worried, way more worried than she should be.   
“I love you too, Lucy.” I watch her maybe this is about the call before.   
“I'll see you soon.” She says again.   
“Are you okay?” I ask “has it become a thing?”   
Lucy stands there a moment, shifting from foot to foot. She looks like she's going to say something.  
“Lucy…” I twist around to get a better look at her.   
“No, It's not a thing.” She forces a smile. “I'll be back soon, love you.” She slips out and hurries away. I watch her for as long as the window allows me to, I love watching her run.

==========================  
Dear...  
Good evening you imaginary person I write to,  
I met this guy at the park. I never thought a snort was cute before, but this guy ran into me. literally ran into me and we both fell and I scrapped my knee and he scraped his hands but what was funny was that we were both listening to THE SAME SONG. Every Night by Imagine Dragons. He laughed so hard he snorted 3 times. He apologized and helped me up and dusted me off and said the cutest thing. Let me try to remember it verbatim. He said He said “I know this is cheesy but I think I just fell for you. Would you let me sweep you off your feet next and go to the ball with me?”  
I laugh because I didn’t realize he was talking about that new club downtown called The Ball. A lot of people have taken to dressing up as if it were an actual ball. I don’t know how he wants to go. I’ll have to call and ask because I don’t really have anything super fancy.


	7. Is Lucy home

A bang yanks me from me my nap, I didn't even realize I fell asleep.  
“Hold on.” I free myself from Lucy’s blanket prison and the door flies open.  
“How’s my best man doing?” Grey busts in with a twelve pack of beer in one hand, a magazine and a fist full of colorful squares in the other.  
“what is that?” I point to his hand.  
“Juvia wants me to pick a few color options for me out of the colors she already picked and look at what kind of suit I'll be wearing.”  
“A tux, right?” I look at the magazine under his arm.  
“She said to pick a style.” Grey shrugs and kicks the door closed.  
“there's more than one kind of tux?” I ask.  
“I know, right?” Grey plops down beside me. “how’s the hand?”  
“Lucy overacted.” I tell him “She thinks it's her fault that guy was bothering her.”  
“That's a load of BS but she was okay, right?” Grey asks concerned.  
“Yeah, he didn't touch her but… I didn't protect her, Grey.” I shake my head “She needed me and I got myself knocked out.” I sigh and comb my fingers through my hair.  
“dude, yeah you got knocked out, but you still did something.” Grey says.  
“Yeah, soaked up spilled beer before I regained consciousness.” I drop my head back and stare at the ceiling.  
“Shut up.” Grey says. “What you did took more guts than what I did.”  
“You mean actually save my girlfriend?” I mock myself. Grey punches my good shoulder.  
“knock it off, I'm not in the mood.” I grumble.  
“I mean doing something even though you knew what was gonna happen.” Grey clasps my shoulder “Of course it’s easy for me to get into a fight, it’s fun because I took eight years of judo. Fighting is easy for me.” He sighs “it’s not fun for you, it’s not something you're good at-“  
“Is this supposed to be making me feel better?” I demand.  
“what you did took more guts than what I did.” He pats me on the back “now quit giving yourself a hard time and help me figure this out.” Grey pushes the magazine into my hand and flips the colorful squares back and forth.  
“There’s more than just one tux?” I ask again.  
“I know, man,” Grey cracks open a beer “that's what I said.” He passes me a beer.  
“You know Lucy hates day drinking.” I remind him. He nudges it against my hand.  
“You'll be sober by the time she gets back.” Grey pushes the bottle into my hand, I take it.  
“Think of it as a pre-bachelor party gathering.” He takes another drink.  
“I don't think that's going to make Lucy any happier when she finds out.” I take a swig anyway, I'm not gonna get drunk or anything stupid like that. 

I should really stop. I'm a little farther past tipsy than I meant to get. Grey is worse though. Lucy won't even know notice me with Grey here.  
“Dude, this one or this one.” Grey shoves the magazine into my face.  
“not so close.” I push the magazine away and hold it out to in front of me. There's a black suit on one page and a grey one on the other.  
“I think…” I burp “I think you should definitely wear a, black one.”  
“I was thinking the sane thing, but Juvia wanted me to think about a grey one because she said she wants to wear a blush dress.” Grey burps “so she said to pick a few black and a few grey ones.”  
“What even is blush?” I shake my head.  
“Its like that really light pink color.” Grey takes another swig.  
“How do you even know that?” I throw back the rest of my beer and set it on the bottle on the table.  
“I'm much more in touch with my feminine side than you and is offensive that you-“  
“Juvia told you today, didn't she?’ I interrupt him.  
“No…” Grey cracks open another beer. “She told me yesterday when she handed me this magazine and told me to have options picked out by today.”  
“today is the first day you've even opened the magazine, isn't it?” I sit back and rest my arm in the arm of the chair. It aches inside the splint and it's starting to itch.  
“Yep.” Grey flips the page. He glances at my arm and points “How’s it feel?”  
“aches and itches.” I look at his hand, its got a scrape and the knuckles are bruised. “How’s yours?”  
Grey smirks “better than that guy’s face.”  
“Yeah.” I chuckle thinking of the guy on the ground but then I couldn't have looked any better. My eye is throbbing and I don't really want to look at it.  
“Hey, Grey.” I begin more serious.  
“What's up?” Grey hesitates, the bottle already on his mouth.  
“You think you could teach me how to hit?” I glance down at my hand, who injures themselves more than the pain they're fighting?  
“Hell yeah, man” Grey brightens and yanks me up by my good arm. “Stand here.” Grey wobbles a little but I know he can drink way more than this and still knock someone out.  
“don't tell Lucy about this.” I glace at the clock she shouldn't be home for another three hours.  
“I know.” Grey rolls his eyes “don't tell Juvia I’m teaching you to fight instead of looking at the magazine she gave me.”  
“deal.” I agree.  
“Alright then.” Grey rolls his shoulders “start with your stance.” Grey steps his right leg forward “this is your lead leg, now get your hands up and let your elbows rest on your ribs.”  
I mimic Grey's stance and look to him for confirmation.  
“good, now the shortest distance from point A and point B is a straight line.” Grey's arm snaps forward.  
“What does that have to do with punching?” I ask.  
“It means punch straight.” Grey rolls his eyes. “now try, but not too fast, Lucy will kill me if I hurt you.”  
“I'm more of a danger to myself.” I scoff thrusting my fist out.  
“Good, good but turn as you punch.” Grey does a slow demonstration. I copy his motion.  
“Yeah, that's it!” Grey laughs “now watch your thumb.” Grey grabs my hand and adjusts my thumb.  
“like this?” I ask thrusting my fist forward again.  
“Yeah that's perfect,” He slaps his hand between my shoulder blades “when your hands all healed up I'll take you to the gym and really get some power behind that hit.” Grey snags his beer from the table. “but keep practicing form, it’s important to get that right first so you don't hurt yourself.”  
I hold my splinted hand up “you mean like this?”  
Grey takes a swig and nods “yeah.” He cracks a smile “now come help me pick out some suits.”  
“Just flip a coin.” I sit back down but I don't take another drink, Lucy really will be upset if she sees me drinking in the middle of the day.  
“There’s like a hundred suits in here, how does flipping a coin work?” Grey demands.  
“Flip a coin for every suit; heads is yes, tales is no.” I explain “keep doing it until you're down to six suits.”  
Grey looks down at the magazine then back to me “that's actually a good idea, give me a coin.”  
“I'm offended you say that like its so surprising that I have a good idea.” I dig through my pocket for a coin.  
“I mean, its not like it's common either.” Grey snatches the coin from my hand.  
“At least I had an idea.” I laugh.  
Grey turns to the first page and flips the coin into the air. I watch Grey turn a page and flip the coin, turn the page, flip a coin. Really it would have been faster to just pick a few at random but this is way more entertaining for me. 

“Alright,” Grey sits back with the final picks ripped out and piled on top of the magazine. “Juvia chore, done.”  
“Wanna watch a movie?” I ask  
“Sure,” Grey chugs the last beer.  
“What are you up for?” I grab the remote from the table. “Comedy, action, horror?” I skim through Netflix “Grey, what do you want…” I roll my eyes, he's past out.  
“I need to spend some time on my book anyway.” I grab my laptop from my room and settle back into the couch.  
“Alright, book two.” I open the document and Word takes me to the last page I wrote. I stare at the screen for a moment and wait for inspiration to strike but this always happens just before I break a hundred.  
“Okay…” I sigh “I need him to find out his brother was just taken and she has to find out that they're both in trouble.” I tap my fingers against the couch. “how do I lead into that?” I drop my head back and stare at the ceiling. “stupid writers block.” I grumble.  
“Okay, just write.” I tap the A key a few times “write anything.”  
I stare at the screen for a few minutes before I open my emails. There's an email from my grandma. I open it. Its this year's Christmas card, it reads;  
You're invited to a Christmas dinner with the Dragneel family.  
Please dress I semi-formal wear and bring a donation for the local food bank.  
Please RSVP to this email address  
With love,  
The Dragneel family.  
I RSVP for Lucy and me immediately, Lucy might not celebrate Christmas but she does like my family and she always has dinner with us. Maybe she'll wear a ring to it. I think of that ring I saw last night. I'd have to spend months working non-stop to afford it and even then I'd be pushing it. We make enough for bills and a little fun but nothing that much extra. I Swipe the screen back to my story and sit back.  
“Just write.” I tell myself. Finally, my fingers are typing. It's a stiff start but it's getting somewhere.  
She passes out and her friend doesn't trust the other one but they don't have a whole lot of choice. She needs to wake up and find the non-trusted guys past and link to her. In the mean time her ex-teammate's brother needs to be brought in and both her and her ex-teammate needs to find out the brothers' been taken and… stuff… more stuff needs to happen and then she is going to leave and…  
A knock saves me from actually having to think of what happens after that.  
Opening the door reveals a gaunt looking man with sallow cheeks and sunken in eyes. I haven't seen him before but something about him is familiar.  
“Hello…” I'm not really sure what to say to him because he's just staring at me with a not-quite-there-look.  
“Can I help you with something?” I hope I don't sound half as unsure as I feel.  
“Uh, yeah, hi, is um… is Lucy here?” He scratches at his arm.  
“No but I can tell her you stopped by.”  
“Lucy!” He yells into the apartment.  
“She's not here right now.” I repeat “What did you say your name was?”  
“Uh…Owen, I need to see Lucy.” He darts his eyes back and forth and tries to crane his head around me. I step in his way. Grey is here if need him.  
“Like I said, Lucy isn't here right now—"  
“Who are you?” Owen interrupts me.  
“Natsu,” I try to draw myself up “Lucy’s boyfriend.” I stand a little taller. “How do you know Lucy?”  
“Her boyfriend?” Owen looks genuinely confused. “She never mentioned a boyfriend.”  
“Who are you?” I ask again.  
“I'll be back later.” Owen walks away and I shake my head.  
“That was weird.” 

=======================================================================  
Dear Peter?,  
Not sure how smart it is to write to a boy who will never grow up but here goes.  
I wrote one of my favorite quotes on the first page because I wanted this book to be about me being me and not having to take care of people who don’t care about me. so here goes. I’m taking care of me. This is my adventure and my life and I am going to live it. 

Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for the kudos and I hope everyone is enjoying this story.  
> Side note: Levi's Dress is super cute and I originally wasn't going to cosplay her but I want to make her dress so i might do that but if anyone else is interested I'll make a tutorial on how to make her dress :)  
> I wish everyone here the bestest of days.  
> I'd love to hear some predictions or just things you're thinking about as you read.  
> As Always I will see you tomorrow  
> XOXO


	8. You Can Tell Me Anything

Lucy dances in her pajamas, her hair loose down her back and her face freshly washed. She smiles and lightly sings to the song, I don’t know this song but I know she hums it when she’s cooking dinner or washing the dishes or in the shower. She likes it but I don’t know it, I should know it.

“Hey, Lucy.” I hate interrupting her when she’s happy like this but I’ve got to know.

“Hmm?” She stops humming for a second but she continues dancing.

“So, there was this guy that stopped by before…” I begin.

“Yes…” She keeps dancing.

“He was looking for you…” I don’t want to come off like I’m accusing her of anything but I also don’t want to scare her.

“Was it someone looking for a dog walker?” She’s humming and dancing. She just looks so content.

“No, it was uh…” my fingers drum against the table, “it was just a guy looking for you, said his name was Owen.” Lucy freezes, her eyes slide open and they keep opening wider until her eyeballs look like they’re going to fall out.

“What?” She asks, her hands twitch.

“Owen, he said his name was Owen.” I repeat. She shrinks back, her hands pull into her chest and she looks small and scared and… oh no, I did that to her.

“Lucy…” I step out from behind the table “Is it a thing?” I reach for her, but she shrinks back into the wall and shakes her head.

“No, everything is fine.” Lucy’s chest expands as she takes a breath, she tries to force a smile but she can’t do it. Lucy’s isn’t good at lying or pretending she’s okay. She’s an open book, I love how easy she is to read but I don’t think she loves it right now.

“Are you sure?” I don’t reach for her again but I do inch closer. She forces her stiff arms to her side and she gives me an even stiffer smile. Her eyes are tight and there’s tension in her shoulders as she stands there and tries to convince me she’s okay.

“Yes, everything is great.” She clicks her jaw, she’s really nervous.

“Lucy, it’s okay if you’re not okay.” I rest my hands on her shoulders and wait for her to shrink back again, she doesn’t. “you don’t always have to be okay.”

Lucy looks up at me with her wide eyes and mixed in with her fear is curiosity and love and Lucy. She’s looking at me with such intensity I think she might say it, she might tell me what’s wrong. Then I see it, she tightens up and she shifts away and she looks at the ground for just a second but it was a second she broke the eye contact and that was all she needed.

“No, everything is okay.” She takes my hand with her rigid fingers and stiff smile and she squeezes it for a second before she pulls her hand back and backs away.

“Lucy…” I hold my hand out but she forces another smile and points her thumb over her shoulder.

“I’m just gonna take a shower, I’ll be out in a little bit.” She turns and disappears into the bathroom. She didn’t grab a towel or her lotion. Something is definitely wrong I think as I grab a towel from the closet and slip out to warm it up in the dryer in the basement. Hopefully that’ll make her feel a little better.

I stare at the towel tumble around in the dryer, I’ll make her her dessert tea, that cocoa tea she likes. I think as I glance at the door. wonder if I can make it to the store and back before she gets back. The Grab n’ Go is only about a block away. I can run that. I’ll go get her one of those Lindt chocolates she likes and make her her tea and put on her Imagine Dragons playlist.

I drop a couple more quarters in and sprint out the door. it’s colder than I expected but the run’ll keep me warm.

“Natsu!” Lucy calls for me as I bust through the door.

“Natsu?” Lucy’s voice gets smaller, I must’ve scared her.

“It’s me.” I run into the kitchen and put her kettle on.

“Oh, you startled me.” She does that breathy laugh she does when she’s relieved. “can you bring me a towel, please?”

“Yep, I’ll be right in.” I grab her Paris cup from the dish drain and put her cocoa tea bag in it and take a second to not look so rushed. I take another second to fold her towel like the fancy hotels do.

“Natsu?” Lucy calls after a minute.

“Coming.” I walk over with the towel cradled in my arms and inch the door open. “your towel.” I extend the towel toward the shower. The shower squeaks as Lucy turns it off. She peaks her head out and a huge smile breaks out over her face. Her face brightens even more when she feels the warmth of it.

“Oh, Natsu…” she hugs the towel to her chest and smiles   
“Thank you.” She closes her eyes and squeezes the towel before disappearing behind the curtain again.

“I’ll be in the room in a minute.” I slip out and leave her alone to finish making her tea.

The tea pot is already whistling by the time I get back out to it. I grab her little bamboo tray thing out and one of those tiny bowls she likes so much and put the three chocolates in that and her tea on the other side. I grab the decorative post it notes I save for occasions like this and the brush tip calligraphy pen. She loves when I write in calligraphy.

Lucy, I love the way your hair stands up in the morning when you sleep on it when it’s still wet or when you’ve tossed and turned more than usual.

Love,

Natsu

I stick the little note to the tray and carry it back into the bedroom. Lucy is already dressed in her favorite outfit. My shirt (my favorite shirt) and the shorts that really show off her leg. God her legs look good.

“What’s this?” Lucy asks her eyes bright, she’s not stiff or trying to pretend anymore.

“I thought you could use a treat.” I set the tray on the bedside table and unwrap one of the chocolates. She smiles all big and looks at me like I’m so amazing for putting chocolate and tea on a tray and bringing it to her.

I hold the chocolate sphere to her lips and she takes a bite, still smiling as if this was some grand gesture. Lucy is so easy to please its almost hard not to please her.

I slide into bed beside her and hand her the tea, she sniffs it and sighs and takes a sip. Her eyes close and she sighs so long it’s as if she’s breathing every stress away. She takes another sip, eyes still closed and does the same thing. She peels her eyes open and leans into me and I feed her another bite.

“Thank you.” She burrows into my side with her tea cradled in her hands and she’s got a little bit of chocolate on her lips but I don’t say anything because I like it. I like that she doesn’t always look flawless because she is just so perfect at being her and that’s what perfect looks like to me.

I didn’t know what perfect looked like until I met Lucy. I squeeze her to my side and feed her more chocolate and she sips her tea again and this, this is perfect. I don’t want this to ever stop.

“Grandma sent the annual Christmas dinner invite today.” I tell her as I feed her another bite.

“Same day as usual?” She asks taking a sip of her tea.

“Yep.” I feed her more chocolate.

“How is she doing, I haven’t spoken to her in almost a week.” Lucy looks up to me.

“A week?” I ask, I haven’t spoken to her in a few weeks, maybe a month, not on the phone at least, she likes sending emails.

“Yeah we text all the time.” Lucy pulls the last bit of chocolate from my fingers with her teeth.

“My grandma texting?” I shake my head “since when.”

“Since I met her.” Lucy chuckles “you didn’t know?”

“I didn’t know my grandma knew how to text.” I admit “she always calls me when she wants to talk.”

“Yeah, your grandma texts me during lunch and when I’m on the subway and pretty much whenever she’s bored and I text her during breaks and when I’ve got the dogs at the park.” Lucy drains the rest of her tea and sets the cup on the bedside table. She grabs her phone and shows me the screen.

Emojis and text talk litter the screen, even my grandma is using emojis fluently.

“Since when can my grandma do this?” I laugh “she never even texts me back, she just calls me back when I text her.”

“At least two years.” Lucy texts my grandma a kissy face and sets her phone on her side.

“Maybe she just wants to hear your voice.” Lucy suggests.

“Yeah, maybe.” I watch Lucy for a moment. I want to talk about why she acted like that about the guy, is he an ex? A stalker? She seemed afraid but I don’t want to upset her again. She’ll talk to me when she needs to or when she’s ready to or… eventually. I trust her, I trust her and that’s all I need to know.

Lucy reaches over and clicks the light out and we settle into bed. She curls into my side and she starts to hum another song I can’t quite place.

“Hey, Lucy.” I whisper afraid to disturb her peace.

“Yeah, Natsu?” She asks, pausing her humming for the second.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” I ask. She smiles softly and nods, her hair tickling my arm.

“I know.” She says. “’ll tell you when I’m ready.” She says, her smile tightens a little but she goes on humming her song and I listen to her hum until she drifts to sleep and then I just listen to her breath. I love how her breath feels on my skin.

“I love you Lucy.” I press a kiss to the top of her head and squeeze her to my side.

===================================================================================  
Dear Book,

The Ball was AMAZING and guess what song was playing… YEP, Every Night by Imagine Dragons. I don’t know if I believe in signs but that seems like a pretty strong sign. I don’t know but I do believe in opportunity and he seems so great but not like he’s perfect, like he’s okay with himself.

Lucy  
==========================================================================

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and for the comments. I'm so glad anyone has found this story enjoyable. 
> 
> I hope everyone is doing great. 
> 
> Owen answers coming soon
> 
> Fun fact I almost made Owen Loki but I loved Loki too much to write his character like that so I just added an oc. 
> 
> I love the theories going on about Owen. It tells me how the story and characters are coming off to other readers. 
> 
> Thanks so much and I will see you guys tomorrow
> 
> Your comments and time your spending on my story mean so much 
> 
> XOXO


	9. Friendly Concern

I tap at the keys again, hoping that this time it’ll work. So far, I’ve made no progress and I think I’m overdosing on caffeine.  
“This one would look so good on you!” Lucy gushes, as she and Juvia flip through wedding magazines on the couch. Lucy set out tea and cookies on one of her favorite wooden tray thing.   
“Oh my gosh, yes!” Juvia squeals, she shoves the magazine at Grey. “what do you-no, shoot!” she hugs the magazine to her chest “never mind, don’t look.”  
“Why not?” Grey laughs.  
“You can’t see the dress until the day, its bad luck.” Juvia explains.   
“Come on.” Grey leans toward her “just a peak.”  
“No!” Juvia squeals, giggling as she pushes the magazine into Lucy’s hands. “It’s bad luck and we don’t need any of that.”   
Lucy laughs and hides the magazine behind her back her back.   
“Come on, just a peak.” Grey reaches behind Lucy, Lucy squeaks and hops off the couch.   
“Hey.” I bark jokingly. “That’s mine.”   
“Ooh,” Juvia giggles “careful, Natsu’s getting possessive.”  
“Natsu’s just protective.” Lucy smiles at me, still hiding the magazine behind her back. Grey sidesteps the couch and holds his hand out to Lucy.  
“Come on,” he says, “let me see.”   
Lucy smiles wider and cocks her brow. “Nope.” She tosses the magazine to Juvia, Grey just missed it.  
“Now that one is mine.” Grey pounces on Juvia, she shrieks and explodes into a fit of giggles. Grey kisses her and tries to slide his hand toward the magazine but Lucy whisks past and snatches the magazine up.  
“Almost.” Lucy holds the magazine out in front of her and flips it closed.  
“Good thinking.” Juvia pushes Grey off and Grey flops back against the couch. “I just wanted a peak.” He groans.   
“You will get the full effect on September sixteenth of next year.” Juvia nudges against Grey “Now, go sit on the chair so Lucy and I can keep looking at wedding dresses.” Juvia pushes Grey off the couch and Lucy plops back down beside her.   
“I love wedding dresses.” Lucy sighs “they’re so beautiful.”   
“Yeah.” Juvia agrees “except for that on.” She makes a face at the page Lucy has the magazine open to. “That one is ugly.”  
“Not particularly my style.” Lucy halfway agrees, always reluctant to be mean, even if that person would never find out. Lucy, she’s just good like that.  
“Whatcha working on?” Grey plops down beside me with his cup of coffee but he’s not watching me, he’s watching Juvia.  
“Attempting to write.” I sigh sitting back. Grey nods, still watching Juvia.  
“Thank you.” Grey says, finally looking at me.  
“For what?” I half laugh half scoff.  
“You and Lucy, you’re so solid.” He says, “it’s like you two just belong together, watching you guys… it’s as easy as breathing for you two.”  
“What are you talking about?” I ask.  
“You made me a better boyfriend, Natsu.” Grey says.  
“Dude, I still don’t get what you’re saying,” I admit “I mean, how could I have anything to do with you and Juvia’s relationship.?”  
“You just showed me it is possible to find the right girl and when I opened my eyes to it, I found Juvia.” He shakes his head and chuckles “I mean, you don’t marry a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you don’t even look for a wife or a husband.” His eyes shift toward Juvia “you find a best friend, you marry your best friend and you just enjoy each other.”   
“Yeah…” I agree watching Lucy’s hair sway with every move and stray strands cling to the couch.   
“We’re the luckiest guys on this planet.” Grey states.   
“Yeah.” I nod I am so lucky to have you, Lucy  
“You figure out what you wanna do about asking Lucy?” Grey’s eyes weigh down on me.   
“I saw a ring the other night on my way home from work.” I shake my head and stare into my hands “she would love it.”  
“I’m guessing it’s pricey.” Grey smirks “it doesn’t have to be, you could just ask her.”  
“No, I can’t” I shake sigh “she deserves more than that, she deserves that ring, she deserves some grand fairytale gesture.”  
“Then do it.” Grey says it likes it’s that simple.   
“I don’t have the money for the ring or the gesture.” I prop my head on my hand and watch Lucy flip through a magazine filled with wedding dresses.   
“Maybe it’s not the money thing.” Grey says, “maybe you’re just not ready to ask.”  
“I know she’s the one, Grey.” I shake my head, I can’t help the smile on my face. “I just know it, I feel it.”   
“Then what’s holding you back?” Grey looks at me like I’m an idiot. I probably am, I mean, what idiot holds off asking a girl like Lucy?   
“I don’t know she just…” I sigh and shake my head “she just deserves more than…”  
“More than you?” He asks. “Because I don’t think that’s your decision to make, I think that’s hers so stop making her mind up for her and man up, talk to her.”  
“How?” I demand “How do I talk to her about this?”   
“You’re making this so much harder than it has to be.” Grey drops his head back “just talk, that’s it, that’s literally it.”   
“It’s not-”  
Grey slaps the back of my head. “Shut up.”   
“What the heck, man?” I growl at him.  
“It’s not anything.” He says, “Tonight, talk to her about it.”  
“How.”  
“Start with, do you see us together forever?” Grey throws his arms out, as if it’s that’s easy, as if talking about that couldn’t lead to something I don’t want to know. Like maybe she doesn’t see us together forever, like maybe she’s just waiting for something better to come along. Except, Lucy isn’t like that, she’s honest and kind and loving and real.  
“Yeah… you’re right.” I nod. I watch Lucy on the couch for a moment.  
“Can I tell you something that you won’t say anything to anyone, even Juvia?” I ask him.  
“course.” Grey brows furrow in confusion.   
“This guy stopped by a few days ago when you were passed out on my couch.” I begin.  
“What did he want?” Grey asks.   
“He was asking for Lucy, he was weird though.” I push away from the table and lean back.   
“What was weird about it?” Grey sits back.  
“When I told him Lucy was out he started yelling for her, like I was hiding her or something.” I slide a glance at Lucy but she’s not listening to us, she’s still busy with Juvia.  
“Was he high?” Grey half laughs but he looks uncertain.   
“I don’t know, he said he’d be back later.” I keep an eye on Lucy, I don’t want to upset her again.  
“Did you tell Lucy?” Grey asks.   
“Yeah and she got really upset.” I lean closer and lower my voice “she wouldn’t talk about it, she just shut down, she looked… scared.”   
“What do you think it is?” Grey asks, “an ex, maybe she had a stalker before?”  
“I don’t know, I’m afraid to bring it up again.” I glance at Lucy to make sure she’s not listening in.   
“Well, you’ve got to find out.” Grey says, “if she’s that afraid of someone we need to handle it.”   
“We?” I ask.  
“of course,” Grey looks at me like I’m stupid “she might be your girlfriend but she’s my friend too and if someone’s giving her a problem they’ve got a problem with me too.” Grey sounds angry.  
“Everything okay over there?” Lucy must have heard Grey.  
“Yeah, everythin-”  
“No.” Grey interrupts me “Lucy, is there someone bothering you?” Grey pushes away from the table as if he’s ready to fight someone right now.  
“What?” Lucy’s face morphs into a mixture of surprise and anxiety.   
“is there anyone bothering you?” Grey asks again “because me and Natsu will handle it right now.”  
Lucy freezes, her eyes widen the slightest bit and trail down to my casted arm. I can see the guilt there. She still blames herself. She forces a smile and meets Grey’s eyes.  
“Of course not, everything is fine.” Lucy pushes out a stiff laugh but neither Grey or Juvia are buying it.   
“Lucy…” Juvia rests a hand on Lucy’s shoulder. Lucy meets Juvia’s eyes with that same stiff smile.  
“Everything is okay,” Lucy laughs nervously, as if she’s losing her breath “really, I’d tell you guys if I needed help.” She’s not lying there. She must not think she needs help.  
“Then who was that guy that stopped by to see you?” Grey demands. Lucy goes stiff as a board, her eyes land on mine and along with everything else she’s feeling, she looks hurt.  
“You told him?” Her voice is barely loud enough for me to hear.   
“Lucy,” I begin. Lucy curls in on herself again, trying to shrink into the tiniest version of herself and disappear.  
“I told you everything was okay.” She says, there’s a rare edge to her voice “I told you I’d tell you if it became a thing and it hasn’t.”  
“Lucy, I’m just worried about you.” I nudge the chair aside as I stand.   
“Everything is fine.” Lucy says again sounding more like she’s trying to convince herself more than us.   
“Are you sure?” Juvia asks reaching for Lucy. Lucy backs away, Grey and Juvia follow her.  
“Lucy, tell me who’s bothering you and I will take care of it.” Grey says sounding dangerous and. I can make that promise but I can’t keep it. I’m not a fighter, not like Grey, I can’t protect her maybe that’s why she didn’t tell you I think.   
“Everything is fine.” Lucy repeats out of breath. Her shoulders press back as she fills her chest with air. She shakes her head “it’s-” she gasps “fine.” She’s forcing the words out.  
“Back up guys.” I don’t say it loud enough move, you idiot  
“Lucy, you don’t have to be afraid.” Juvia’s voice sounds soothing but Lucy doesn’t look soothed.  
“Let me take care of him for you.” Grey says.  
Move, she’s having a panic attack! My brain is ordering me forward but I’m stuck there watching it you can’t even react! I scream at myself help her!  
Finally, my feet move and I’m drawing closer to her. Grey and Juvia are trapping her against the wall, her hand is pressed against her chest.   
“back up.” I say again, a little louder this time. still not loud enough though because they don’t hear me.   
“I-” gasp “every-” gasp “its-” gasp. Her eyelids flutter as the lack of oxygen hits her, she reaches behind her trying to find the wall. Her legs give out.  
“Lucy!” Juvia shrieks as Lucy goes down. I reach her just in time to fall with her.  
“Back up.” I snap again, they hear me this time.  
“She hasn’t had a panic attack in so long.” Juvia’s voice is light, like she’s afraid to speak too loudly.   
“Lucy,” I fan my hand over her face.   
“Tea.” Grey runs to the kitchen and puts a pot on. Juvia shifts from foot to foot, anxiously waiting for Lucy to wake up.  
“Go help him.” I tell Juvia, she needs something to do. “He doesn’t know which teas don’t have caffeine.”  
“Right.” Juvia jumps at the chance to be helpful.  
“Lucy.” I pull her into my lap. Her eyes flutter before sliding open.  
“Did I faint?” She asks, she still looks dazed.   
“Yeah, you did.” I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding. “Are you okay?” I ask her. She smiles and nods but the smile falls almost immediately.  
“Why did you tell him?” She asks, “You know how Grey is.”  
“I was just worried.” I tell her, “you were upset the other day on the phone and then you didn’t even want to answer your phone and there’s clearly something going on and I’m just worried that you’re not telling me because-”  
“One cup of piping out tension tamer tea.” Juvia drops to her knees beside Lucy with Lucy’s favorite Paris cup.  
“Thank you.” Lucy pushes herself up, I sit behind her so she can lean against me as she takes the cup. Lucy takes a second to smell the tea and then carefully takes a sip, her eyes close and she disappears in her tea world for a few moments before sighing and opening her eyes again.   
“Thank you, guys.” Lucy says sounding much better. She looks at each of us.   
“Anything.” Juvia rests her hand on Lucy’s knees.  
“You can always count on us.” Grey says obviously not so much about the fainting as the previous thing. Lucy seems to notice too because she nods and looks him in the eyes.  
“I promise, I will tell you if I need help with him.” Lucy’s eyes are tight but she means what she says. She pivots around to press a kiss to my cheek “you too, Natsu.” She says, “you’ll be the first one I tell.”   
“Promise?” I press.  
“Promise.” She smiles and starts to get up, but Grey, Juvia and I all reach for her at the same time to pull her up. Grey pulls her into a hug.  
“You’d better call me if he shows up again.” He means just for her to hear it but he’s not really a quite person.   
“I will.” Lucy’s voice it still shaky. Juvia hugs Lucy from behind. Lucy’s phone lights up on the ground, I recognize the number immediately when I grab the phone from the ground. I grab a pen from the table and scribble it down on the edge of a magazine page before rejecting it. I’m going to find out who’s bothering her.   
=============================================================================================

Dear Internal Monologue,  
He’s a writer, he read to me under the stars tonight and we had Champaign and chocolate covered strawberries but he had to leave before the clock struck midnight. I guess he was going to turn into a pumpkin or something. LOL, just kidding, he had work.   
He’s also working on polishing up his book to get it published. It’s about this girl who’s like sixteen and she meets this little boy who has cancer, well the girl volunteers in a kid’s cancer center and there’s this especially mean boy there and she takes him to fulfill his last 12 wishes because he terminal and his parents stopped visiting him because they couldn’t handle the pain of watching their son die.   
He read me the first fifty pages and gave me a summary before he had to go. It sounds really good so far.  
He hasn’t kissed me yet though. I don’t know why he’s waiting so long. I don’t have forever.  
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double post today eeeeeeh  
> Thanks you so much for the comments and feedback I love getting them. They give me a nice break between my packed schedule. Thanks you so much and have a great night and I'll see you guys tomorrow. 
> 
> social media  
> Tiktok @nunchigoya  
> YT Nunchi Trash  
> IG nunchi.trash


	10. Where Do You See Us

Lucy lays across the grass on the blanket with her sketch book in front of her. She scribbles away practicing. She’s really gotten good at it, she wants to do realism.   
“How’s the book?” Lucy asks, her eyes still on the paper.   
“It’s great, I love Scott Westerfield.” I try to focus on my book but I love watching her stress, she’s just always doing something to better herself.   
“You’ve been on the same page for the last ten minutes.” She smiles at me over her shoulder “I know you read faster than that.”   
I sigh and lay on my back beside her “it’s not easy when you’re just laying here looking all beautiful and ethereal.”   
“Oh my gosh stawp!” She drops her head onto her sketch book.  
“Stop what?” I ask twirling a lock of hair around my finger. “being honest.”  
“You’re too much.” She props her head on her hand and just looks at me.  
“I just think you deserve to know how much I love you all the time.” I tell her honestly, she loves honest love.   
“Yeah?” She bites her lip trying to hide her smile.   
“definitely.” I sit up and peck a kiss on her lips. She giggles and follows me back to the ground keeping her lips on mine.  
“I love you so much, Natsu.” She whispers wrapping her arms around my neck.  
“I love you more than anything else.” I wrap my arms around her “you’re my world, Lucy.” Her arms tighten around me and she just holds onto me. I squeeze her back I’m here for you I think I’m right here, just tell me what wrong. I don’t say anything though, I just hold her.   
“Sorry.” She gives a breathy laugh and sits back. “I interrupted your reading.” She lays back down in front of her sketch book and starts in on some shading. I try to read my book but my eyes keep falling on her, just watching her. her hair is frizzy today, she’s got a rash on her shoulder half hidden under her t-shirt. It always flares up when she’s stressed. She chews on her cheek as she focuses on her drawing, her eyes squint a little then she starts to smile. She’s liking her work so far. Her legs kick in the air and she starts to hum again.  
“What song is that?” I ask her. She smiles, her eyes firmly on her drawing.  
“Phoenix by Lindsey sterling.” She says.  
“Sing me the words.” I tuck her hair behind her ear.  
“it’s instrumental,” she says “Lindsey is that amazing dancing violinist we were watching the week.”   
“Oh, I thought it sounded familiar.” It didn’t, I didn’t remember it at all but, Lucy is good with music though.  
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it.” She continues humming it, she sounds nice. She’s not amazing at singing but she sounds nice.   
“Yeah.” I agree but I’m not talking about the music.   
She switches a few songs after a few minutes of humming Phoenix before she settles on one I recognize. It’s the one she was humming at the park the other day. The one by Neal or Niall or something like that. I don’t remember the title but she likes it, that’s good enough for me.   
I turn over and set my book in front of me. I glance at her drawing, she’s really doing well on the shading. She always says the shading is the hardest part for her, I think she just never practiced it before.   
“Looking good.” I tell her. she smiles.  
“Thank you.” She stops for a second before she starts in again on the other side of the face. She’s content just doing this. A five-dollar sketch book, the fifty pack of Crayola colored pencils and the sun hanging over her. It’s warm for a fall day today.   
A familiar tone demands attention from her back pocket, she freezes and I swear I can see her rash flaring up even more.   
“Do you want me to get it?” I offer. She forces a stiff smile, I don’t like how often I’m seeing her stiff smiles lately.   
“No, I got it.” She pushes off the ground and walks a bit away from me, she doesn’t want me to hear.   
I watch her stare at her phone for a moment before she brings it to her ear,  
“What do you want?” her voice is far but I can hear her desperation.  
“Just leave me alone, it’s been two years.” I can hear tears in her voice.  
“I didn’t want anything to do with you then and I don’t want anything to do with you now.” Her voice is harsher than usually but after seeing the effect just mentioning has on her, I’m glad. Everyone has a breaking point and if someone found Lucy’s then they must be truly awful, done something terrible. Not necessarily to her either. She has such a high thresh hold for B.S even Grey can’t light her fuse like this.   
“No, go away.” Lucy hisses into the phone “I’m happy, I’m finally happy-” she goes silent for a few moments, she closes her eyes and she lets her phone drop down to her side.  
She’s just standing there now. Staring at the ground, I don’t have to see to guess she’s got a tear or two slipping out of her eye but I don’t know if she wants me to go to her or if she’d rather I hadn’t seen that. I know she didn’t want me to hear it.  
After another second, she seems to gather herself a bit better and she makes her way back to me. She plops down on the blanket and lays back against me resting her head on my chest and stares up at the sky.   
“I can’t wait to have dinner with your family.” She says, “I miss your grandma.”  
“Me too.” I chuckle grandma texting.  
“What was your mom like?” Lucy asks. “You don’t really talk about her, I’ve heard a few stories but you never really say much beyond that.” Lucy turns her head to meet my eyes.  
“I miss her.” I admit “I miss her all the time,” my heart squeezes at the thought of my mom “she was the mom that cooked way too much food and she’d always invite my friends over without even telling me.” I laugh “so I’d just come home and my friends would already be there helping her set the table.” I shake my head at the memory. She could be a bit eccentric at times.  
“And she made hot cocoa for us on winter mornings before the bus came dared the bus driver to say anything about us having drinks on the bus.” A mixture of happy and sad bubble inside my chest.  
“She was just… she was just amazing and the perfect mom and then she was gone.” I swallow the lump in my throat and ignore the few tears that escaped down my face. “I miss her so much sometimes I forget how to breathe.”   
Lucy reaches up and wipes my tears away. “Your mom sounds amazing,” Lucy’s smile breaks through my sadness, the same way it did when we first met.   
“I wish I could have met her.” Lucy brushes her thumb over my cheek.  
“She would have loved you.” I smooth her hair back and smile at her.   
“Do you ever blame her for leaving you?” Lucy whispers, its like she’s afraid of the question. I shake my head.  
“Of course not… at least not anymore.” I amend “I did when it first happened, but I was young and stupid and I just wanted someone I could blame so that I could be mad at them, eventually I realized it wasn’t her fault, it’s just… things happen that we can’t control.” I shrug “and as much as it hurt and as sad as I was… as I still am sometimes.” I shake my head again “it wasn’t her fault, she gave me her best every day and I know she loved me.” I smile at the memories, I miss you so much mom. “it’s more than I could have ever asked for.”   
I look to the sky, I don’t know how religious I am but it is nice to believe she’s still up there…watching over me. I understand why believing in a heaven is better than nothing. At least when someone dies they’re somewhere, they can maybe even still hear you, but imagining a world where my mom just ceases to exist is worse than anything else. Someone like her, she can’t just be nowhere, as if she never happened. As if she were something extra the world was relived to get rid of.   
“You okay?” Lucy asks me. I nod.  
“I’m okay, just thinking about her.” I keep smoothing Lucy’s hair back, it’s probably more soothing to me than it is to her.   
“I think she’d be proud of you.” Lucy says.   
“I like to think she is.” I stare at the clouds as they float by. Lucy arches her back and tiny pops trail up her spine. She sighs and relaxes against me and we just watch the Sky. 

****  
Lucy yawns and stretches as I close the door behind us. I drop the rolled-up blanket on the side of the chair.  
“I’m starving.” Lucy heads straight into the kitchen and throws the fridge open. “we have… cucumber, some left over tuna salad and… lemon water.”   
“You wanna go back out and get something to eat?” I stop taking my shoes off.   
“Nope…” Lucy grabs the remaining contents from our fridge and drops them on the table “I’ve got this.”   
Lucy slices the cucumbers in even discs and spoons a portion of tuna onto the top of them and holds the plate out to me.  
“Ta-da!” She smiles at me. “Snacks and then shopping.”  
I sit across from her and take a slice. It’s taste a lot better than I thought it was going to taste. It’s fresh and crisp. She’s good at this kind of thing, taking the last bit of food in our fridge and making something look way fancier than it actually is.   
“Good?” Lucy asks taking a bite of one.   
“Mmhhmm.” I nod and take another one.   
“I’m glad.” She finishes off her first one and takes another one. She starts to sing between bites and bobs her head and rocks her shoulders. I just watch her and eat the cucumber and tuna.   
“You never go to the store hungry.” Lucy pops another bite into her mouth.   
“Anything you say.” I eat another one and they’re actually filling me up faster than I thought they would. Lucy’s holds a smile but her eyes crease the slightest bit, I’ve said something wrong but I don’t know what it could possibly be. Most girls want their boyfriends to agree with them.  
“Let’s not go to the store just yet.” I suggest “lets go take a nap together, before I go to work.” I watch her face lose all tension and she smiles a big smile and nods.   
“A nap would be perfect.” Lucy finishes off the last cucumber bite and takes my hand.   
Lucy curls against my chest, her arms locking me as close to her as I can get. I squeeze her back and kiss her head. She sighs and nuzzles into my chest.   
“Where do you see us in ten years?” I ask her, she sighs again but this isn’t a content sigh. This sigh is one of her breathing sighs she uses to keep herself from getting worked up.  
“like this.” She says squeezing me.  
“Like this, as in still barely making enough to pay the bills and keep the fridge full or…” I leave It open for her to finish.  
“Like this.” She squeezes me again for emphasis. “Together, I want to be with you forever, Natsu.”   
“What do you think about Grey asking Juvia to marry him?” I ask hoping she’ll take the reins and take this conversation where I really want it to be.  
“I think it’s about time.” Lucy giggles “they’re so cute together.”   
“What else?” I prod.  
“Nothing else.” She’s smiling with her forehead pressed to me chest. “I can’t wait to go to her wedding.”  
“Don’t you mean their wedding?” I chuckle. She pulls her head back and cocks a brow at me.  
“No…” she gives her head the tiniest of shakes “I mean her wedding.”   
“I guess she’s already taken over, hasn’t she?” I push Lucy’s hair away from her face.   
“I think he relinquished all power the second he took her on their first date.” She yawns and rests her head back on my chest.   
“Juvia can be hard-”  
“Impossible.” Lucy interjects.  
“Impossible,” I amend “to disagree with.”   
“I love her though.” Lucy squeezes me and rubs her face against my chest. She closes her eyes and her arms relax but they stay locked around me. I smooth her hair back and let thick locks of it trail through my fingers as she relaxes and hums softly to herself.  
“What do you think about marriage?” I ask her “for you?”  
“I didn’t want to get married.” She doesn’t sound fully awake.  
“Why not?” I ask her, unfairly taking advantage of her half-asleep state.  
“I never…” she trails off.  
“Never what?” I prod.  
“Never saw myself with anyone.” She nuzzles me again. “I was always alone.”  
“Alone?” I repeat surprised. Lucy alone? I can’t fathom it.   
She nods against me. She never talks about her family…  
“Are you an orphan?” I ask, her face scrunches but she’s at the point where she’s too close to sleep to get upset.   
“Just because there’s people around you…” she yawns “doesn’t mean you’re not…” she licks her lips “not alone.”   
“Do you still feel alone?” I ask her, concerned, why doesn’t she talk about her family, she never goes out of town to visit them, she never calls them or gets calls from them or letters…  
“Where’s your family?” I ask her, she grumbles but no answer. It’s too late, my window closed.  
Lucy settles into a deeper sleep. I hold onto her close my eyes, I should get some sleep before work tonight. Where is her family? 

========================================================================================  
Dear …?  
He kissed me. He just kissed me. He didn’t try to come upstairs or try anything else. He kissed me and he smiled at me and he was okay with that. It’s kind of early and I don’t want to scare him off but I think I love him.  
I was hoping for someone to have fun with, I didn’t think I was going to feel like this about him. I didn’t think there was going to be so much about him to like.

Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying this story, the comments have made me so happy because this is the first love story type piece I've written.   
> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos.   
> I think I'm gonna make a mini book trailer kind of thing for it on my tiktok my reach has been garbage the last few months, I'm pretty sure my account is dead, so I'm just being ridiculous about it at this point.   
> As Always I will see you tomorrow. have a great day   
> XOXO


	11. Lucy Has a Mom

Lucy left before I woke up, I’m kind of glad she did, I don’t know if I want her to remember yesterday’s conversation or not. Lucy alone I can’t see it. Lucy isn’t the kind of person that is alone, she’s too kind, too loving. I unroll the piece of magazine with the number on it from my pocket and stare at it. I know it’s the number she was afraid to answer. I don’t think I could ever forget something that makes Lucy so still.

“Call it.” I order myself, a piece of paper shouldn’t feel so heavy. I grab my phone and type in the first three numbers before my thumb takes on a mind of it’s own and deletes those numbers and dials Grey’s instead.

“What’s up? “Grey answers almost immediately.

“I got the number that Lucy won’t answer.” I tell him straight off.

“So, call it.” Grey doesn’t hesitate, he knows how he’d handle it if it was Juvia. I know how he’d handle it if he had the number.

“Do you want me to call it?” He offers.

“No, I can do it I just…” I stare at the paper.

“There’s a guy that literally makes your girl pass out from anxiety at the thought of him.” Grey says firmly “we need to handle this whether she wants us to or not.”

“What if she’s not ready for me to know?” I ask, “what if she just needs more time to tell me.”

“Natsu.” Grey interrupts, his voice severe. “Stop with the what ifs, the are’s are; he’s scaring Lucy, he’s making her faint, he’s making her keep secrets from you.” Grey ticks everything off “if you don’t want to call, that’s fine, but give me the number so I can.” Grey is the kind of friend you desperately want in school and in the club and anytime you need someone to back you up.

“I can do it.” I tell him “I just don’t want her to get upset again, I hate it when she’s upset.”

“She knows that, it’s why she tries to pretend she’s okay.” Grey says the thing I was afraid to hear.

“She doesn’t think I can protect her, does she?” I look down at my hand. it still aches.

“She just knows you don’t like it when she’s upset.” Grey says, “call that number and see who’s doing this to her.”

“Yeah…” I shove my hair back “yeah, I’ll call now, thanks, Grey.”

“No problem man, tell me what happens.” Grey hangs up first and I stand there for the longest three minutes of my life just staring at my own phone.

“Call.” I order myself. My thumb hits the first number and then the second. Finally, the full number is displayed on my phone. All I have to do is hit call he’s scaring Lucy

A familiar ringtone makes me freeze, my thumb just over the call button. “Lucy forgot her phone.” I pull the blanket aside and reveal her IPhone. It’s just a number on the screen, it’s not the same number but it’s got the same area code and the same first three digits. I grab her phone. What are you doing, she’ll get so upset if you answer her phone without telling her. My subconscious yells at me but my thumb hits the answer button anyway. I’ll tell her later I promise as I bring the phone to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Who’s this?” it’s a woman’s voice.

“Natsu.” I struggle to keep my voice clear. “Lucy forgot her phone.”

“Where is Lucy?” the woman demands.

“Working, she’ll be back later.” I stop myself before I can tell her a time, maybe Lucy doesn’t want to talk to this persona either.

“May I ask who’s calling?” I ask.

“May I ask who I’m speaking to.” She mocks me, she sounds a little drunk.

“Natsu.” I tell her my name again.

“And why do you have Lucy’s phone?” She demands.

“She forgot it at home,” I try to keep my voice controlled but this woman already doesn’t sound like the reasonable type.

“And who are you to my daughter?” she barks. DAUGHTER! I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Her boyfriend.” I say more firmly.

“Well tell her her mother called for her and if she’s not too busy abandoning her family to give us a call.” She slurs her words a bit “tell her two years is a bit long to sulk over a cup.” the woman, Lucy’s mother, hangs up and I just stand there. Her mother? I can’t seem to move.

Her MOTHER. Why is she avoiding her own mother? I call Grey again.

“What happened?” Grey asks immediately

“I didn’t call the number.” I admit.

“I’m coming over there.” Grey growls.

“No, wait.” I grab my hair “I didn’t call because Lucy’s phone rang and so… I answered it.” It’s not like I’ve never answered her phone before but I knew she wouldn’t want me to do it now.

“Who was it?” Grey demand.

“Her mom.” I shake my head.

“Lucy has a mom?” Grey sounds equally as surprised.

“I guess so.” I know that we sound like idiots because obviously, she has a mom.

“What did she say?” Grey asks trying to move past the realization that Lucyhas kept her entire family from me.

“She sounded a little drunk.” I tell him “and she said Lucy hasn’t spoken to her in two years.”

Grey doesn’t say anything for a minute. “So…” he pauses again “she called her daughter, who she hasn’t spoken to in two years…drunk?” He says it like a question but I know he’s just dumbfounded at the idea.

“I guess so.” I don’t know what else to say.

“Maybe Lucy has a good reason for not talking to her.” Grey sighs.

“She has to, Lucy wouldn’t just abandon someone.” I sit on the bed.

“Look, Natsu…” Grey hesitates “you still have to call that number, take a minute here, then call it.” He hangs up.” I toss my phone back onto the bed and lay back.

“Natsu!” Lucy sings my name. I tuck her phone under the blankets but then I stop. Don’t start keeping secrets from her I grab her phone and head out to her. She’s got a few grocery bags and her hair is up in a messy bun on her head and she looks beautiful even if I can see the sweat stains in the pits of her white t-shirt. 

“I got some food!” She sings holding the bags out, I can see the carton of eggs through the thin plastic bag.

“Awesome.” I hurry over and grab the bags from her. “here,” I tuck her phone into her pocket “You forgot this on the bed.” I peck a kiss on her cheeks and lead the way to the kitchen.

“Thanks, did I get any calls?” She asks as I unload the bags.

“Uh…” I shouldn’t lie to her.

“Oh, I got some spinach and cherry tomatoes on sale, I’ll make us some eggs.” Lucy grabs the bag of spinach, tomatoes and eggs. She takes them over to the stove as I unload a bag of potatoes, some pasta and rice and a few jars of sauce.

“Do anything interesting today?” Lucy asks taking out a cutting board and slices the tomatoes into even tinier pieces.

Tell her the truth I think “uh… nothing interesting.”

“What time did you get up?” she asks whisking the eggs and cooking down the spinach.

“Just a little bit before you got home.” At least that’s not really a lie. I didn’t get out of bed until about an hour ago. I spent most of the morning staring at the ceiling trying to figure out if I should call the number.

“Well it’s good you got some rest.” Lucy smiles at me over her shoulder “you were tired when you came home last night.”

“Yeah, rough night at work.” I pack the fridge with the groceries and go to stand beside her.

“Saturday nights are always busy for you guys.” She stirs her mixture together and starts humming another song. I wrap my arms around her as she cooks.

“What song is that?” I ask kissing her neck. She giggles and stirs the eggs.

“Even though we ain’t got money by Danny Jones.” She turns the stove off and takes the pan off the burner. I reach over her and grab some plates.

“I’ve heard it before, I think.” I set the plates down.

“Yes, I’ve played it on the speakers before; it’s one of my favorites.” She places a fork on each plate before she scoops out a portion onto each plate for us.

“Is that what it’s called?” I knew that, I just need to take this conversation away from what I was doing while she was walking dogs. 

“You knew that, already.” She accuses.

“This looks good.” I pull her chair out for her but she doesn’t take the seat immediately.

“Everything okay?” I ask her, but she’s looking at me like she’s about to ask me something. So I do something I know will make her change the subject. I lean closer to her.

“Is it a thing?” I ask, I hate myself for it. Lucy’s eyes go wide and she forces a smile and takes the seat.

“Nope.” She says, “everything’s fine.” She throws a bite back and looks at her food.

I take my seat and try not to choke on my own heartlessness. She doesn’t hum anything, she doesn’t even look out at the window.

“Let me get you some lemon water.” I go to the fridge and grab the old milk carton she uses to keep her lemon water cold. I grab her favorite stemless wine glass from the cabinet and fill it just under the brim for her. I stash the water back into the fridge and set her water on the table.

“Thank you.” She smiles at me “you’re so thoughtful.” Her smile is so genuine.

“I answered your phone.” I blurt, it’s a good thing I never look at other girls. I could never be a cheater.

“What?” Lucy freezes with the rim of the cup against her lips.

“I heard your phone ringing and I wasn’t going to answer it but it wasn’t the number you didn’t want to answer before so I answered it and-” I cut myself off, I really don’t want to upset her but I can’t do this, I can’t lie to her. I just want her to be happy and clearly something is keeping her from being happy.

“Who was on the phone?” she asks timidly.

“Your… it was your mom.” I tell her.

“Oh…” Lucy looks lost, her eyes kind of glaze over and she stares at her plate for a few moments. “Must have gotten my number from him.” her voice is so low I don’t think she meant for me to hear it.

“Lucy?” I touch her hand, she flinches and her eyes refocus on me. she looks like she just remembered I was there.

“Sorry, yeah…um… guess I’ll call her back later.” She goes back to her food but she’s not okay, she’s lost in her head, her brows drawn together, when she’s not chewing on her food she’s chewing on her lip.

“Anything you want to talk about?” I offer, maybe she wants me to offer. I watch her but she doesn’t even look at me.

“I didn’t think you’d mind if I answered you phone since it wasn’t the number you didn’t want to answer.” It’s only half a lie. We answer each other’s phones all the time but I knew she wasn’t going to want me to answer her phone when she’s clearly trying to avoid someone or a more than just one person.

“No, it’s fine.” Lucy tries to shake it off but I can see her anxiety.

“Can I ask you a question?” I shouldn’t be pushing her.

“Mmhhmm.” She bites at her lip.

“Why don’t you ever talk about your mom?” I ask her “or your family?”

Lucy pushes her food around her plate, she wants to say something, I don’t think she knows how to say it.

“I…” she almost seems to push the word out. “It’s…” she chokes on the word. I reach for her hand to comfort her but she pushes away from the table and walks out of the kitchen. The door clicks behind her.

go after her I order myself, instead I grab my phone and I try to call her. Her phone goes off in the living room. I wait for the voicemail anyway.

“hey, leave a message at the beep.” She sounds happy and carefree and completely Lucy on her voicemail.

“I love you, Lucy.” I say, “I love you so much, I didn’t mean to upset you.” I hang up and set my phone on the table.

Go after her she’s not far, not yet but Lucy doesn’t leave unless she needs space.

Go after her…   
============================================================================================ 

Dear Paper,

Yeah, sounds right, paper, since the paper is what I’m writing on.

He took me for a walk. Just a walk, nothing fancy, no dressing up or drinking. We just held hands and walked and he told me about growing up in Oregon and why he wanted to move to New York and why he started writing. He promised his mom he’d keep writing before she died. They were really close. He even shed a few tears and I held him and I don’t think I’ve ever found a man so attractive.

I love that he’s not afraid to cry. Not even in front of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Multi Chapter post kind a night, see you in a sec


	12. Where are we Going?... Towards!

My neck has a major crick in it when the sunlight hits my eyes and pulls me out of my sleep. I groan as I straighten up but my arm doesn’t come with me. I look down at it to find Lucy curled against me still dressed in her yoga pants and white t-shirt, her hair even messier than yesterday. I wrap my other arm around her and squeeze her.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers.

“No, I’m sorry.” I squeeze her as hard as I can “I shouldn’t have pushed, I knew I shouldn’t have answered the phone and I’m just really sorry.” I nuzzle my face into her hair and hold her there and she lets me.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, Lucy,” I kiss the top of her head.

“I know.” Her voice is still a whisper.

“I just want to protect you.” I tell her.

“I know.” She says again.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, Lucy.” I drop my forehead to hers and look into her eyes. She reaches up and brushes her fingers across my cheek.

“Me either.” She presses a kiss to my mouth, I love that she never holds a grudge.

She pulls back too soon but not away. She keeps her hand on my arm, her eyes full of remorse.

“I didn’t mean to be gone for so long, I just started walking and then I just…” she sighs “there are just things I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with anymore, things I thought I took care of but now it’s like…” she shakes her head as if to erase the thought.

“Like what?” I ask.

“It doesn’t matter.” She says firmly “It’s just something I thought I was finished with and apparently, I’m not so…” she shrugs “I have to deal with it… eventually.”

“You know I’m here for you.” I cup her chin in my hand “whatever you need me for, I’m here.”

“I know, I just wanted to leave certain things behind.” She gives me a quick peck on the cheek and slides off the couch. She holds her hand out to me “come have morning drinks with me.”

“Perfect.” I let her pull me into the kitchen, I take a seat at the table and text Grey and Juvia to let them know Lucy made it home alright.

“So…”

Lucy’s phone interrupts me, she freezes and glances at the screen but the smile that spread across her face means it can only be one person.

“Hey Juvia.” She puts the kettle on and pops some bread into the toaster. I can hear Juvia’s voice from across the kitchen.

“I know.” Lucy’s voice gets a little quieter “I’m sorry, I just needed to be alone and figure a few things out.” Lucy grabs an avocado from the fridge and cuts it in half. The toast pops up and she puts it on her favorite plate, the one with the colorful arrows and feathers on it.

she pops in two more slices of bread and smears the avocado over the two pieces of toast.

“I know, I know.” Lucy smiles slightly “I’ll call you back in a bit, Natsu and I are about to eat some breakfast.” She smiles a little wider.

“I love you too, Juvia, bye.” Lucy sets her phone aside and brings the plate of toast to me. She grabs one slice and pushes the other toward me.

“Eat up while its hot.” She goes back to the stove and grabs two cups down. Of course, she grabs her Paris cup and a tea bag from her tea drawer for her and the instant coffee for me. I love watching her in the mornings. She just wakes up glowing, something is still off though[GM1] .

****

Lucy keeps her arm linked through mine as we walk through Manhattan. There’s no way we can actually afford anything here but, Lucy likes to look at the buildings and the lights. She seems lighter, I guess leaving our phones at home was a good idea after all. She’s not worried about getting a call she doesn’t want to answer.

“They’ve already got some lights up, they set up for Christmas earlier and earlier every year.” Lucy laughs. “It’s not even Halloween yet.”

“They probably want to get it up before the cold sets in.” I guess. “can’t imagine it’s fun putting this stuff up in the snow and ice.”

“You’re probably right.” Lucy agrees squeezing my arm. She rests her head against my arm “I wouldn’t want to work on ladders in the ice and cold.” Her eyes trail over the city, she seems more like herself as she admires everything around us. I can’t help but look at her, nothing here is as beautiful or worthy of my complete and undivided attention as Lucy is. The lights reflect in her eyes, the cold air makes her cheeks pink and that lip balm she always uses makes her smell fruity and makes her lips look almost as soft as they feel.

“This is good.” She breathes the words, I don’t think she even meant them for me, I think she’s just reminding herself. She pulls away the slightest bit she turns to get a few extra seconds to look at something.

“What should we make for dinner tonight?” Lucy asks, eyes trailing from the bottoms of the buildings all the way to the top. We pass boutiques and salons and jewelry stores, we pass the one I saw the ring she would love in and I stop to look at it. She follows me without question, her eyes trailing over the glittering case.

“What do you think of these?” I ask her.

“They’re pretty she says, awfully shiny though.” She chews on her cheek, her eyes falling on the very ring I knew she’d like.

“These look like engagement rings.” She notes and slides a smile at me “is this about the other day?” She asks.

“What other day?” I try to shrug it off but I guess I know now… she remembers.

“When you asked what I thought about marriage.” She gives me a knowing look and straightens back up.

“and?” I ask her.

“And…” she looks at the display of things I can’t buy her and she looks to me. Her smile is gentle, her eyes serene and as she brings her hand to my face “are you asking?” she looks like an angel. A human being just can’t be this perfect.

“Do you want me to?” I ask back, her eyes cloud a bit and she drops her hand to my shoulder.

“That’s not the question I was talking about.” She glances back at the rings for a second before returning her eyes to me. “I told you that I see you, I only see you.” She smiles again but this time there’s an edge of sadness to it. “If you have to ask then maybe you’re not ready.” She puts on a good face, but it’s tainted with disappointment.

Good job, you’re messing up the best thing that’s ever happened to you

“And that’s okay.” She takes a deep breath, the kind she takes when she doesn’t want to lose control of her emotions.

No, it’s not okay, I think fix this, ask her! I just watch her as her hands falls away from my shoulder and she wraps her arms around herself and she nods her head toward the street.

“Let’s keep walking, I don’t want to go home yet.” She takes my hand when I don’t move and pulls me forward. There’s still a bounce to her step and her a bob in her head and her hair still cascades perfectly down her back but something is missing.

“Come on.” Lucy pulls me faster, she’s wearing her white converse with the red stripe today. She pulls me into a run and we’re just running and man… I love her durability. She just keeps going, nothing can hold her down.

So, who is calling that seems to be a weight dragging against her? I shake the thought away because I don’t want to think about it when Lucy is trying not to.

“Faster!” She laughs as her hair whips back and a few strands flap into my mouth. I choke them out and run faster.

“Come on, Natsu!” her breath is picking up, her pulse is in her hand but she loves this. I love that she can find joy in anything.

“Come on!” Lucy pulls me faster, I try to keep up but she’s fast, she’s always been fast.

“I’m coming!” I find myself laughing with her, her laugh is contagious. She pulls me down the street through the clusters of people, visitors and New Yorkers and tourists all in their perspective groups and Lucy doesn’t fit into any of them.

“Come on!” Lucy giggles whipping around a corner so fast I almost run into her.   
“Where are we going?” I ask her, she laughs again.

“Towards.” She says.

“Towards what?” I try to get a little more information.

“I don’t know.” She keeps running. I should have known she wouldn’t know any more than I do. I’d follow her anywhere though.

We finally stop, chests heaving, heart pounding in our chest. She stands in the grass I can see the bridge just down the way as Lucy raises her arms to the sky, her chest inflates with her breath and she drops her head back. She closes her eyes and spins in a circle fully enjoying the night, cold river air and all.

I rest my hands on her waist and her arms wrap around my neck I pull her closer to me. her lips are soft against my neck.

Ask her I should ask her. The scene is perfect and I’m ninety percent she’d say yes because she would have said it’s not the right time for her if it was about her not being ready. I’ve made her think I’m not ready. I’m not asking her just because Grey asked Juvia.

I look down at the top of Lucy’s head, I want to say it. I want to ask her but my mouth won’t form the words.

“I love you.” It’s all I can get out. I don’t and have never had a problem telling LucyI love her. It was the most terrifying and then exciting thing I’ve ever experienced when the words just fell out and then Lucy said them back and she smiled and I don’t know why asking her is so hard.

“I love you too.” Lucy whispers back, her arms tighten around my neck.

=================================================================================

Dear Diary,

Eh, still not right. I don’t know who is going to read this though. Juvia maybe? Mom isn’t really a reader and Owen and I haven’t been close in over a year now. Either way, I need to tell someone something how AMAZING this guy is.

We went to the park today, he pushed me on the swings and then I pushed him because GENDER EQUAILTY and then we had a bet on who could go higher. I won and he was okay with it. He didn’t make any excuses, he even gave me a prize, a piggy back ride around the park.

Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter in just a bit.  
> 35 chapters and looking to have it finished by the end of January so... here we go.


	13. Lucy's Mom

I hear Lucy’s music just the same as any morning but I don’t hear her feet on the floor and she’s not singing. I peel my eyes open but she’s not in the room either. I slip out of bed and throw a t-shirt on and head out to the kitchen.   
I find Lucy sitting at the table, a cup of tea in front of her, the steam wafting upward.   
“Lucy?” My throat a little hoarse from sleep. She doesn’t react, her eyes are big and   
she’s chewing on her lip the way she does when she’s nervous. I love the way she does that.   
“Lucy,” I say again, it’s weird she’s not sitting at her window seat, or dancing around the house or smiling, she always smiles.   
“Lucy.” I say once more. Finally, she snaps out of her thoughts, her eyes still wide from being lost.   
“Huh?”  
“What’s wrong?” I ask her. She turns her wide eyes on me, she spaces out when she’s nervous. I love how spacey she is.   
“I just… well…” she sighs and she looks at the window, the rising sun setting filling the sky with shades of pink and purple.   
“Just tell me.” I offer her a smile. She nods and she starts chewing on her bottom lip again.  
“My mom wants to meet you.” She says.  
“Is that all?” I laugh “parents love me.”   
“My mom is a little…” Lucy struggles to find a word which means she’s trying to find a nicer word. “crazy.” She exhales a long breath “she can be a bit much to handle.”  
“She made you.” I say, “she’s can’t be that bad.” Her features soften and she smiles at me but there’s still tension. Probably because she hasn’t seen her mom in about two years.   
“It’s going to be fine.” I promise pulling a chain up beside her. She doesn’t look convinced, so I wrap my arm over her shoulders, she leans into me and she fits so perfectly against me. I love how perfectly she fits against me.   
“It is going to be okay.” I kiss the top of her head and rub her arm.   
“When’s the dinner?” I ask. She takes a drink of tea and sets the cup down before interlacing her fingers and turning toward me.  
“Well…” She reaches up and pecks me on the lips. I cup her cheek in my hand to hold her there.   
“Well…” I prompt her.   
“tomorrow night.” She pecks me again before grabbing her tea and taking a long sip.  
“Tonight?” I ask her. She nods, her cups still on her lips.  
“I work tonight.” I say. she nods again.   
“is there any way we can do it tomorrow?” I ask, I don’t want to make a bad first impression but I can’t miss work either, not if I’m ever going to afford a ring for Lucy.   
“My mom isn’t the kind of person you bargain with.” She says carefully, always trying to find the nice way to say things.   
“Okay,” I sigh “it’s fine, I got this, I’ll swap shifts with… Clyde, he won’t mind or Lisana , one of them will swap with me.”  
“Are you sure?” Lucy rests her hand on my chest.   
“yeah, it’s fine, Clyde owes me a favor anyway.” I pat her shoulder “Friday is one of the best shifts to work, whoever switches is really the one getting the better deal.”  
“Are you sure?” she asks again. I squeeze her and nod “of course, it’s going to be great, I can finally meet your mom, my family is already in love with you, I’m sure you’re mom will love me just like she loves you.”  
Lucy’s eyes betray her anxiety. “I don’t think you want her to love you like she loves me.” Lucy’s voice is so quiet I don’t think she meant for me to hear. She takes another drink of tea, her brown lipstick doesn’t leave an imprint on the cup this morning.   
“You’re already dressed and got your make-up done.” I sigh and shake my head, that does it. Lucy breaks out her smile.  
“Sun’s up… so I’m up.” She cuddles next to me and drinks her tea. I really want a cup of coffee but I don’t want to disturb her. I can hold out a bit longer.   
Lucy doesn’t move for a while, she just huddles against my side and watches the morning while she enjoys her tea. As the sun climbs higher, I can almost feel Juvia’s morning call closing in. I don’t know exactly what time she calls but I know she calls around this time. I’m not even waiting for the call but I’ve fallen into the habit of waiting for the call. A familiar tune (another I can’t name but know I’ve heard) comes from the bed room.  
“That’ll be Juvia.” Lucy’s got an especially big smile on her face as she hops up and hurries down the hall to our room. I take the opportunity to make a cup of coffee.  
Lucy giggles on the phone with Juvia as she pads around the house, tea in hand, her hair falling in beautiful waves down her back and her lips a toned-down shade similar to my coffee when it has just the right amount of creamer. I lean against the counter and watch her laugh and smile, her eyes widen, her suggestions for colors and half sentences Lucy finished for Juvia or Juvia finished for Lucy. Lucy’s always got her eyes on things, always got things going on in her mind. I don’t understand how her minds works. She’s always thinking and planning and dreaming and appreciating the things right in front of her all at the same time.   
“Yes!” Lucy’s voice squeaks a pitch higher in her excitement. “Oh my goodness, yes that’ll look so good… do you want me in a long dress or a short dress?” Lucy waits for Juvia’s answer while I take a drink.  
“Either or?” Lucy says, her eyes taking on a serious edge “got it, it’s just got to be the right shade.” Lucy nods, takes a drink and nods again. “yep, got it.” Takes a drink, nods some more. “Yeah no, I’m free until three today.” Lucy says, “yeah, I can totally get measured for my dress today, where at?” she nods and I drink with her this time.   
“Oh, that’s that little shop right next to our coffee shop.” Lucy nods and drinks again. She hesitates with her cup to her lips and looks into an empty cup. I stifle a laugh when she gives the empty cup a slight frown.   
“Here.” I hold my hand out for her cup. She smiles and mouths a thank you as she hands it to me.   
“You’re welcome.” I put her kettle back on the stove and heat the remaining water in it. Lucy goes back to walking back and forth between the kitchen and the living room, now using her free hand to emphasis her words.   
“Yes, you need a tiara.” Lucy giggles and throws herself back onto the couch. I grab one of her butterscotch teas from her tea drawers and set it into her Paris cup. It’s got a few rings on the inside of it. She just rinses it out, since she doesn’t put any sugar or milk in it.   
“Navy blue and gold would be so gorgeous.” Lucy plays with her hair as she drapes herself over the arm of the couch. “Yeah, yeah, right.” Her laugh fills the room, I stop what I’m doing just to enjoy it for a moment.   
The kettle whistles and I pour the water over the bag. The water almost instantly turns a deep butterscotch kind of orange.   
“Yeah, I’ll meet you at the store. No, Natsu isn’t busy today, no work tonight, he switched… I’ll tell you when I see you.” Lucy’s gives a poorly disguised nervous laugh “okay, I’ll see you soon, love you, bye.” Lucy drops her head over the back of the couch, she turns around, kneeling on the couch.  
“Oh, thank you.” Lucy takes the cup in her hand and holds it under her nose. She closes her eyes and basks in the warmth and the smell for a moment.  
“Everything is going to be fine tonight.” I assure her. She keeps her eyes closed as she takes the first drink and for a few more seconds after. Finally, she breathes a sigh and opens her eyes.  
“Promise?” She asks. I nod and trail my fingers along her jawline. “I promise.”   
“Okay.” She leans over the back of the couch. “I believe you.”   
“Now where are you going with Juvia?” I take a seat beside her on the couch with my coffee.   
“I need to get measured for my bridesmaid dress.” She says.   
“How long is that gonna take?” I ask.  
“Not long, but we’re gonna stop and have a bagel too, so I’ll be back before three.” She takes a sip of her tea.   
“What time are we going to your moms?” He asks.   
“She said to be there at eight.” Lucy arches her back until it pops.  
“Eight?” I ask, “Kind of late for a dinner isn’t it?”  
“My family is… they’ve always been night owls.” She traces her finger around the rim of the mug.   
“You are too.” I say “well… actually, you’re both a night owl and an early bird.” I nudge her with my shoulder. “You’ve never told me why you like getting up so early and staying up late, why you never sleep.”   
Lucy shrugs her shoulders slightly.  
“Does it have to do with your family?” I ask.  
Lucy shrugs again “I just… never liked to sleep.” She takes a drink. “I never wanted to miss anything.” She doesn’t say it with her usual wide curious eyes, or the hint of mischief in the corner of her smile.   
“Something else to it?” I ask her. Her chest fills with air and she looks up to me and offers a half-hearted smile. “nothing I want to talk about.” She drops her head back to her tea. I watch her for a second. This isn’t right, Lucy looks… wilted, like she’s got something to heavy inside her and she’s getting too tired to hold it up anymore.   
“Lucy.” I pull her into my arms, my completely average sized arms, I keep my casted arm on her back and lift her chin with my good arm. “Don’t you trust me?” I’m not trying to guilt trip her but I need to know.  
“I trust you.” She says, her eyes conveying her honesty “I just didn’t want you to know everything, I wanted you to know the person I am now.”   
“You can trust me with everything, you know?” I hope she knows. She nods but there’s something heavy about that too and I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s something else.   
Lucy recovers, plastering a poor imitation of her smile on after she finishes her second cup of tea. She pecks me on the mouth and grabs her bag.  
“I’d better go meet up with Juvia, I’ll see you in a bit.” She bounces out of the house with barely a third of her usual enthusiasm. I watch her hurry down the street, her curls trailing after her as her head bobs with each stride. My phone dings just as she disappears from my view. I take a seat back on the couch and open my laptop. The email pops out from the side of my screen and it’s from Bort’s Literary agency. 

Dear Mr. Dragneel, we would like if you could send us a complete copy of your manuscript for further consideration. Please send it in reply to this email as a .doc attachment.  
Thank you for considering us.

-Mr. Hensley

“Yes!” I hit the reply button immediately and attached the entire copy of my manuscript to the email. I types a quick thank you and sent it off.   
“Yes, yes, yes!” I pump my fist in the air and jump to my feet. “yes, so much closer, they liked the beginning they’ll like the rest too.” I let myself feel the excitement. That last rejection was my fifty-seventh rejection.   
“What are we celebrating?” Grey’s voice pulls me back to reality.   
“What are you doing here?” I ask. He shrugs “our girlfriends seem to think that if they leave us alone they need to set us up on a play date.” Grey opens my fridge. “do you guys drink anything but coffee, tea and lemon water?” He sighs closing the door.  
“She also makes cucumber water.” I’m only half joking. Other than that we just can’t afford to fill our house with sodas, Lucy doesn’t really drink soda and her habits rubbed off on me without a word.   
“Cause that’s better.” Grey groans and snags a loan Kool-Aid packet from the cabinet. “Yes!” he grabs a pitcher from the cabinet and stick it in the sink.  
“So, what were you celebrating?” Grey pours the Kool-Aid packet in the pitcher.   
“Agent requested my complete manuscript.” I’m trying to contain myself but this is the closest thing to a yes as I’ve ever gotten.  
“Awesome man.” Grey bobs his head and stirs the Kool-Aid. “you’re getting there, soon you’ll be some big-time writer and be buying us all lunch.”   
“Right.” I scoff “I don’t need to make it on the best seller’s list but I’d like to be able to make a living off my books at some point.”   
“You’ll get there man, this is just a stepping stone.” Grey grabs the bag of sugar jar and pours a heap into the pitcher.  
“Yeah, hopefully this is the first step in the right direction.” I sit back down with my coffee and laptop. I open my most recent story and stare at the screen for a few minutes but nothing comes, I don’t even want to write this right now because I can’t think of a single thing to write for it. I tap at the ‘I’ key repeatedly and wait for inspiration to strike but nothing. Not even one little sentence, not even an idea for a future scene.   
“Lucy’s mom wants to meet me.” I say. Grey freezes from his Netflix skimming.   
“her mom?” He asks, “the one she hasn’t spoken to in years?”  
“Yeah.” I nod  
“The one that called a daughter who she hasn’t spoken to in two years… drunk.” Grey cocks his brow, his arm still pointing the remote towards the TV.   
“Yeah,” I nod again  
“I’m sure you guys’ll have a great dinner.” Grey half laughs but I don’t think even he thinks anything about this is funny.  
“I don’t know anything about the woman.” I shake my head “I need something so I can impress her.” I continue to tap the ‘I’ key.   
“I don’t think Lucy is weighting the future of your guy’s relationship on this dinner.” Grey clicks through all of Lucy’s saved movies and shows. Everything from heavy sci-fi like CARBON ALTERED to every Barbie movie available on Netflix.   
“Lucy still loves her mom.” I sigh “I don’t know what falling out they had but Lucy isn’t this affected by something that’s not important to her.”   
“Yeah.” Grey set the remote down, giving up on finding anything to watch right now. “but still, I think this is so she can see if her mom’s changed or done something to fix what made a girl like Lucy run away and ignore her mom for two years, She just isn’t the kind of girl to leave someone.”   
“I know.” I agree “That’s what’s so weird.” I erase the rest of the I’s and close the document. “she’s got to be pretty bad if Lucy left her, Lucy is the nicest person I’ve ever met, she never gets angry” I grab my laptop to tuck it away in the coffee table.   
“Dude, I know what you mean.” Grey sits up “she’s the kind of person that makes averagely nice people look like scum.”  
“Right.” I exclaim “so what did her mom do that was so bad that she didn’t just move out, Lucy stopped talking to her.”   
“Yeah.” Grey nods “but she kept the same number.”   
I look up at Grey “she did” I agree. “she wanted her mom to still be able to get ahold of her.”   
“It doesn’t matter what her mom did to her, Lucy still loves her and despite everything, she’s hoping to reconnect with her mom tonight.” I drop my head into my hands “that even worse!”   
“Chill.” Grey smacks my shoulder “Lucy loves you, her mom is… icing, you are her main course.”  
“What?” I laugh but it’s not funny.  
“If things work out the way Lucy hopes with her mom then it’s icing, it’s not an expectation but it’s an extra sweetness she’d love.” Grey explains “but if it doesn’t, she still has you.”   
I watch Grey for a second “I’m gonna use that in a story.” I tell him.  
“I get credit.” Grey stands “now come on, let’s man you up.”  
“How?” I stand anyway.   
“Gym, duh.” Grey grabs his jacket from the arm of the chair.  
“Lucy’s not gonna like that.” I warn him “I don’t get this cast off for another two weeks.”   
“Then don’t tell her.” Grey says simply.   
“You know I can’t lie to her.” I grab my coat from beside the door.   
“Just don’t bring it up.” Grey opens the door and motions me out.   
“But she’s gonna ask me what we did today.” I step out.  
“Just say we hung out.” Grey closes the door behind us.   
I stop and turn to stare at him. “I don’t know if you forgot this but Lucy is a detail oriented person.”   
“She does like all the little details.” Grey sighs and clasps my shoulder. “Sucks for you.”   
“Thanks.” I shake my head. still, a little confidence boost can’t hurt.  
============================================================================================

Dear God?,  
I guess that works. I believe there’s a God. I guess if I was actually talking to God though, I’d ask him why he made me a time bomb and then gave me Natsu. I mean COME ON!!! WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT???  
Why would you do that to me and Natsu. I think he feels the same thing I do.  
I hope he does.  
No wait, I don’t. It won’t be so bad when I leave.   
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> We're just gonna call this a marathon. i think one or two more chapters tonight and another multi post marathon tomorrow as well. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, thanks for everyone who gave me a chance.


	14. Meeting Mom

Lucy looks beautiful, as usual. She’s got her little black dress with the thin brown belt and her big yellow sweater and some of her favorite pair of brown boots that go all the way to her knees. She has a pair of crystal earrings in that I gave her on our fourth date. Any other time I would think that’s too soon for a gift but I just saw them and I had to get them for her.   
“What are you staring at?” She asks, she’s got the brown almost red looking lipstick on. Her lips turn upward exposing her teeth.   
“You.” I admit just now noticing that I had been staring at her this whole time.   
“You think this is appropriate… considering.” She slips her small brown messenger bag over her head and grips the strap.   
“It’s perfect.” I walk over to her pull her into my arms, “tonight is going to be fine.” I kiss the top of her head and she presses her head into my chest.   
“Promise you’ll be there.” Her voice shakes, her hands crumple my shirt.   
“I will always be there.” I promise her, I just hold her. She doesn’t want me to make a million promises or declare some grand gesture. Lucy is simple, she just wants this one promise. We stand there for a few more minutes, I let her pull away first.   
“Okay.” She nods and smiles a smile that’s not quite her smile. “Let’s go.”   
“Let’s go.” I take Lucy’s hand and lead her out the door. 

Lucy tugs on her dress and her jacket and adjusts her purse strap as we walk towards the three steps that lead to Lucy’s mom’s house. There’s nothing on the door, Lucy puts up a new wreath type thing for every season on our door. There are no plants, the blinds in the windows are just blinds. It doesn’t look like a place Lucy would live in. I suppose if Lucy and her mom were alike Lucy wouldn’t have left her.   
“This is going to be good.” Lucy smiles up at me, the streetlights catch her eyes making it look like she’s got stars in them.   
“Yeah.” I squeeze her hand reassuringly. Lucy climbs the stairs steadily, her dress swaying around her knees.   
“Yeah.” She whispers nodding as she stands there staring at the door. “it’s gonna be good.” She whispers it like a wish or a prayer. Something you say to reassure yourself or a hope you’re too afraid to say to anyone so you say it to yourself. I squeeze Lucy’s hand again.  
“This is going to be good.” I say to her, pressing a kiss to her temple. She nods but she’s chewing on her lip, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so nervous. She raises her hand to knock but she hesitates, her fist hovering over the door, her breath a little faster, a little deeper.   
“It’s okay.” I whisper to her. She nods and her knuckles strike the door. she’s not a loud knocker, she’s never been but there was so much tension behind it I guess I was expecting a bigger sound.   
“Here,” I rest my hand over hers’ “let me.”   
She nods, her eyes glued to the door but she lets her hand drop. I knock a little louder but still quitter than I would usually knock, I don’t want to start the night off bad because I knocked too loud.   
Lucy squeezes her purse strap with both her hands, shifting from foot to foot. She bounces a little, chewing her lip. I raise my hand to knock again, the door falls open just before I knock.  
The woman standing in the door is dressed differently than Lucy, she’s got a big necklace on and big hoops, her lips are this really in-your-face-red and her hair is pulled up into a tight ponytail. She’s got this form fitting elegant kind of dress and tiny heels. Lucy loves her heels but they’re all thicker. Lucy dresses much more casually but despite all the differences, they still have the same lips, the same eyes, even the slam of her shoulder and shape of her face. It’s easy to see the relation between them.   
“Lucy!” The woman, Lucy’s mom exclaims wrapping her arms around her daughter. Lucy freezes, her eyes are wide and she looks like she can’t believe what’s happening.   
“Lucy, I missed you so much.” The woman squeezed Lucy and finally Lucy’s arms wrapped around her mother and she squeezed her arms the first tear rolled down her cheek.   
“I missed you too.” Lucy whispered.   
Maybe this won’t be so bad   
“Come in, come in.” The woman ushers us in. I feel way under dressed next to her.  
“Hi, hello.” The woman grabs my hand. “I’m Lucy’s mom, Charlotte Culpepper.”  
“It’s great to finally meet you Mrs. Culpepper.” I smile and stand up straight “I’m Natsu, Lucy’s boyfriend.”   
“What an unusual name.” Mrs. Culpepper notes without batting an eye, I give a slight shrug “My grandma picked it out, its my great grandfather’s name.” I offer her a smile and let go of her hand.   
“Natsu.” She repeats, “that’s a nice name.” Mrs. Culpepper turns back to her daughter with a big smile and Lucy beams up at her mom.   
“Let’s go get some food and drinks, yes?” her mom turns, Lucy seems to freeze again, her eyes tighten as if she just remembered she forgot the stove on. She didn’t, I checked before we left.   
“You okay?” I whisper to her as I pass by her. she nods but she’s not, she’s probably just nervous. When she gets too anxious she can gets tired faster. Although, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this.   
“Hurry, the food will get cold.” Mrs. Culpepper calls to us. I guide Lucy into the kitchen where there’s three plates already set out. There’s a bottle of red wine sitting in the center of the table with wine glasses already around the table, the one at the head of the table is already filled.   
“It’s dark chocolate red wine.” Mrs. Culpepper smiles almost hopefully at Lucy.  
“Oh, Lucy doesn’t drink.” I say without thinking. Lucy offers a forced smile to me but something just changed.   
“She’ll drink this.” Mrs. Culpepper says dismissively. Lucy doesn’t agree or disagree. Lucy is great at talker, she likes conversation. I thought a mother she hadn’t seen in two years would warrant a conversation. She barely goes a week or two without seeing Juvia and those two talk as if they hadn’t said a word to each other in years. But, with Mrs. Culpepper it’s like she can’t find a word to say.   
“This looks great.” I take Lucy’s hand and lead her to the table, we sit side by side although I let her sit beside her mom.  
“Got yourself one with manners.” Mrs. Culpepper winks at me. “Thank you, Natsu.” Mrs. Culpepper takes a seat at the head of the table to Lucy’s right, I keep hold of her hand under the table to her left. Lucy wraps her fingers around my hand and squeezes.  
“It looks great.” Lucy mimics me trying to hold a smile but I can see the tension in her eyes, they’re tight.   
“Yes, Lucy.” Mrs. Culpepper takes a drink from her glass. “Natsu already said that.” She laughs it off but something about it isn’t funny.   
“Have a glass.” Mrs. Culpepper fills Lucy’s glass to the brim, Lucy doesn’t object but I’ve never seen her drink more than a sip or two and usually from Juvia’s cup, rarely ever from her own.  
“You too.” Mrs. Culpepper fills my glass and tops off her own. Lucy shifts and squeezes my hand, I don’t think I’m going to get my hand back before this whole thing is finished.   
“Tell me about yourself.” Mrs. Culpepper looks at me.   
“Oh, me, huh…” great start, Natsu  
“He’s a writer.” Lucy says for me “he’s working on getting a book published right now actually.” Lucy smiles at that, like she’s really proud of me even though I haven’t actually published it yet.   
“Oh really.” Mrs. Culpepper exclaims taking another sip of her wine.   
“Yeah, I’m sending the query and sample pages out to agents now.” I take a sip of my own glass “Hopefully I’ll get a reply soon.” I don’t know what to say to her, she’s not easy to talk to like Lucy, Lucy doesn’t even seem like she wants to be here anymore.   
“Hopefully.” Mrs. Culpepper agreed nodding her head and taking another drink.  
“This looks so good, mom, thank you.” Lucy’s voice is tight but Mrs. Culpepper doesn’t even seem to notice as she smiles at Lucy.  
“I always could cook a good dinner, couldn’t I.” Mrs. Culpepper slaps Lucy’s elbow a little harder than I expect, Lucy winces but doesn’t complain.  
“Yeah.” Lucy agrees in a half whisper.   
“Eat up, then.” Mrs. Culpepper waves her arms out. Lucy grabs her fork and knife and cuts into her meet. She’s not a vegetarian but she also doesn’t eat a lot of meat. She cuts into the chicken awkwardly. I want to offer to do it for her, I do at home but I feel like she doesn’t want me to this time.   
“Since when did you start using utensils?” Mrs. Culpepper sips her wine and watches her daughter with hawk eyes. It seems like a stupid question. Lucy shrugs and slides her eyes toward the wine glass in her mother’s hand. I can’t help but think of the my first conversation with Mrs. Hayes.  
“Not gonna talk to me?” Mrs. Culpepper asks.  
“I just…” Lucy struggles to get the words out. “Just don’t know, it just happened.” Lucy continues cutting her chicken into strips.  
“Any other big changes I should know about?” Mrs. Culpepper asks. Lucy shrugs again.   
“We’ve been dating for two years.” I throw in to get some attention off of Lucy.   
“Have you proposed yet? She asks.  
“Well I…” I don’t know how to answer that.  
“We’ve talked about it.” Lucy says finally meeting her mom’s eyes but her smile is all but gone.  
“You’ve talked about it?” Mrs. Culpepper shakes her head “he didn’t just ask you?”   
“We have friends that are getting married and we want to let them have their moment and then when their thing calms down we’ll revisit the topic.” Lucy says sounding way too heavy for her.   
“You’ve just talked about getting married?” Mrs. Culpepper laughs at it “how stupid.” She takes another swig.  
“It’s not stupid.” Lucy says, “he cares about my feelings.”   
“Then he should already know the answer,” Mrs. Culpepper shoots back “after two years, either get married or move on.”   
“Marriage isn’t that simple.” Lucy says, her voice is too rough, her body too rigid.  
“Yes, it is.” Mrs. Culpepper says, “if he can’t figure out whether you want to marry him or not after two years then maybe he’s just not the one for you.”   
My heart drops into my stomach, the very thing I was worried about. She’s trying to convince Lucy not to marry me, I knew it.   
“Mrs. Culpepper —”  
“I am talking to my daughter.” Mrs. Culpepper barks at me.   
“Mom.” Lucy snaps at her. “you can’t just talk to someone I love like that.”  
“Love!” Mrs. Culpepper laughs “what do two twenty some year olds know about love?” she asks.  
“Love isn’t something you know.” Lucy says, her voice softening “it’s something you feel.”   
“Oh shut the F— up with that.” Mrs. Culpepper is so harsh compared to Lucy, well, everyone is harsh compared to Lucy but I‘m having trouble believing this is Lucy’s mother. If it weren’t for how much they looked alike I’d never believe it.   
“You always have been a stuck up little B—” It seems like some kind of switch had been flipped inside of Mrs. Hayes. One second she was thrilled to see her daughter the next she this. How can someone talk to their own child like that?  
Lucy sat in silence I just couldn’t find the words. Lucy chewed on her bottom lip and pushed the food around on her plate.   
“How, so now you’re just not gonna speak, huh.” Mrs. Culpepper scoffed at Lucy. Lucy isn’t not speaking because she doesn’t want to, she isn’t speaking because she doesn’t want to cry.   
“Lucy…” I rest my hand on her shoulder.   
“Don’t baby her.” Mrs. Culpepper barks at me.  
“I’m not, she’s upset.” I snap back, probably not something I should do to my girlfriend’s mom but I think this is an exception.   
“Well, Lucy,” Mrs. Culpepper takes another swig “are you going to talk to me or not?” Lucy’a mouth twitches, she’s trying to speak, she can never seem to form words when she’s upset.   
“Well fine,” Mrs. Culpepper yells “be that way.” She takes the last drink and refills her glass.   
“You already left your family behind, clearly you didn’t care about me then, why should you care now.”  
“I did care.” Lucy forced the words out, a tear slipping down her cheek. “I cared so much it hurt.” Lucy’s lips quivered. “I care so much I let you walk all over me and hurt me and treat me like I didn’t Matter.” Lucy hiccups on a sob.   
“You lying little B— you never cared about me” Mrs. Culpepper yells at her “you left the second you go the chance.”  
“You think that was my first chance?” Lucy demands not nearly as forceful as Mrs. Hayes but very much out of character for Lucy.   
“That was my last chance.” Lucy sniffles, tears spilling in a steady stream down her face, her eyes are already puffy.   
“You were being hurtful to me, I couldn’t do it anymore.” Lucy was about to burst into a full on episode.   
“It hurt so much to leave you but no one here was looking out for me, so, finally I had to.” Lucy’s guilt is evident in her face. I don’t know what to say or do or if I should even do anything. Maybe this is something they need to do? Still, I’d never heard anyone curse at Lucy before. Lucy is nice and sweet and gentle and…Lucy, who would want to yell at her?  
“No!” Mrs. Culpepper yells, “you left because you’re selfish.” Lucy visibly flinched at the word, as if she could ever be called selfish. The nerve this woman has. Lucy’s mom or not, I found myself pushing away from the table.  
“Now wait just a second.” My voice came out harsher than I intended. “Lucy is not selfish.”  
“Oh yeah.” Mrs. Culpepper scoffs at me “what else do you call someone who abandons their family.”  
“If she abandoned you she had a reason to.” I shot back, why is it so hot in here?   
“You think there’s ever a reason to abandon your family?” Mrs. Culpepper barks at me. This is not the same woman that just greeted us at the door.   
“If this is the way you were treating her, then yes.”   
“Natsu,” Lucy’s voice is small, It hurts to hear it like that. This isn’t Lucy and this can’t be her mom. This has got to be some kind of test. Lucy wanted to see if I would protect her.   
“Then you’re as stupid and selfish as she is.” Mrs. Culpepper pushes away from the table and throws her win in Lucy’s face. Lucy doesn’t even flinch. She just sits there with her head down, her fingers fidgeting with her purse strap.   
“What the hell is wrong with you!” I yell at Mrs. Culpepper. “she’s your daughter.”  
“Well at least someone remembers that!” Mrs. Culpepper throws her hands up. Lucy’s chest expands and, slowly, she stands.   
“It was nice to see you, mom.” Lucy nods toward her mom and grabs my hand, she squeezes it so tight its already starting to lose feeling.   
“Oh no, you’re not leaving again.” Mrs. Culpepper rounds the table as Lucynudges me forward.   
“You can’t just leave.” Mrs. Culpepper grabs my shirt and pushes me back.  
“Mom!” Lucy exclaimed trying to catch me, she must trip over something because she yanks me to the floor with her. Lucy scrambled back to her feet.   
“I’m leaving, I’m not doing this again.” I can hear the tears in her voice. I never wanted to know what Lucy’s voice sounded like when her heart shattered.   
“No, you’re not.” Mrs. Culpepper stands there in her skinny heels, one hand on the table the other on her hip. Lucy could push her over without an issue but Lucy hates confrontation, she hates fighting. I hate that I don’t know how to stop this. I don’t know how to protect her form this. I climb to my feet, at least to put myself between them but Lucy shoulder’s me behind her.  
“Lucy, let’s go.” I try to pull her back but she just stands there, wine dripping of her face, staining her favorite yellow sweater, her hands gripping the strap of her purse. Her knees trembled and her bottom lip quivers but she stands there, protecting me.   
“Move.” She says firmly, her voice not betraying the same fear and anxiety the rest of her body is screaming “or I’m going to call the police.” Lucy’s phone is in her hand, her thumb hovering over the emergency call button.   
“Trying to put me in jail again?” Mrs. Culpepper looked so much like Lucy when I first saw her. I can’t see it now. Her features are too sharp, her eyes too dark, her lips shaped into a snarl like scowl. Even angry, Lucy is soft. Like something that would bend to the shape of a breeze.   
“Fine.” Mrs. Culpepper goes back to her seat at the table and takes Lucy’s cup. She holds it out to Lucy“since you made me waste mine.”   
“You threw it at her?” I can’t even process this woman’s logic but she doesn’t even look at me. Lucy turns to her mother, her hand still on her phone.   
“I hope you can get the help you need, mom.” Lucy tucks her phone back into her bag an takes my hand.   
“F— you, Lucy.” Mrs. Culpepper words feel like a knife thrust into my chest, I can’t imagine what it feels like to Lucy. Lucy’s eyes are closed and she nods.  
“I love you… mom.” Lucy pulls me out, something shatters just as we round the corner to the door.   
“Lucy…” I give her hand a squeeze but she doesn’t even acknowledge it. She just pushes the door open, she hesitates at the door. She brushes her fingers over the frame, her eyes fill with fresh tears and she walks out.   
Lucy drops my hand once we’ve made it down the steps and wraps her arms around herself. Her shoulders shake with her silent tears. She’s trying so hard to be strong.   
“Lucy.” I have to jog to keep up with her. I know what she wants, she wants a hot bath and a cup of tea and her happiness playlist.   
“I’m okay.” Lucy’s voice is a broken whimper.   
“Lucy.” I step in front of her and take her in my arms. “No, you’re not.” I squeeze her, he hugs her arms to her chest and nods her head into my chest.  
“Yes I am.” Her voice hitches and she keeps nodding but I can feel her shaking. I tuck her head under my chin.  
“No you’re not.” I keep my arms locked around her but she’s not trying to pull away.  
“Yes—” she hiccups on a sob “I am.” She’s not even saying it for me. She’s trying to convince herself.   
“It’s okay.” I tell her “you don’t have to be okay.” I smooth her hair back and press a kiss to the top of her head.   
“No.” she says “I’m—I’m—I’m…” she hiccups and I feel it in her body and I hear it in her voice.  
“I’m not okay, Natsu.” She wails, she really wails. She lets go of herself and wraps her arms around me. She squeezes me harder than she’s ever squeezed me before.   
“I’m sorry, Natsu.” She cries “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She presses her face into my chest until it hurt.   
“What are you sorry for?” I ask stroking her hair and trying to hold her together.   
“I didn’t want you to meet her.” She chokes out a sob “I didn’t want you to see me like that, I’m not like that anymore.” She cries harder and her nails dig into my back.  
“Like what?” I shake my head “I didn’t want to threaten my own mom.” Another fit of tears swallows her.   
“I didn’t—I didn’t want to leave her.” She cries harder “I didn’t mean to, I just couldn’t do it anymore, I—I—they—she…” She couldn’t finish her sentence. I can’t fix this, or her, or change anything. So, I do the one thing I can do, I just hold onto her.   
“I want to help her.” Lucy cries “but she wouldn’t let me “they wouldn’t let me help them and now—and now…” Lucy trails off into another fit of tears.  
“You are the sweetest, nicest, most loving and sincere person I have ever met.” I tell her as she cries into my shirt. “Even the way you handled your mom was amazing.”   
“I yelled at her.” Lucy cries “I threaten to call the police on her.”   
“You yelled, so what.” I shake my head “and she didn’t give you much choice, she wanted you to stay but all she was doing was yelling at you, she threw her wine on you, Lucy.” Cradled her head in my hand “you can’t think that you did anything wrong.” I pull back the slightest bit, but she just hides her face in my chest.  
“I left her.” she whimpers “I abandoned her.”   
“She left you first.” I tell her.  
“How can you even say that?” Lucy finally pulls back but she looks upset at me now. “you weren’t even there.”  
“I know you Lucy.” I tell her firmly “I know a person doesn’t have to physically leave you to not be there.” I take her arms in my hands “I know she hadn’t seen you in two years and she called drunk and when you agreed to come back she was drunk again.” I hold her gaze.  
“I don’t need to know anything about her or what happened, I know you.” It tell her “I know the kind of person you are and I know you would abandon anyone who was willing to accept your help.”   
“She’s my mom.” Lucy’s eyes have never looked so pained before.   
“And you are her daughter.” I say, “and she treated you like garbage.”   
Lucy broke all over again, she sank to the ground right there in the middle of the street. I sat on the ground with her and I held her right there.   
“I will never leave you, Lucy.” I squeeze her together, keeping all of the little pieces of her together. Lucy is so strong, I love her strength.  
=========================================================================================

Dear,  
He said it, he said it FIRST. He said I love you. I didn’t want to scare him off and say it too soon but he said it first. I love him so much, I never thought one person could feel this much joy at one time but I do. I am so happy right now. I feel like I could fly  
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright.... one more chapter


	15. Honesty and Recovery

Lucy drinks her tea and nibbles on the chocolate chip cookie I picked up from her favorite bakery down the street. She slept all night, after three cups of that tea she drinks when she needs help sleeping. I watched her sleep, I couldn’t sleep. I still can’t believe Lucy’s mom. How do you treat someone like Lucy, like that.   
“Whatcha, thinking about?” I ask Lucy, my hands wrapped around my own cup. Lucy offers a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes and shrugs “I just…” she trails off and looks down at her tea. “Just not used to it anymore.” She finally gets out.   
“Used to it?” I prompt, trying not to make her feel bad because of her mom.   
She nods “My mom has had a problem with drinking for a longtime, as long as I can remember.” Lucy sips her tea. “She used to go through good and bad spells but… it got to a point where she was just always drunk and then she was buying pills and not taking her medication and she never really got better.” Lucy shakes her head “she stopped even wanting my help, she just promised me what I wanted to hear when I told her I was going to leave.” Lucy takes another drink of her tea and barely even nibbles her cookie.   
“I knew you wouldn’t just leave someone.” I tell her. Lucy closes her eyes as if she were in physical pain.   
“But that’s what I did.” Her bottom lip quivers.  
“Lucy, no...” I exchange my seat across the table from her for the one beside her. I rest my hand on her arm, just below her elbow. She takes in a quivering breath, trying to keep from crying.   
“It is, though, I left her.” Lucy takes a sip of her tea. “I chose my own health over my own mother, what kind of person does that?” Lucy’s face morphs into something like disgust. It’s not an expression I’m used to seeing on her.  
“She didn’t give you a choice, she didn’t want to change and you can’t just let someone treat you like that.” I watch her face for any signs that I convinced her.   
“You wouldn’t stay with me if I treated you that way.” I try again.   
“I suppose not.” Lucy doesn’t look too sure about it.   
“Lucy, I need you to tell me, right now, that you wouldn’t stay with me if I treated you badly.” I pull her chair toward me and she avoids my eyes.   
“Lucy.” I repeat.  
“No, I wouldn’t be with you.” Lucy finally meets my eyes but hers are filled with hurt, as if the thought alone was enough to make her cry.   
“Sometimes, you have to make hard decisions because someone else won’t make good decisions for themselves.” I take her hands in my own. She just shrugs. I want to make her happy but I’ve never seen her so sad before. I sigh and let her hands go.  
“Where are you going?” Her voice is worried.   
“Just give me one second.” I kiss her forehead and go to grab my laptop from the coffee table. I log in and go straight to the playlist I made for her as a random gift. I hit play and turn around to watch her face as the whistling starts.   
“You know I can’t smile, without you…” I start to sing it, not great but that’s what’s great about Lucy, she thinks something is even better if you do it for her and you’re not good at it.   
“Can’t smile without you…”   
Lucy’s lips morph into the tiniest of smiles. I walk closer to her “I can’t laugh and I can’t sing… I’m finding it hard to do anything!” I guide her out of her chair, fitting my hands onto her waist. She wraps her arms around my neck and I look into her eyes, her smile grows.  
“you see I feel sad when you’re sad.” I dip her back and she explodes into a fit of giggles. “I feel glad when you’re glad.” I spin her in out tiny area between the kitchen and the living room.  
“If you only knew, what I’m going through.” I pull her in close, holding her against my chest, she sinks into me, her head against my heart, her hands around my neck.   
“I just can’t smile without you” I speak the words more than I sing them. I hum the rest of the lyrics as the songs plays on because I’m not good at remembering lyrics. Lucy and I sway back and forth together, locked in each other’s arms. It’s not about dancing right now.   
Lucy doesn’t speak, I just listen to her feet on the floor and feel her breath against me. I don’t know if she wants to talk, I think this is what she wants because if she wanted to speak she would speak.   
“I’m hungry.” Lucy finally says after the fifth song. I didn’t mind a single second of it.   
“I can make you some zucchini and squash.” I tell her, she stifles a laugh. “I’ll cook some zucchini and squash and you can put on my cooking playlist.” She tiptoes and pecks a kiss on my nose.  
“Thank you.” Her breath smells like her tea, vanilla and spices. Her hand falls away from my chest and I don’t want it to. I could’ve stayed like that forever, but Lucy never stays still for long.   
Lucy hums a song I don’t know and despite last night, everything seems good. She even dances while she cooks which makes me feel better because Lucy can’t hide her emotions very well.   
“How’s it coming?” I ask her still sipping on coffee that had already gone cold   
“It’s almost ready.” Lucy throws some spices in it, I don’t know what she puts in this stuff but it tastes a lot better than just zucchini and squash. It’s all buttery and a hint of garlic and—  
“Are you daydreaming about eating food that I’m making?” she asks, her hair is messy and she’s still in her pajamas, I don’t think she’s even brushed her teeth yet, because I haven’t either.   
“Yes.” I don’t hesitate to admit. “Why enjoy it once, when I can enjoy it twice.” I smile when she smiles.   
“So…” She hesitates and fidgets with her friendship bracelet.   
“What is it?” I ask her, she stirs the pan and sprinkles something else in it.   
“I just…” She sighs as if she can’t figure out how she wants to say something.   
“Yeah…” I prompt her.   
“I know you have work tonight,” She starts, I already know what she wants but I let her finish.   
“and I know you already switched shifts for yesterday…” she rubs her arm and lifts her eyes to mine “but, would it be possible…”  
“I texted Lisana this morning, she’s gonna cover for me so I’ll owe her one.”   
“Oh, Natsu!” Lucy exclaims and jumps on me. her arms lock around my neck and she showers me in kisses in her excited way. “thank you, you’re the best thing in the universe.” She kisses me some more. I laugh and let her kiss me to her hearts content. The things I do for you, Lucy I joke to myself.   
“I should be thanking you.” I hold onto her and she kisses me a few more times before she settled into my embrace. Lucy only gets up to finish the food, she scoops it onto a big plate to share from and brings us forks.   
“You are amazing.” I scoop a bite into my mouth “you know that?” I ask around the delicious food.  
“It’s just a few vegetables.” She laughs and takes a hefty bite of her own, still smiling, she takes another.   
“Made with love.” I nuzzle her neck and she squeaks a giggle and she’s okay, she’s going to be okay.   
Spending all day with Lucy is the most amazing feeling. Lucy just makes you want to smile and love who you’re with. The only thing playing in the background is her happiness playlist and even that is low, it’s just us. She stayed in her pajamas all day, although she did brush her teeth after lunch.   
“Stop!” Lucy giggles pushing at my chest but she’s just playing, she loves being tickles. She squeaks loudly and fumbles with my hands but she’s laughing and she’s happy and that’s all I want.  
“Natsu!” she laughs and twists back and forth and tries to tickle me back but I’m not nearly as ticklish as her. I just laugh tickle her stomach and her legs and her neck. She’s a mess of laughter and smiles and her hair is all frizzy from rubbing against the couch.   
The Dragneel rings, interrupting our tickle fight.   
“Who’s that?” Lucy’s laughter stops short, she sounds worried, which worries me, is she that scared of that guy? I wonder.  
“Don’t worry.” I climb off her, careful not to hurt her, she bruises so easily. “I have a little surprise for you, I—”  
“Lucy!” Juvia burst through the door with Grey, toting two big bags, behind her. Juvia runs straight to Lucy, throwing herself over the back of the couch and locking her into a hug.   
“Juvia!” Lucy giggles and squeezes Juvia back. “What are you doing here?” Lucy and Juvia do nothing to lessen their hold on each other.   
“sleep over!” Juvia’s voice pitches three octaves higher than usual. I glance at the window to make sure they’re not broken.   
“How’s she doing?” Grey lowers his voice so only I can hear him.   
“Better, I think.” I sigh “I just didn’t expect that at all, Lucy just wasn’t Lucy this morning.”   
“How’d you snap her out of it?” Grey asks.   
“Sang to her.” I say simply.   
Grey nods and smirks “can’t smile without you?”   
“Yep.” I nod and the girls finally break their mutual headlock. Lucy bounds over to me, the spring back in her step. “You planned a sleepover to make me feel better?”  
“I thought we could all use some quality time together.” I shrug it off but Lucy throws herself into my arms and squeezes me much harder than I thought she could. “Thank you, Natsu.” I squeeze her back. “Anything for you, Lucy.”   
“What are we starting with?” Juvia holds up a handful of movies, all romantic comedy types.   
“Oh, lets watch New Year’s Eve!” Lucy snatches the movies out of Juvia’s hand.  
“Down!” Grey shouts almost matching her excitement, he genuinely likes that movie though, so it doesn’t require that much acting on his part.  
“Natsu…” Lucy looks to me.   
“Whatever you want.” I tell her, she beams at me.  
“Oh, face masks!” Lucy is practically vibrating with excitement. Lucy likes going out but she likes hanging out with her friends even more.   
“We should all do face masks.” Lucy’s eyes land on me again.  
“Like I said.” I smile at her “whatever you want.”   
“Yay!” Lucy does a few little jumps, before she freezes and disappointment crosses her face. “but I’m out of my lush face mask.” She pouts a little. Juvia clears her throat and dangles a paper bag with the word LUSH across is.   
“way ahead of you.” Juvia lets the bag rock back and forth on her finger, Lucy squeals and throws her arms around Juvia “you’re the best!”  
“And don’t you forget it.” Juvia hugs Lucy back and everything really feels okay. That guy is no one. Grey and I will deal with him when we have to. Lucy’s mom doesn’t deserve a daughter like Lucy. This is good, the four of us together, just hanging out on a random night with movies and face stuff, it’s good, it’s right  
================================================================================================  
Dear ???,  
I’m going to break up with him. I can’t do this. He’s so great and he thinks he can have me forever and it’s not fair what I’m doing. He deserves someone he can have a lifetime with. Not me. Not a time bomb.  
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading tonight, I will see you tonight for another posting marathon  
> if you like HunterxHunter please give my other story a chance Put Me Back Together  
> get some sleep guys   
> XOXO


	16. Self Care and Friends

Lucy and Juvia already have their faces covered in grainy blue clay and are ready to smear it on Grey and me. Lucy laughs, her bestie playlist going in the background as she scrubs the clay onto my face.   
“Your skin is going to look so good after this.” Lucy dances as she smears, Juvia bumps her hip into Lucy’s.  
“I’m sure it will.” I let my head fall all the way back, Lucy rotates around for a better angle.   
“I mean it, your skin is going to be glowing.” Lucy’s got a giant smile stretched across her face.  
“Is it going to feel like velvet like yours?” I ask her.  
“Her skin does feel like velvet, doesn’t it?” Juvia gushes.   
“Let me feel.” Grey leans past Juvia and rubs Lucy’s cheek. She stands a little straighter, a bit more proudly.   
“Awe man…” Grey rubs his hand all over her face “your skin is soft” he laughs and then touches Juvia’s face.  
“How come your skin isn’t this soft?” Grey asks Juvia. Juvia cocks her brow at him.   
“Babe…” Grey nervously laughs “I didn’t mean you don’t have soft skin.”   
“uh hu…” Juvia keeps staring at him.   
“I just meant… Lucy’s skin is really soft.” Grey doesn’t do himself any favors in these kinds of situations.   
“You want to keep going?” Juvia asks him.  
“You know what.” Grey holds his hands up “I’m going to shut up now and just admire your beauty in silence.”  
“Good answer.” Juvia leans past him and rinses her hands in the sink. She pecks him with a kiss “but I’ll give you this one, Lucy’s skin is amazingly soft.”   
“Thank you.” Lucy rinses her hands up “now let’s go get the snacks and play the movie.”  
“Yes!” Grey hops up first “movie time.” Grey is the first one out, I follow him and Lucy and Juvia link arms and trail out behind us.   
Lucy gets her favorite set of snack dishes out; various bowls she got from flea markets and thrift stores. She spent a lot of time figuring out the right balance of mismatched dishware. I loved watching her lay out all the pieces, she spent months collecting and finally figuring out the sets and the variations. Matching the colors and the patterns, getting frustrated when she couldn’t figure out which ones looked best together, which ones fit. She played her music and she laid on the ground staring at them, leaving them out when she went to work and coming home to get back to figuring it out.   
She’s proud of it as she sets them out on the coffee table, filled with various snacks. Her eyes lingering on the dishes, her hands nudging the dishes into the exact place she wants them in.   
“There, that’s good.” Juvia finally pushes Lucy’s hands away and nudges her onto the couch. “Now sit.” Juvia drops back beside Grey, I plop down beside Lucy and slide my arm around her waist. Juvia nestles into Grey side while Grey wraps his arms around her shoulder’s and pulls her against his side. 

Lucy and Juvia have tears in their eyes by the end, even Grey, shamelessly, sheds a few tears as he holds Juvia. I might have cried too if I was actually watching the movie.  
“What’s next?” I ask.   
“The Vow.” Juvia plays the next movie from her google account and everyone settles back. The mask had hardened on our faces long ago but no one is keeping time on it. I watch Lucy’s face morph into sadness and fear to happiness and confusion. She’s seen this movie a hundred times and she still goes through the same emotion every time she watches it. I really like watching her emotions, they’re so expressive. She reminds me of that kids’ movie she likes. The emoji movie, she’s like that one emoji that has all the expressions. Lucy likes everyone.  
She hums along to the music of the movie and nestles into my side, I love her here, in my arms, relying on me. she’s so strong when it comes to life, she never gets down about things. I never get the chance to just be there for her, not like this. She doesn’t need me like I need her. she’s this bright ray of sunshine warming up everyone else’s day, and brightening up our lives. I pull her against me and kiss the top of her head. she burrows her head into my shoulder as if she could get any closer. 

Movies pass, hours watched. I hold onto Lucy long after she’s fallen asleep, long after the last movie ends but I don’t want to move and wake her. Juvia and Grey migrated to the floor at some point, Juvia has her back propped against the couch and Grey’s head in her lap as she strokes his hair. Her head leaning against the decorative couch pillow Lucy spent another few months tracking down.   
“They’re so strong.” Juvia’s voice pierces through the silence, Lucy doesn’t react.   
“Yeah.” I trail my fingers up and down her arm the way she loves “they are.”  
“We really lucked out.” Juvia yawns, her hands still going back and forth, combing Grey’s hair into a puffy mess.   
“Yeah.” I agree “we did.” I look down at Lucy, she’s everything, she’s just everything.  
“I love our weirdos.” Juvia peels one eye open to look at me.  
“I love our weirdos too.” I lean diagonally back into the corner of the couch. Lucy shifts with me but she’s not awake, it’s just reflex.  
“I love the neurotic one too.” I add closing my eyes.  
“I love you too.” Juvia whispers back “awkward one.” I can hear the smirk in her voice. I might have argued with her any other night. Tonight, is quiet and peaceful and it’s about Lucy.   
“Goodnight.” I say it to all of them but not even Juvia responds, she must be sleeping.  
===========================================================================================================  
Dear Me,  
We got the apartment, it’s really nice but its not in the best neighborhood but I don’t really care. The view is perfect, it’s on the bottom floor and it’s at the front so it’s almost like a house and the buildings across from us frame the alley and you can see out toward the city and at night the lights look so pretty.  
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note
> 
> posting MARATHOOOOOOON!!!!
> 
> I will be posting a minimum of 4 chapters today and all of those chapters will be within the next hour and if I have more time later I'll post another one or two before bed. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading
> 
> XOXO


	17. Tired.....

The air bites at my face as I run to get to work on time, I glance at my watch, dang it I silently curse as I burst through the doors.  
“Not late!” I throw my coat at the coat rack and grab my apron from the hook beside it. I stop for a second to clock in before I stop beside the outline.   
“Where’s this going?” I look at the mess of receipts pinned above the plates. “These in the right order?” I ask Dean as he swishes a pan of veggies around.   
“Uh…” He glances over and gives a quick nod “Yep, clear to go.” Dean flips a burger and stirs another pan.   
“Alright,” I grab the tray and fill it with the dishes. Lifting it over my head as one of the newer waitresses passes underneath.   
“Nice of you to join us, Natsu.” Lisana playfully snarks as she maneuvers around me.   
“Hey, I was here on time.” I call back as the door swings shut between us. I weave through the dinner crowd and the waiters and head to the back corner where a young couple is sitting. They’re out on their first date, I can tell, not because the girl is dressed to the nines but because the boy is. Over dressed for a kid, kakis and a button up, his hair arranged in the way a mom does before sending her kid off.   
“Alright, your food is ready.” I set the plates down. “Who got the house salad and who got the chicken alfredo?”   
“Salad for me.” The Girl fidgets and takes her hands away from the table to make room for the plate.   
“Awesome, choice.” I set the plate in front of her “salad is one of my favorites.”   
“Pasta here.” The boy tries to speak up but his voice hasn’t broken yet, I stifle a laugh.   
“Good man.” I set his plate down. “and I got a coke and a water.”   
“Coke.” The boy nods his head and puffs his chest out and I really hope I didn’t look like this when I went on my first date.   
“Water.” The girl’s voice is light and whispery, kind of hard to hear even if she does speak up.   
“Excellent choices, anything else I can get you two?” I look at them both as I speak.   
“No, thank you.” The girl smiles politely.   
“Thank you, sir.” The boy nods at me.  
“Alright, I’ll be back to check on you guys in a few.” I duck out and swing back to grab more plates.   
The next table is a group, they’re nicely dressed but not overly dressed. I can guess who’s food is who’s just by looking at them. It’s a weird skill acquired from three years at this restaurant.   
“Looking sharp, everyone.” I make small talk, the girls blush and the guys sit a little straighter.   
“Can I get anyone anything else?” I ask. The group exchange looks before the girls smile and shake their heads at me.  
“We’re good, thanks.” The dark blond bobs her head.  
“Excellent, I’ll be back in a few to check on you guys.” I fold my hands over the tray in front of me “enjoy your meal.” I spin around and nearly run, Lisana over.  
“Geez, Lisana .” I gasp “my bad.”  
“Come, Natsu.” She smirks at me “move it or lose it.” She throws a smile over her shoulder before disappearing behind the VIP section. Lisana always works the VIP section, guess there are some perks to being the boss’s daughter.   
The night is a steady stream of customers and a blur of faces I barely remember beyond that moment. I glance table thirteen, the table with the first date at it. They’re laughing and she’s blushing and he’s tugging at his collar every so often. I watch as he excuses himself to the bathroom, she watches him disappear before she pulls her phone out. Her face is red and a smile is stretched clear across her face. I imagine she’s texting her friend. Is that what Lucy looks like when she texts me? I wonder as I stride across the room toward the bathroom.   
The kid walks out just as I get to the door,  
“pardon me.” the kid tries to walk around me but I step in his way. He looks at me confused.   
“Listen here, kid.” I glance back at his date “you like the girl?” I ask. His face turns red and he rolls his shoulders.   
“I mean…” he clears his throat “yeah… I think so.” He shifts and glances at the girl still texting her friends.   
“Then I’m going to give you the best advice you will ever hear.” I point to the girl “she ordered a salad and water, she’s worried about what you’ll think of her if she gets anything substantial.” I tell him.   
“Why would she be worried about that?” The kid asks confused.   
“Because girls are told to behave a certain way, it’s your job to make sure she feels comfortable enough with you that she doesn’t feel like she has to put on a show.” I explain, he still looks confused.   
“Buy her dessert.” I tell him.   
He blushes harder. “I can’t afford that, dinner was already expensive.”  
“another tip.” I sigh “make sure you have enough for the date you take her on, girls don’t need fancy dinners, they want to feel comfortable.”  
“What do you even know about girls?” The kid shakes his head as if he just remembered I’m a waiter. I scoff and pull my phone out.  
“That is my girl.” I hold the screen out to him, feeling pride fill me. The kid glances between me and Lucy’s picture.  
“Dessert?” he repeats, finally “Really?”  
“Make a girl feel comfortable and she’ll be in love with you whether you take her out to dinner at a place like this or to the local bowling alley.” I step out of his way. “Now go get your girl a dessert.”   
The boy nods, he still looks a little unsure but he strides across the room and takes a seat back at the table. I wait a second before I follow him over.  
“How is everything?” I ask them.  
“It’s delicious.” The boy smiles at the girl, how flushes but manages a smile back.  
“Perfect, can I get you two anything else?” I watch the boy’s face, he’s still hesitant.   
“May I show you the dessert menu?” I prompt. The boy seems to snap out of it and nods.  
“oh, um…” the girl is hesitant now. The boy fidgets with his fork.  
“You know what?” I take their plates. “give me just a second.” I take their plates back and drop them in the sink. I swing by the dessert counter and snap two chocolate-dipped assortment platters. Lucy loves these when she comes in to visit me, and they’re the thing we always give out free when we mess an order up.   
“Alright, you two.” I set the plates in front of them.  
“I didn’t order these.” The boy frowns at me.   
“Don’t worry about it kid,” I assure him “on the house, just enjoy your date.”   
“Thank you.” The girl pipes up, her eyes are on the dessert.   
“Thanks.” The boy smiles, noticing the girl’s excitement.   
“You two enjoy.” I slip back into the kitchen and snatch another plate but a laugh stops me. I turn around to find Lucy standing near the employee entrance. Her hair is damp and she’s wearing her big silver hoops. I can see the bottom of her green-blue dress peeking out from her dark red jacket, she was really proud of that find, she got it from the thrift store for like three bucks. She’s got her thin scarf tucked around her neck and, of course, her favorite brown riding boots on. I never cared what my girlfriends were wearing before I met Lucy. I think it’s something I learned from her, noticing things, noticing everything.   
“Lucy.” I set my plates down and sweep her up in my arms. Her arms lock around me, I feel her chest expand against me as she smells me.   
“I don’t smell good, right now.” I warn her. she shakes her head.  
“You smell like you… perfect.” She breathes the words before pulling away and smiling up at me.   
“Love is not only blind in this case.” Dean chuckles from the stoves. “It can’t smell either.”   
“Jealousy is not a becoming quality, Dean.” Lucy’s voice is soft but it manages to carry through the bustling kitchen. Dean makes a face and stirs whatever is in the pan in front of him.   
“What are you doing here?” I ask, “are you okay?” I lead her to the back corner where we take turns catching our breaths… and eating the chocolate covered fruit. I grab a plate for Lucy and hand it to her.  
“Thank you.” She pops a piece of pineapple into her mouth and shakes her head “everything is fine, I just got bored, I wanted to see you.”   
“You sure you’re okay?” I ask her. She nods and glances around the kitchen.  
“Absolutely.” She returns her eyes to mine.  
“Lucy—”  
“Eh, Natsu!” Lisana calls “get a little pep in your step, we still got tables and Ty disappeared again.” Lisana bustles back out through the door with three trays expertly balanced on her hands and up her arms.   
“Go back to work, I’ll just—”   
I press a kiss to her mouth to stop her next words, I really don’t want her to say go. “sit at the bar counter, eat the fruit, I’ll get a cup of tea for you.” I peck her lips with another kiss “but don’t go, okay?” I ask her. she seems to consider it for a moment before she smiles and bobs her head “Okay,” she gives me a light peck before disappearing through the doors. I grab the next set of trays and take them out to their tables. I smile and nod and rush back to the kitchen. I make a tea for Lucy, she’d want something without caffeine, but not something that’s going to make her sleepy. I glance at the scarce teas we offer, it’s sad considering the selection Lucy has at home. I grab a raspberry tea bag and slip it on the plate with the steaming cup of water.   
“Here, raspberry.” I explain, pecking her with another kiss. She smiles, she loves pecks.  
“Thank you.” She calls after me as I hurry to deliver the next set of plates.

I flop back into the chair beside Lucy, the young couple left happy and Lucy is content to sip on her tea. She doesn’t look at all tired but something still seems off.   
“So,” I play with a lock of her hair “is there something you needed to talk about?”  
“Oh, no.” Lucy sips her tea “no, I just really wanted to see you is all.” She smiles. Lucy’s smiles are always so telling. I love her telling smiles. I know what each one means, this one means she’s not lying but her mind is preoccupied, not unusual for her but it is unusual for her not to be more uppity.   
“You sure?” I prompt “You just don’t seem like yourself tonight.”   
“I’m a little tired.” Lucy admits.  
“Well, you should have stayed home and gotten more rest.” I trade her hair for her back.  
“No.” Lucy shakes her head “not like sleepy tired like… like just tired.” She shrugs and sighs and stares at her cup of tea.  
“Tired?” I ask. She nods.  
“Tired of…of…me?” I’m terrified of her answer. She freezes at the question, her hands still and her eyes snap up to mine, her mouth slightly gapped.   
“Of course not!” she explained “why would you say that?”   
I shrug “I don’t know, I’m just worried about you.”   
“Natsu…” Lucy touches his arm “why would you ask me that?”   
“I guess…” Natsu sighs “I guess it’s because of…”  
“My mom?” Lucy guesses.   
I nod and interlace my fingers with hers. “You didn’t tell me about her, Lucy, we tell each other everything.”   
Lucy’s eyes are full of pain, he lips quivers the slightest but but she won’t cry, not right now. “I didn’t want to think about her… what she did, what I did…any of it.” She bites her lip “I thought if I could just start over, no one knew about her, that I could live for myself.” She takes a breath “It was never because of you Natsu.” Her voice is firm as she says it. “it was for me, it was because I wanted to forget and the more people that knew about it the harder it would be to forget.” She rests her hand against my face.   
“and what about Owen?” I ask her. She stiffens the slightest bit but her conviction doesn’t waver.   
“same thing.” She says and I know she doesn’t want to say anymore or talk about this but I can’t stop myself.  
“You’re sure it’s not because you don’t trust me to protect you?” The words are out there between us and I can’t take them back and I don’t really want to because she can’t lie and I want to know the truth.   
Her eyes widen the slightest bit, she’s surprised and her thumb brushes just under my eye and “no.” she breaths, she almost seems relieved “of course not, I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life.”   
A breath I didn’t even realize I had been holding finally leaves me and right now, everything is perfect.   
I pull Lucy against me and squeeze her and she squeezes me back I love Lucy’s hugs.

===================================================================================  
Dear Natsu,  
I know who I am writing to now. I also know that what I’m doing to you isn’t fair. Making you think that we have forever. You don’t even know and you never take me for granted. I love that about you. You’re so appreciative of everything I do.   
I’m just really sorry that I’ve lied to you.

Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POSTING MARATHOOOOOON!!!!


	18. Mistakes

“Your girl gave you a free pass.” Lisana stumbles into me, a beer in one hand.   
“I should have gone home with her.” I steady Lisana and pull her closer to the wall so she doesn’t have to use me as support.   
“C’mon.” Lisana giggles, she’s definitely had more than she should.  
“have some fun.” She giggles harder and grabs my shoulder to keep from falling over. she smells like a terrible concoction of cheap beer, vodka and skunk  
“Are you high?” I ask pushing her back once again. she lurched forward and wound her arms around my neck, her beer sloshes out and down the back of my shirt.   
“Okay…” I grab her wrists and push her back “you’ve had way too much for one night.”   
“Why are you being such a buzz kill?” Lisana pouts trying to latch onto me again.   
“you’re not thinking straight right now, Lisana.” I try to guide her away from me but she’s pressed herself against me and she keeps wrapping her arms around my neck the second she gets her hands free.  
“How serious are you and Lucy?” she looks at me with bloodshot eyes.  
“Lisana?” I shake my head at her “you know I love her, why are you asking me about Lucy?”  
“I like you, Natsu.” Lisana declares.  
“I like you too.” I say, “you’re a good friend.” She frowns and shakes her head.   
“No, I mean I really like you.” She smiles and she pulls me down toward her.   
“I get it, Lisana.” I try not to laugh, I forgot how weird Lisana gets when she parties.   
“break up with Lucy.” She says.   
“What!” I exclaim trying to unlatch her arms from my neck “what are you talking about?”   
“Break up with Lucy and then we can date.” She giggles and pulls herself closer.  
“Lisana, you need to let me go right now.” I grab her wrists again.  
“NO!” She yells jumping onto me, she wraps her legs around me.  
“Lisana!” I stumble back and my foot catches on something and we both fall.   
Lisana grabs my face and kisses me. I lay on my back with Lisana straddling me and her mouth on mine and she smells like the first girl who kissed me in high-school. It was a house party, we were dumb and drank too much and I girl I had seen every day in school and never spoke to, kissed me and then puked on me.   
“Lisana !” I grab her by her shoulders and roll her off. Lucy actually showed me that, she learned it at a self -defense class she went to. Well… it works.   
“Natsu!” Heath pouts at me on the ground, her eyes drooping and her lipstick smeared.   
“Why would you do that?” I demand, I feel sick that I’ve cheated on Lucy and angry that Lisana would do that and scared because now I have to tell Lucy and with that guy bothering her and a terrible reunion with her mother I don’t know how much more stress she can take.   
“Help me up, Natsu.” Lisana holds her hand out to me and for some stupid reason I help her to her feet and I guide her to the couch and then I’m running.   
New York city is a place that never sleeps, it’s full of so many people it’s stressful just to think about. Lucy loves that about New York. She loves people and movement and lights but unlike everyone else here she notices everything around her. She knows the guy down at the flower shop and she knows the old lady that walks her cat passed our house every morning and she knows every person in our building and invites them to thanksgiving dinner, maybe one person will show up but she invites them anyway, she makes cards and hand delivers them. She always wants to make everyone else happy. What does anyone do for her? Her mom treats her like garbage, she’s got some guy stalking her and I cheat on her? What kind of person does that to a girl like Lucy?  
My chest heaves and I hack up mucus from the cold air. I’m nowhere near home and the everything is closed and I don’t know how to tell Lucy I kissed another girl. I fall back against an apartment building to catch my breath. My chest hurts and my legs burn and my mouth still taste like cheap beer. I sink to the ground and drop my head what am I gonna tell Lucy…  
I wallow in self-pity for about half an hour before I push myself back to my feet and head home. I don’t want to tell Lucy what happened but honesty always works better with Lucy than anything else. The truth she can work with, she can’t handle being lied to. I wonder if that’s because of her mom I think as I pass an awkward scattering of handmade type shops, they’re the kind of apartments above them, the owners don’t make much but they’re definitely proud of their work.   
One shop in particular has a really nice display with a sign reading ‘for that special someone’ they’re mostly silver half heart necklaces. Like the kind best friends give to each other in junior high. There’s a set of puzzle pieces next to each other and it makes me stop. There’s nothing exceptionally special about them. They’re just puzzle pieces that fit together like the hearts would. There’s nothing special about them… except everything.   
I find myself knocking on the door at three in the morning. I shouldn’t, at this time. Lucy would be upset that I woke someone up for her but I can’t risk missing them.  
“Please answer.” I call upward hoping someone will hear me. No lights come on upstairs but the door opens to reveal a little old man, he’s got these circle lensed glasses and he kind of reminds me of the guy who fixed Woody in toy story.   
“I’m so sorry, sir.” I start, because Lucy would want me to apologize for being rude.  
“What can I help you with, son?” He asks, he doesn’t look like he was sleeping, he doesn’t even look tired. Just the opposite, he looks ready to work.  
“Those necklaces you have there, the puzzle pieces.” I specify “How much are they?”   
The man walks back into the house and beckons me after. He goes to the case, his movements slow but precise. He holds the box out to me.   
“These ones?” He asks.  
“Yes.” I nod a bit too frantically.   
He smiles at me “you look like you need a gift to go along with a confession.” he chuckles a little.  
“Kind of but I’m always looking for something to give her.” I admit a bit sheepishly. Lucy always did say I’m transparent.   
“Was it your fault?” He asked walking behind a counter and bringing out a binder.   
“I was a at a party with a few friends from work and she kissed me.” I’m using him as practice. “It didn’t mean anything.”  
“Did you kiss her back?” The man skims his finger along the page.   
“Of course not, I love Lucy.” He couldn’t understand.   
“Then why are you so concerned?” the man asked “is she the jealous type?”  
“Not at all.” I look at the simple necklaces beside him. she’ll love them… I hope I can afford them. “she’s the most amazing, caring, loving and thoughtful person I’ve ever met.”   
“So, you’re in love with her.” the man says.  
“Of course, I do.” I laugh, because there’s nothing else to it “and I somehow got lucky enough that she loves me too.” I look at those necklaces. “I have to tell her about Lisana but… but I would have bought these on the spot for her even if I didn’t.”  
“How come?” The man asks, watching me.   
“Because she deserves so much, she could go out and she could marry some rich guy and they would have an amazing life together but… but she picked me.” Lucy makes me feel like I’m in some cheesy chick flick. Not like I’m the guy either, like I’m the girl who’s head over heels in love.   
“And she never holds a grudge over anything.” I laugh and shake my head “there was this one time, early on in our relationship, it was before it was even really official.” I’m starting to babble, I must be tired “We were supposed to go out on a date and I completely spaced, I was writing and I just hit a writer’s high.” I can’t believe she didn’t break up with me on the spot. “and instead of blowing up my phone she took the subway to my house and she just came right in, she even stopped to pick up Chinese food and I was so into what I was doing, I didn’t hear her come in or notice her sitting on my couch until almost midnight. She was just watching me and smiling and I thought she was waiting to yell at me, it was stupid, I should have given her more credit than that but, even then, I was so afraid of losing her and I knew I messed up but she was just smiling at me and she pointed to the box she set next to me and she said ‘are you ready for our date?’ and she turned on the TV and picked out a movie… she never said anything about it, she’s never brought it up, she’s never made me feel bad about it.” I shake my head “she’s never let another guy come onto her, she shuts them down immediately and here… I was so stupid, I thought Lisana was just being flirty because she was drunk and she wanted to mess with me, I mean Lisana knows how much I love Lucy.” I shake my head, “I don’t understand why she would do this”  
The man watches me thoughtfully and I shake myself. “sorry, you didn’t ask for my whole life’s story.”   
He smiles and waves the apology off. “Now, the price…for you,” the man looked at the sixty-five-dollar price. “Thirty-five.” He smiles at me. “and I’ll give you free engraving.”  
“I can get it engraved?” I ask.   
He nods “I’ll do it for you now, it’ll take me about an hour.” He passes me a pen and paper “keep it short, your names will go on the front and the message on the back.”  
“That’s great.” I feel a weight lift from my chest, not the one Lisana put there but the constant guilt I feel because I can’t give her everything she deserves. “thank you so much.”   
“Feel free to wait on the couch, I’ll be out as soon as I’m finished.” 

“Young man.” The voice takes way too long to register in my head. The old man stands over me with intricately carved wooden box in his hands. it looks like it’s the same box the necklaces sat in in the display but now it has both mine and Lucy’s name carved into the top  
“All finished.” He smiles and holds the box out to me.   
“Wow, that quick?” I sit up and stiffen a yawn, I can’t tell if I’m seeing things or if that’s really our names there.   
“It’s been almost two hours.” He chuckles “you fell asleep.”   
“Are you serious?” I check my phone, “It’s already four?” I shake myself again.   
“Here you go, Mr. Dragneel.” He presses the box into my hand. “Now go home and see her.”   
“Thank you.” I tuck the box into my pocket. “thank you so much.”

……

Lucy is curled up on the couch when I slip in through the door. She’s curled up in our blanket in the dark. She’s never been afraid of the dark, at least as far as I know. She loves it, she loves just about everything. Although, she never sleeps in our bed alone. I don’t know if she’s afraid or what, but she waits for me on the couch every night no matter how late I get home.   
The box is sitting in my hand as I slide onto the couch beside her and wrap my arms around her, she doesn’t move, she’s out for the night. I want to give her the necklace now, I want to tell her about Lisana but that would be selfish. I don’t want to be selfish. I want to be like Lucy, selfless and loving. I kiss her head. She doesn’t move, she’s so tired.   
“I love you.” I whisper holding her. It’s enough just to hold her. 

=======================================================================================

Dear Natsu,  
Today was great with you. Sharing that half a donut and an ice cream. It was great, it was PERFECT and watching you tap away at your laptop late at night or early in the morning or when you wake up and you’ve had a spur of inspiration, it’s all so perfect and I don’t know how to say thank you.  
Well, except for saying thank you.   
Thank you Natsu, thank you so much.   
Lucy


	19. Confessions

“I love it!” Lucy’s voice yanks me out of my sleep.   
“Thank you thank you thank you!” she squeals, her weights knocks me back onto the couch and she’s showering me with kisses.   
“What did I do?” I laugh, I grab her waist to keep her from falling.   
“The necklaces.” She giggles kissing me “they’re beautiful.” She kisses me some more “they’re amazing.” She kisses my eyes and my nose and my cheeks “They’re perfect.” She kisses my neck and squeezes me as tight as she can. Lucy is the best hugger.   
“When did you get them?” She asked sitting on my lap and holding the box in her hand then she slid me a playfully suspicious look. “Is this why you were out so late?”   
She sits there looking at me with her hopeful eyes. She loves me, she trusts me.   
I didn’t mean for Lisana to kiss me. Maybe I don’t have to say anything, maybe I don’t have to ruin this moment right now.  
“I kissed Lisana.” I probably could have done that a little gentler.   
“What?” Lucy’s smile falls. I can read her like a book, she’s confused and wondering if she heard me wrong, probably wondering if she did something wrong.   
“What?” she asks again, she’s trying to give me the benefit of the doubt.   
“Well, Lisana kissed me.” I clarify.  
“Well that’s a little different than the first thing you said.” Lucy tries to laugh it off but she can’t quite do it.   
“She was drunk and I thought she was just being weird because I smelled pot on her and she wouldn’t stop but I didn’t want her to get hurt so I was trying to help her to the couch and she just kissed me.” I watch her, she’s thoughtful. Her eyes drop to the box in her hands and she frowns just the slightest bit.   
“Is that why you got these” She asks.  
“What?” I should have know that would be the first thing she went to, it’s a natural question, she hates apology gifts though. She doesn’t like gifts for a purpose, expected gifts. I think it’s part of the reason she doesn’t really celebrate holidays or tell me when her actual birthday is.  
She places the box into my hand “If that’s why you got these I don’t want it.” She says firmly.   
“No, Lucy…” I trail off as she slides onto the couch and crosses her arms, not like she’s mad, like she’s putting a shield up to protect herself.   
“No, I did not buy these because of what Lisana did.” I kneel on the floor in front of her. “I left the party and I passed a shop and I saw them and I didn’t want to risk someone else buying them so I knocked on the door and by some miracle the owner was awake and he answer the door and he engraved them for me right there.” I try to catch her eye but if she’s trying not to cry she avoids eye contact.   
“Lucy please, I swear, I swear Lisana had nothing to do with this. I got them because you deserve nice things and I know I can’t buy them for you most of the time but I could get this for you and I wasn’t going to pass it up, that’s it and you don’t celebrate holidays so I didn’t see the point in waiting.” The words are just spilling out and Lucy still isn’t’ looking at me.   
“I was going to give it to you last night but you were so peaceful and you always wait up for me and you’re the best human being in the world and I couldn’t not get these for you and I didn’t want to wait to tell you about Heath because I felt like that would be lying and it would have been stupid to wait because it didn’t mean anything, she kissed me, I didn’t kiss her back I pulled away immediately I just don’t ever want to keep secrets from you and if I waited any longer than you waking up then it would have been a secret.” I take a breath and Lucy stares at the arm of the couch for a moment before the smallest of smiles plays around the corner of her lips.  
“You can be very impatient, you know that.” She meets my eyes.   
“I know.” I hold the box out to her “please accept my gift, Lucy.” She looks at the box in my hand, holding the two necklaces.  
“It’s just a gift, right?” She asks “because you were thinking of me, it’s not because you feel guilty about Lisana or anything else, right?”  
“I promise you, Lucy, I got these because I saw them in the shop window and I knew you’d love them.” I watch her, she considers me and then the necklaces for a moment before her usual smile crawls over her lips and she holds her hand out.   
“Then I will accept your gift, Natsu.”  
I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her with all my strength “you are the most amazing, kind, wonderful, thought person in the entire world, Lucy.” I press a kiss to her lips “never forget that.”   
She giggles and nuzzles me before she maneuvers me onto the couch so that I can hug her from behind while she pulls the necklaces out of the box.   
“Here, put it on me.” She hands me the necklace and lifts her hair. Her name is in an elegant script on the front and half of the message I wrote on the back. Lucy has made me very good at necklace clasps although the cast did make it a little harder.   
“You next.” She pulls the necklace around my neck and clasps it.  
“So…” she says sitting on my lap with her arms around my neck  
“So...” I repeat, prompting her to continue.   
“You do remember what today is, don’t you?” she asks.   
“Of…course?” It’s not our anniversary, it’s not a birthday, not that I know her real birthday. She rolls her eyes at me and holds my casted arm up.   
“Cast removal day.” She exclaims.   
“Is that today?” I laugh.  
She nods “now get changed, you smell like cheap beer and poor decisions.” She hops off my lap, looking adorable as ever in her sweat pants and tank top. Her hair in knots all around her face.   
“You know it’s gonna stink, right?” I call after her. She’s right, I do smell like cheap beer.   
“You will shower until it doesn’t.” She calls back.   
“Whatever you say, Lucy.” 

****  
The doctor walks in and I laugh as Lucy bounces on her heels beside me. The doctor smiles at her.  
“She’s more excited than you are.” The doctor chuckles as the nurse brings in the little saw.  
“Alright, we’ll get this off, get some new X rays and go from there, Mr. Dragneel.” The doctor explained.   
“Sounds good.” Lucy says for me, her hands on my shoulder. She looks cute in her teal tights and long sleeved mustard yellow dress. Very specifically mustard yellow because Lucy spent way too long explaining to me the difference between yellow-yellow and mustard yellow, for me to ever get it wrong again.   
Lucy is a ball of excitement as the nurses take me in and out and the X ray’s come back. Lucy squeals when she sees the X ray.  
“It’s all better.” She claps then throws her arms around my neck and smashes a kiss to my cheek. The doctor chuckles “you’re a lucky guy, Mr. Dragneel.”   
“How’s that?” I ask pulling Lucy against my side with my un-casted arm.   
“You have such a caring girlfriend.”   
Lucy rests her head against mine “I’m the lucky one, he broke his hand protecting me from this jerk in the club.”  
“Noble.” The doctor seems a little like he’s mocking me but I don’t care all that much. I’d never been the big guy, Grey always stuck up for me and I helped him in English class and write poems to woo his girlfriends. Although, Juvia makes him write them on his own now.  
“Getting married anytime soon?” he asks, jotting things down on the chart. I open my mouth to answer him.  
“In good time.” Lucy says with a smile. The doctor is almost surprised by her answer.   
“Yep, that was my answer too.” I lie. I was going to say yes. Lucy takes my freshly freed hand and holds it between her hands as if she were holding something precious.   
“I look forward to the invitation.” The doctor chuckles and hands the clipboard to the nurse. “Alright, Mr. Dragneel, you’re all set. Follow up if you experience any consistent pain.”   
“He will.” Lucy gives me a pointed look.   
“I trust you will.” The doctor and nurse ducks out and Lucy clings to my freed arm as we walk out.   
“Now no more doing that.” Lucy says as we make our way along the streets, it’s getting colder out.   
“Doing what?” I try to play it off. She cocks her brow at me and fists her hand on her hip.  
“Get hurt because of me.” She says seriously.   
“Lucy…” I shake my head at her “if me getting hurt is the only way to save you I’m going to choose you over me every time.”   
Her eyes widen the slightest bit and she looks torn between her version of anger and a smile. “You...” she sighs and hugs my arm to her chest “you’re too sweet and for someone so smart you can be so stupid.”   
It’s possibly the meanest thing she’s ever said.   
“You would do the same, Lucy.” I lift her chin toward me “this.” I tell her “us, it’s all even. I love you and I trust you and I’d do anything to keep you safe and I know you’d do the same.” She smiles and shakes her head.  
“Are you gonna use that line in one of your stories, or have you already done that?” she asks.  
“I haven’t but now that you say that… probably.”   
“Which story?” She asks, allowing us to keep moving.   
“Maybe a story I write about you.” I kiss the top of her head.   
“It wouldn’t be very interesting if it was about me.” She laughs “I like my life but it’s not one that’s very exciting to read or write about.”   
“You never know what people are going to like.” I tell her. “I like your life too, by the way.” She squeezes my arm tighter.   
Lucy’s phone beeps, she checks it right next to me because she always does, she looks opens the text in full view. It’s just a number at the top of the text. Lucy freezes, staring at the screen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

“Who’s that?” I ask. She shakes her head.  
“It’s not your birthday…” I look at her, but her hair is covering her face. “is it?” I nudge her the slightest bit, I don’t want to scare her “Lucy?”  
“We should go home.” Lucy glances around as if she were looking for someone. As if she were trying to hide from someone.   
“Lucy,” I pull her back into my arms “what is it, what’s wrong.” she pushes away from me.  
“I want to go home, Natsu.” Lucy’s face is full of worry and maybe even fear. She’s rarely actually afraid afraid of something. It’s easy to forget she actually experiences any kind of negative emotion.   
“Please, Natsu, I want to go home.” She tugs on my arm as if she were a little girl.  
“Okay.” I pull her under my arm. “we’re going, do you still want to walk or take the subway?”  
“Subway, I don’t feel so well.” She wraps both arms around my waist and half hides her face in my shoulder.   
“Alright, Lucy, we’re going.” I lead the way “but you have to tell me what this ia about when we get home, okay?”   
She nods but her jaw is stiff her eyes are tight, she’s nervous and she’s lying, she doesn’t want to tell me.   
==============================================================================

Dear Natsu,   
I love your family. I don’t celebrate Christmas or holidays, not really but having dinner with your family was so great and I love your grandma, she’s a lot like you. I can see why you two are so close. I miss my own grandma, she’s nothing like yours but we were close and I your grandma kind of reminds me of her. it’s weird but there’s just something there that makes me think of my own.  
Maybe I’m crazy maybe just all grandma’s have that grandma vibe, I don’t think that’s it though.  
Anyway, thank you for another perfect day, Natsu.  
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty that's it for now, maybe more later definitely more tomorrow


	20. Unexpected Visitors and Gifts

“Alright, good.” Grey watched me hit the bag. He touched my elbow “up a bit, really put your shoulder into it.”

“You sure Lucy’s okay?” I ask him hitting the bag with two straights and a jab.

“No man, two straights and a jab not to jabs and a cross.” Grey struck the bag beside me “Lucy is fine.” He assures me “now do what I just did.” I do as I’m told.

“See it was good you practiced with the cast on, your form is great.” Grey pats me on the shoulder. “anyway, Lucy is hanging out with Juvia anyway, she had some kind of voucher her mom gave her for a spa day.”

“A nice place?” I asked, “not one that’s hidden in the depths of New York?” some of the places were in some questionable areas.

“You know Juvia’s mom.” Grey rolled his eyes and kicked the bag twice, two quick, powerful kicks. “only the best for her baby girl.”

“Yeah…” I hit the bag again, I know I don’t look anything like Grey but if I can just not break my hand again trying to punch someone, I’d be okay with that.

“Good, Natsu.” Grey chugged some water “really good.” He glanced down and grabbed my phone from the bench.

“Speak of the angel.” Grey hands me my phone, Lucy’s name is there with a kiss emoji.

“Don’t mention this to Lucy.” I tell him.

“I know, I know.” Grey pushes his hair back goes back to the bag.

I check the message and sigh. I don’t know why I’m so relieved.

“What’s up?” Grey asks.

“The girls are going out for cookies.” I tell him “they’ll be home in a couple hours.”

“So, we need to pretend we were… out walking?” Grey asks, mocking me a little bit.

“We can tell her we were at the gym but if she asks, tell her I was on the tread mill or elliptical or something.” I tell him.

“Got it… lie to Lucy.” Grey taunts me. I glare at him.

“Why did you have to say it that way?”

“I’m sure she won’t be that angry over you learning a few moves.” Grey tries again.

“No,” I agree “she won’t be angry… it’ll be worse than that, she’ll be worried about me, she’ll go to extremes to keep me out of any potential fight.” I say.

“I think you’re exaggerating.” Grey laughs but then thinks better and nods “got it, don’t tell Lucy because she’ll freak out.”

“Lucy doesn’t freak out.” I say “she just… doesn’t act like herself.” I sigh and take a seat.

“What’s the problem?” Grey asks sitting beside me.

“Nothing.” I shake myself “I just… I’m gonna shower and head home… I want to make dinner tonight.”

“You sure?” Grey asks.

“Yeah, she’ll beat me to it if I don’t get a head start.” I tuck my phone I my pocket and leave Grey on the bench.

Spaghetti again. It’s about the only thing I can cook because well, who can mess up spaghetti? I let the noodles boil and sit at the table with my laptop. I’m behind on my word count and I’ve gotten no more responses. I open the document and read through the first chapter again. I’d edited it so many times already. I was so happy with it, I’m still happy with it.

“I just need one.” I whisper to the screen. I look at the email that requested the complete manuscript “please be the one.”

A knock pulls my attention away from my novel. I push my laptop aside and glance at the noodles before I answer it. The man at the door make me freeze should’ve made Grey come back with me I can’t help but think.

“You.” I glare at him.

“I just got Lucy a present.” Owen stands in Lucy and my doorway with a poorly wrapped box in his hand.

“Why are you bothering her?” I demand “who are you?”

“She didn’t tell you?” he asks then narrows his eyes at me and grabs me by the shirt “or you didn’t tell her I stopped by did you?”

“Hey.” I snap shoving him back. to my surprise he actually lets me go.

“I told her about you and she got scared.” I growl at him “now tell me who you are…” I look at the box in his hands “and why you’re delivering a box.”

“It’s her birthday, dumb a—”

“Birthday?” I ask.

“duh” he rolls his eyes “you don’t forget someone’s birthday you grew up with… even if they left you behind besides.” He shrugs, a stiff jerky kind of shrug but aa shrug… I think.

“Never know how many of these she has left.” He presses the box into my hands “just give her the present for me.” he snaps “and tell her it’s from me.” he turns without another word and disappears down the hall.

“Well…” I try to think of what Grey would do if he were in my shoes but all those scenarios would end up with him chasing the guy down the hall and beating him to a pulp. Something that would not end well for me and would just upset Lucy even more. Instead I close the door and go back to the noodles. Turns out… I can mess up spaghetti.

Lucy didn’t complain about the soggy noodles. Lucy never complains about anything. The spa day soothed her and she sits here content. I balance my laptop on my legs and Lucy leans her back against my side with a book in her hands. She’s reading some old fairytale, probably another version of Peter Pan. I can’t ruin her night. Instead I tap away at my keyboard and let her lull herself into a half-sleep.

When her book starts to fall out of her hands and she’s slipping off my shoulder I set my laptop aside and twist around to hold her in my arms. We lean back and I shimmy us bother down so we’re mostly laying across the couch.

“Happy birthday.” I whisper to her pressing a kiss to her head,

“You found out.” She frowns in her sleep limbo state

“I did.” I answer as vaguely as possible

“No happy birthday.” She mumbles. I didn’t think she’d respond

“Why not?” I demand

“It’s too sad.” She yawns and presses her face into my chest.

“Sad?” I ask.

She nods “It’s like counting down the days till you die.”

“That’s…morbid.” I say.

“It’s true.” She yawns again, her hand curling around the collar of my shirt.

“Is that why you’ve never told me your birthday?” I ask. She nods again.

“Okay then.” I lean back against the couch to let her stretch out against me. “No happy birthday then.” I catch a hint of a smile on her lips.

“Wait until tomorrow and-” she yawns.

“And?” I prompt, when she doesn’t finish.

“and tell me good morning.” She yawns again and snuggles against me.

“Mornings are good?” I tease her a little. she nods.

“How come?” I ask. I just want to hear her voice. I love her voice

“Mornings mean you get to see another day.” She wraps her arms around me and I can see her relaxing into a deeper sleep. I don’t want to sleep yet I just want to watch her. I love watching her sleep.

I wake up to Lucy in my arms, the sun streaming in, just barely missing her eyes. She’s right, mornings are good. Mornings mean I get to wake up to her and I love waking up to Lucy.

She yawns and stretches and instead of hiding from the light she opens her eyes right in the light stream and smiles as if she were saying good morning to the sun. then she turns her smile to me but her eyes stop on something else and she looses her smile.

“Where did that come from?” She asks. I glance behind me and find the package on the side table beside me.

“How did…” I trail off when I catch sight of the door ajar.

“Natsu, where did that come from?” Lucy repeats. She knows I didn’t wrap it. I always make my gifts for her look nice.

“I…” I don’t know how to answer that because I didn’t put it there.

=======================================================================================================

Dear Natsu,

I know you’re worried, I know the way I’m acting is concerning you but you don’t need to be. It’s okay. I promise it’s okay. I just never wanted you to find out about him.

Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> Thanks so much for all the comments you've left for me, 
> 
> i hope everyone who as stopped by is enjoying this story, double post today because i forgot to post yesterday. probably double posts the rest of the month because i do want it to be all finished by the end of January
> 
> thanks again
> 
> XOXO


	21. It's a Thing

“Natsu…” Lucy jumps at a noise from the kitchen.  
“Call 911.” I tell her nudging her toward the door. “I’ll go look.”  
“No!” Lucy snaps latching onto my arm “lets leave and call the police.”  
“Don’t do that.”  
Lucy freezes, her nails digging into my arm as Lucy stares at Owen.   
“Come on, Lucy.” Owen says holding his arms out “you’re not afraid of me.” he took a step toward us… her.  
“So quite lying to everyone and making me look like the bad guy.” His features shifts, his hands shake.   
“Get out of here, Owen.” Lucy snaps trying to hide her fear but I can hear it. “this isn’t your house and you’re not welcome here.”  
Owen walks around the sofa and takes a seat.   
“Come on, Lucy.” He pleads with her. “just a few weeks, while I get back on my feet.”  
“No.” Lucy shakes her head “no, I can’t I don’t want you in my life anymore, Owen.” Her hearts pounds in her chest against my arm.   
“You cause too much chaos.” She says, “you never do what you say you’re gonna do.”  
“Come on!” he yells “one more chance, Lucy, that’s all I need.” He reaches for her hands but I push her back and stand between them really wish Grey were here right now I think.  
“she said leave.” I try to sound as intimidating as Grey would but even I know it falls short.   
“Get out of the way.” Owen shoves me aside.  
“Natsu!” Lucy reaches for me but Owen catches her hands and steps between us.  
“Come on Lucy, you know how mom is.” He says “I need someone like you to watch out for me.”  
Lucy shakes her head “no, no you never do what you say you’re gonna do.” Her chest hiccups and she’s trying not to cry.  
“that’s enough!” I grab him by the shoulder and yank him back. he doesn’t seem all that steady now.  
“You’re not part of this.” Owen snaps at me, chest to chest with me. He’s short but he doesn’t look weak. “this is family business.”  
“Natsu is my family.” Lucy clutches at her chest as she tries to get herself under control.   
“Exactly,” I say, “so get out of our home.”   
“Lucy!” Owen yells past me “Lucy come on don’t be a b—”  
“Eh.” I snap thrusting my hands into his chest “you don’t call her that.”   
“move!” Owen shoves me back and into Lucy and makes me knock her backward. She catches her self but that’s it. This is it. I’m not going to let him do this anymore.  
I tackle him to the ground the way Grey showed me. I ram my arm under his chin.  
“Natsu, no!” Lucy yells but she’s frozen in place, she’s scared and I’m not Grey.   
I thought getting hit in the club was hard. Owen’s punch knocks the wind out of me and has me seeing stars. He shoves me off with embarrassing ease.  
“You’re gonna sic your pathetic boyfriend on me?” Owen demands, Lucy’s phone already to her ear. She backs away from him .  
I have an intruder in my house.” Lucy’s voice is urgent. I push myself to my feet and grab him again.  
“Natsu, please.” Lucy cries at me.  
“Stay away from her, Owen.” I yank him back. My only advantage is that I have more leverage because of my height. Even that is not helpful when his elbow hits me in my core and drops me to my knees.   
“Owen, stop it!” Lucy yells at him “this is why I can’t let you back in!” She sounds angry and sad and worst of all… defeated. Lucy never gives up… I didn’t think she knew what it looked like.   
“You’re gonna call the police one me again.” Owen growls, reaching for her but to my surprise she strikes out. Her palm must hit his sternum because he’s gasping for breath.   
“Please hurry.” She says to the phone while she runs around Owen and yanks me to my feet.   
“Enough, let’s go.” She pulls me out of the apartment and onto the street barefoot and in her night shorts and tank top and keeps me locked in her arms. She’s stronger than I ever thought before.   
“Morning Lucy.” The hot dog guy greets her, he looks like he just opened up. He looks her up and down and frowns.  
“Everything okay?” He asks   
“Everything’s fine, Felix.” She forces a smile and I can tell by the look in his eye that even the hot dog guy isn’t falling for it.   
“What’s wrong?” he asks.   
“Lucy!” Owen yells, finally regaining his breath. “you just hit me.” he laughs “make sure to tell the police that when they get here.” He paces back and forth “all I’m asking is one favor.” He yells at Lucy. “One.”  
“I gave you everything!” she yells back, she never yells, not like this, not so hurt and and… angrily.  
“you and mom both, I told you guys the last time was the last time and it was and I’m happy now.” She dug her nails deeper into my arm.  
“you never did a damn thing for me!” Owen yells at her.   
“Now listen here…” Felix rests a hand on Owen’s shoulder. “you don’t talk to a lady like that first off, boy.” Felix looked him up and down. “especially not this girl right here.”  
“Yeah.” Owen scoffs as sirens sound in the distance. “she always was good at fooling people into thinking she was so perfect.”  
“I never said that.” She snaps, “you and mom said that to mock me.”   
“Oh, we know, Lucy, we know.” Owen threw his hands up “you can do no wrong.” he spits at her “you’re perfect, everything you do and touch is perfect.”   
“I think you should leave before the police get here.” Felix says because of course, Lucy would be friends with the hot dog guy on the corner and he would stick up for her… because Lucy is just that kind of person you stick up for.   
“get off me!” Owen shoves Felix back into his stand.  
“Felix!” Lucy exclaims, she turns back to Owen with an expression I’d never seen before.   
“Owen, you’re such a jerk!” she yells “this is why I left you behind, you didn’t want to move forward and after almost three years you still haven’t.” Lucy is angry.   
The police pull up a minute later and Owen runs over to them. “officer.” He says “Officer.”   
“Sir,” the officer’s hand rests on his holster “please step back.” the officer squints at Owen and then his eyes find Lucy.  
“Lucy.” He smiles at her and leaves his partner to talk to Lucy. He comes over and rests a hand on her shoulder “it’s been so long…” he nods “I’m glad.” He’s not much older than us.  
“It was good for a while.” Lucy smiles at him.   
“How do you know him?” I ask, there was not a single reason I could think of for Lucy to know an officer.  
“I used to get these calls a lot.” The officer supplies. Lucy shifts from foot to foot and drops her eyes to the ground.   
“Did they finally get it under control?” The officer asks. Lucy shakes her head slowly, almost shamefully.  
“I took your advice,” She says “almost three years ago now.”   
“I see.” The officer glances back at Owen “He just find you or something?”   
“I guess.” Lucy shrugs and lifts pain filled eyes to Owen “he showed up a few times when I wasn’t home and then he was in my apartment this morning.”  
“In your apartment?” The officer asks. Lucy nods wrapping her arms around herself.   
“He dropped a package off for her yesterday.” I explain to both of them.  
“Birthday present?” the officer asks. Lucy nods and then something seems to register in her.  
“Is that how you figured out my birthday?”   
“Yes, I wasn’t sure if it was even true but then he said, ‘you never know how many of these she has left’ and…” I look to the officer “I think he was threatening her. The officer and her exchange a look. Lucy breaks the exchange first and leans into me.   
“You should fill your, friend in about this guy and your mom.” The officer tips his hat.   
“Hey, Tuck.” The other officer meets his partner halfway.  
“What is it Ger?” Tuck asks.  
“Mr. {insert name} says this woman over here hit him.” Ger looks like he’s about go for Lucy but Officer Tuck rests a hand on his holster and fixes Owen with glare.   
“I’m familiar with this one, put him down for breaking and entering, stalking and assault.”   
“What!” Owen screams “that’s bull—”  
“Add on resisting arrest. Officer Tuck smirks at him.   
“Are you serious?” Owen’s voice cracks and both officers put him in the back.  
“Stay safe, Lucy.” Officer Tuck drives away and I take Lucy’s hands in mine and make her look at me.  
“Is it a thing, Lucy?”  
She takes a breath and meets me eyes and nods “it’s a thing.”   
=========================================================================================================

Dear Natsu,  
I don’t know what to do, Natsu. I know I should tell you and I know you think it’s because I don’t trust you to protect me but it’s not. It’s not that I promise. I just wanted to forget about him and my mom and everything. They brought out the worst in me and I never wanted you to see that.   
I promise, I’ll tell you soon. I don’t know when yet but I’ll tell you soon.  
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and I have an announcement
> 
> so this story is going to be published on amazon and barnes and nobles available as an ebook and a paperback
> 
> I am also discussing a contract with one of those webnovel companies where it posts so many chapters free and then the rest are paid for so I'm super excited for that
> 
> you can see the preorder live on amazon right now under
> 
> Every Reason I Loved Her by nunchi goya
> 
> I'm so excited for this and really appreciate all the support here. this version of it will stay up as obviously the fanfic version isn't what will be published.
> 
> XOXO


	22. Let's get Married

Lucy has herself draped over the couch, any other day I might think she’s just tired but I know it’s because of Owen, her brother. I never even thought about her having a brother. I also know it’s because she’s still trying to find a way to tell me everything.   
“Lucy, you want me to make you some tea?” I ask. She nods and stares at the pillow as she twirls a tassel around her finger. I think she found that at one of those summer stands that pop up all along the streets.   
“Here.” I wrap her hands around her favorite cup, the one with an Eiffel tower and Paris written across it. “can we please talk about this now?” I plead with her, looking her in the eyes. She sighs and takes a sip of the steaming cup.  
“Owen got into meth and he already had a drinking problem and my mom has been an alcoholic since as long as I can remember.” She takes a breath, “I left my mom and brother three years ago to live my own life.” She starts “for a few months I tried to help them, stay in contact but… but then they kept calling me to yell at me and they’d show up to my apartment at all hours screaming at me to come home and eventually kicked out of my apartment because they caused too much of a disruption.” Lucy fiddles with the tea bag. I wait for her to continue.  
“I just… I couldn’t be around it anymore.” She shakes her head “they stole from each other and accused each other and it was just to a point where they were constantly under some kind of influence and I just… I just couldn’t take it anymore.” Lucy is so gentle and loving I used to think the only way she could do that was   
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Lucy.” I tell her “you don’t let people treat you the way I’ve seen them treat you, you deserve better than that.”   
“It took me a really long time to figure that out.” Lucy says, “but it didn’t make leaving them or cutting them off any easier.” She looks to me “I love them, I really do but… they didn’t want help.” She bounces the tea bag in the cup. She sighs “I just didn’t want to think about them anymore, I wanted to make my own life with people who really care about me and… I didn’t want them to ruin it to ruin…” she trails off and takes my hand.  
“You thought he’d scare me away from you?’ I ask her, she lifts her eyes to mine as she nibbles on her bottom lip.   
“I didn’t know we’d get so close and so I didn’t want to say anything at first because of that but then I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want you to think there was something wrong with me because of them and I didn’t want you to think badly of me and because I abandoned them.”   
“Lucy, no.” I put her tea aside and take her hands as I kneel on the floor in front of her. “Nothing and no one on this planet could make me think any differently of you.”   
“You say that now, Natsu but you didn’t know me then and I just wanted to be free of them and talking about them, thinking about them… it’s like they still have a part of me and they just won’t let it go.”   
“Your mom, your brother… they have nothing to do with the kind of person you were or are or anything.” I tell her “I am in love with you, Lucy, I want to wake up to you dancing to your different playlists and I want to go to bed with you in my arms and I want to spend my life with you, Lucy.”  
She smiles and she interlaces our fingers together. “you want to spend your life with me?”  
“Yes, of course I do, I’ve wanted to since our third date when you were laying on the blanket and talking about all the places you wanted to go and how amazing life is.” I kiss her hands “you have this way of making everything feel like it’s so special, like I’m so special.”  
She smiles wider “really?’ it’s like she can’t believe it.   
“You make me want to be better and you remind me every day that even when I don’t believe in myself, you believe in me and when I wonder how someone so amazing and so kind can be so in love with me and you reassure me that you are, no matter how many times I need it.”   
“You really mean that?” she asks but her eyes tell me she believes me already.   
“Of course I do, Lucy.”  
“well, then…” she laughs, all giddy and sweet and Lucy.  
“Let get married.” she says.  
“What?” I ask but I can’t help the smile on my face.  
“Right now,” she says “we’ll go down to the court house and we’ll get married, we don’t need a big thing. I don’t need a ring.” She sits up and takes my hands in hers “I just need you, Natsu.”  
“Are you sure?” I ask her.  
“Yes, if we decide we want a big ceremony, later, when we have more money, we can but I just want to be married to you. I want to be Mr. and Mrs. Dragneel.”  
Lucy’s eye are alight with excitement. She wraps her hand around the puzzle piece necklace she hasn’t take off since I’d given it to her. “We’re a perfect match, Natsu.” She looks at me with her big eyes and I can’t help it.  
Yeah.” I say, “yeah, let’s do it.”  
“I’ll call Juvia and Grey and they can meet us here and we’ll all go down and she can be my maid of honor and Grey can be your first man and it’ll be cute.” Lucy jumps up and grabs her phone and down the hall.  
“call your grandma, she’d be mad if we got married without her.” Lucy yells before closing the door  
“Juvia, guess what!” Lucy giggles on her way down the hall   
“I only have one suit!” I call after her, my writer’s/ interview suit. She peaks her head out the door, her eyes wide and her shoulders bare.   
“I’d marry you in your boxers.” She says. My heart is pumping faster than it should be possible. I shouldn’t be able to feel this much.   
“Hurry up, the court house closes at 3:00 and we need to get a marriage license.” Lucy calls. I run down the hall with her as she pulls a robe over some something pink. She smiles when she catches me.  
“Groom can’t see the bride in the dress until the ceremony.” She says, mischief in her eyes. She steps into a pair of heels that are mostly straps. They’re kind of a gold pink color. She grabs her favorite flower crown from the dresser, the one that has two strings that fall down her back.   
“Lucy!” Juvia’s voice pierces through the phone.  
“I’m here.” Lucy grabs the phone and her tiny purse, the one she uses for nice dinners and runs out.  
“Hurry!” Lucy tells me as I struggle into my pants.   
“I’m coming.” I laugh. I don’t care what happens tomorrow. I just want to know Lucy is mine, on her driver’s license, on our taxes. I want to have those pointless decorative towels that you don’t actually use but have our names on them and they just hang there next to each other to remind you you’re a set.  
“Natsu!” Lucy giggles “Juvia and Grey are on their way!” Her voice is so happy I could die right here and regret nothing.  
“Almost-” I smack against the ground, my leg tangled in the wrong leg. I flip onto my back and yank them on. I tuck my shirt in and I grab my jacket and my tie, the only one I have, the one with the stains on it and I yank on my beat-up loafers and tuck my wallet into the pocket and I run out to meet Lucy.  
“Vows.” She says handing me a piece of paper and pen. “We have to write our own vows.”   
“Okay.” I agree. She giggles and she sits at the table and she’s scribbling away. I sit on the couch and start my own.

Juvia and Grey are there an hour later. Juvia dressed in a simple knee length Navy blue dress and matching heels.   
“Lucy!” Juvia screams grabbing hold of Lucy and jumping up and down with her. Lucy is so happy, so free looking. I love her reactions, they’re so pure.  
“Oh, my gosh, I can’t believe it!” Juvia hugs Lucy and Lucy squeezes Juvia. “I’m so happy for you.”   
Grey clasps me on the back “finally did it?” Grey asks. I shake my head “I asked her about it a few weeks ago… she did it just now.”  
“Lucy’s good like that.” Grey nods “she doesn’t wait for what she wants.”  
“I guess I know she wants me.” I have to swallow the emotions bubbling up because Lucy is all I want.  
“Guess so.” Grey punches me in the arm.  
“Dude.” I look at him, my confusion evident on my face.  
“This was a hundred times better than my proposal, now Juvia is going to get on me about this,” Grey feigns annoyance but I know him.  
“Grey.” I say seriously “Will you be my best man?”   
Grey shakes his head, “why do you think Juvia put me in a suit?” He can’t help the smile on his face “yeah, man. I’ll be your best man.” Grey hugs me and the girls jump on us.  
“Time limit!” Juvia shouts at us tugging us toward the door. Lucy snatches her paper from the table and lets Juvia drag her out.   
“Let go!” Lucy runs ahead of all of us, even in her heels she’s not limited. I love her limitless. Juvia struggles to keep up, Grey jumps in front of Juvia and lifts her onto his back and he runs after Lucy.  
“Natsu!” Lucy calls for me “hurry!” She swipes her metro card and she swings around the gate and she waits for us bouncing on the balls of her feet.   
“Did you call your grandma yet?” Lucy asks.   
“I’m doing it right now.” I say.   
I think my grandma screamed louder than Lucy and that is a feat in itself. I laugh and Lucy giggles uncontrollably, unable to contain her excitement.  
“Get your marriage license,” Grandma says, “I’ll get her a bouquet and I’ll bring a minister to the park you had your third date.” Grandma hangs up, ready to get stuff done.  
“She’s getting your bouquet.” I laugh.  
“She’s already got it up in her sewing room.” Lucy says, her phone out snapping pictures of all of us.   
“What?’ I ask posing with Grey in front of a poster.  
“Yeah, who do you think made the dress?” Lucy asked snapping another picture with Juvia, Grey and me.   
“She made that dress?” I ask, not that I can see it under the robe.  
“Yeah, she said she didn’t want anyone but me to be her granddaughter in law.” Lucy passes the phone off to Juvia and Juvia snaps some pictures of Grey and me flanking Lucy on either side and then we all squeeze in for a group picture.  
“Close your eyes.” Lucy says.   
“What, why?” I ask.  
“Because I want to get a picture with the dress but you can’t see it.” She explains.  
“but everyone else gets to see it?’ I laugh. She gives me a look “alright.” I give in “eyes are closed.”   
“Perfect, now say cheese.” She snaps a few pictures before giving me permission to open my eyes.   
Even in a bathrobe on a subway train, she is beautiful. Not just because she’s physically beautiful but because she makes everything around her glow. I squeeze her hand and Juvia snaps a picture of that. Even Grey gets in on it and snaps pictures of us and nothing else matters.  
People talk about cold feet when getting married. Looking at Lucy, it’s like fear ceases to exist. It’s just Lucy and my feet are toasty warm.  
====================================================================================  
Dear Natsu,   
There is only one thing I’ve ever wanted out of life. I wanted to be loved unconditionally and completely and I didn’t know what form to find it in but here you are. Here you are at two in the morning tapping away at your laptop and sipping your coffee, that sweater you wear when you’re cold and writing because it looks like a stereotypical writers or scholar type cardigan. Or maybe you just wear it because your mom gave it to you and it reminds you of her and it makes you feel close to her. I love the way you look in it any which way you turn it.   
I love you Natsu if I’m ever gone, please remember that.  
P.s. That’s not fair, when I’m gone please remember that. I love you. I love you with everything in me.   
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> I'm excited to see this in print, i have my first copy if you're interested in future give aways or just keeping up tp date on my current work and upcoming works you can follow me on ig @nunchigoya or @nunchi.trash. 
> 
> my OG readers of all works get priority when it comes to receiving free things. I'll be giving out a few printed copies and several digital copies of Every Reason I Loved Her. i do design my own fabrics and the give away will include a booksleeve, book mark and printed copies of the book. 
> 
> I'll give a code when it's giveaway time to my fanfic readers at the conclusion of this story. 
> 
> Thanks so much for the support and i hope to see you over on my ig. if you don't have an ig or prefer a different social media feel free to PM me. I'd love for those who supported me early on to receive gifts from me.
> 
> As Always thanks you so much for reading and the comments and i look forward to seeing you tomorrow
> 
> XOXO


	23. When's The Date?

It’s surprisingly easy to get a marriage license. You pay 35 dollars and you sign a few documents.  
“So…” The court clerk, June, says “when’s the date?”  
“Today.” Lucy beams at June, she practically shaking with barely contained excitement.  
“Well, this says you have to wait a minimum of 24 hours to get married.” June explains but she’s got a smile on her face.  
“We’d very much like to be Mrs. And Mr. Dragneel today, please.” Lucy leans across the counter “We’ve already gotten dressed and his grandma is getting an ordained minister and she bringing my bouquet.”  
June chuckles, everyone smiles when Lucy is around.  
“I noticed.” June eyes Lucy’s robe “can’t let the groom see the dress?” she guesses, Lucy nods and smiles at me “See, she knows.”  
“Whatever you say, Lucy.” I agree.  
“So, can they get married today?” Juvia asks, joining Lucy. June grabs another paper and jots a few things down.  
“This is a judicial waiver, sign the bottom and we’ll get you two married today.” June handed Lucy a pen. Lucy screams and signs her name all big and loopy and hands me the pen. I sign mine with less flare and pass it back to her.  
Lucy watches the paper as June’s hand closes around it and this is it. Lucy is really going to be mine.

======================================================================================================  
Dear Time,  
Yes time, how are you doing?  
I’ve realized something. The thing about living a long life is that it doesn’t really matter if you live to be one hundred if you’ve never really lived.  
All these people that die tragic deaths like Steve Erwin or Paul Walker. They still lived more than a lot of people who lived to be eighty or ninety years old because they were doing what they loved.  
They didn’t waste time with they took time by the horns and said yeehaw!  
Time, you were my enemy for a lot of my life. I don’t think we have to be enemies. I think we can be friends.  
Don’t you?  
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading next chapter up in a sec
> 
> XOXO


	24. I Do

Lucy is simple, she loves everything and she’s got this amazing ability to make anyone feel special. She just makes you smile the second you see her and she makes the world brighter.

The music starts, it’s not the wedding march though. I know this one. It’s by Ed Sheeran, Perfect. Juvia and my cousin walk out first and then Lucy steps out from behind the big oak tree and everything stops. My heart, my fidgeting hands, time. Everything is frozen to look at her. Her dress is a light pink, blush. It comes just above her knees and it’s go two sets of sleeves, one over her shoulders and one draping along the side, her hair is half pulled back, I saw the braid before and the flower crown and the shoes but as time restarts and I can hear my heart in my chest… she looks like something from a fairytale.

“You okay, man?” Grey whispers as my cousin trails in front of her in a little flower girl dress throwing petals all around her. Flowers fall from the tree above as if they can’t help but celebrate Lucy

“Natsu.” Grey nudges me again but I can’t stop staring at Lucy.

“Yeah…” I breath, I don’t want to speak too loudly, if this is a dream, I don’t want to see reality ever again.

“that’s yours, man.” Grey says. I can hear the smile in his voice.

“Yeah…” I breath again.

Juvia and my cousin stand to the side. My grandma and grandpa[GM1] and a few cousins and nieces and nephews stand all around. I glance up at the movement in the tree Lucy just walked under and see my other little cousin, Aiden, sitting on a branch with another basket of petals he must have been throwing the petals from above. He looks a bit upset but that’s probably because he was convinced Lucy was going to break up with me for him.

“Hi.” Lucy smiles as she joins me in front of my grandma’s neighbor and ordained minister, Henry. Juvia takes Lucy’s Bouquet from her and I take her hands.

“We are gathered here today to witness a union that is long overdue.” Henry begins sparking a few chuckles from our family and friends.

“You’re telling me.” My grandma adds. Lucy giggles softly but her eyes stay on mine.

“We’ve all watched their love blossom from shared laughs to shared memories and through disagreements and the kind of fairytale love we only see in Disney movies.” Another laugh from the crows. Henry looks pretty proud of himself right now.

“and finally, they have decided we can stop holding a breath as they join as one in holy matrimony.”

I can hear my grandma start to sniffle and a few other hiccupped sobs. Lucy stand before me with her eyes shining and her smile bright.

“Who gives this woman to this man.” Henry asks looking out at the gathering expectantly. Panic surges through me because Lucy has no family here, no one to give her away.

“I do.” Juvia steps forward

“I do.” Grey walks around me and pats Lucy on the shoulder. And clasps mine. “take care of her, Natsu.” Taps my chin with his knuckle “or we’re gonna have a problem.” He smiles at me and joins me back at my side. Juvia stands proudly beside Lucy but not without gesturing ‘I’m watching you’ to me.

“And who gives this man to this woman?” Henry goes on.

“Take him!” A few of my cousins and most loudly, my grandma, says.

Lucy laughs. “they’re excited to pass you off.”

“I think they knew you were the one for me before I did.” I admit “but they’re smart, I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“The love birds have decided to write their own vows.” Henry is officially having too much fun with this.

Lucy pulls her paper out of her pocket. I didn’t know wedding dresses had pockets but since my grandma made it, it was probably a special thing she asked.

“Natsu,” she begins. “I didn’t know that I knew I was going to love you. We met by chance and you were so cheesy and cute and just you and it was the most honest and endearing thing I had ever seen, so I said yes to our first date. I didn’t know it then, but that was when I said our first I do.

I couldn’t have guessed that before we went on our first date and we danced and you called me the day before and you asked me what color I was wearing, and you showed up in the same color pocket square and tie and a beautiful corsage. I couldn’t have guessed that that was the second time I said I do.

No one told me, that falling in love, into, honest, unconditional true love happens like making a friend in the sandbox as a toddler. You start to play together, then you share toys and then your mom takes you home but… you think about your new friend until the next time you see them.

I didn’t know what true love felt like, until I met you, and I made a friend. I didn’t know that you say I do hundreds of times before you’re even asked.

I will say I do everyday I have with you, Natsu. I will hold your hand through the highs and the lows, I will feed you chicken noodle soup from a can when you are sick and I will love you with every beat of my heart and every breath in my body… until death tears us apart. And even then, I will wait for you again and we can have more I do’s.”

I can hear my grandma and cousins crying. I’m pretty sure I even hear a sniffle from Grey behind me. I catch a glimpse of Juvia’s eyes, full of tears just past Lucy

“Lucy, I always knew you were special. I could see it in your eyes. The first time we had coffee together and you wore those red glasses and you got tea, with no sugar and I knew it even more. Not because you were drinking tea but because you didn’t look at your phone once. You looked at everything else. You watched the people outside and you laughed with me.

Lucy you say hi to random people and you offer a smile to everyone that passes by. You care about people you don’t even know. You care that they get a smile and you care more about what is going on around you than you do about what’s going on in your phone.

You love people and the world and you appreciate everything and you want to experience everything first hand, you don’t want to just read about it, or see pictures about it.

You are the first girl my grandma learned to text for, the first one that my family liked more than me. You have this way about you that just lights up a room and you just make the people around you feel good about… you and themselves and you make the world seem so much brighter. You are special but the best thing about you is that you make everyone around you feel special too.

I can’t imagine a world where you and I aren’t together. I don’t want to live in that kind of world because, Lucy, you are my sun and my moon and my earth and everything. You are my everything and I will cherish and accept and love you every day just as you are right now, as you were yesterday and as you were the day I met you, covered in sweat.

I love you Lucy Mae Dragneel[GM2].”

Lucy bites her lip, she takes a second to gather herself.

“Wow.” She half laughs and half cries. “that should go in one of your books too.” She chuckles and its only us. Only we exist in this space in time.

“That was beautiful.” Henry stifles what I think is supposed to be a sob but nothing can ruin this moment.

“Will the ring bearer please bring the rings to the bride and groom.” Ironically, my first girlfriend’s four-year-old son walks the familiar wooden box to Lucy and me.

“Thanks, Clay.” I pinch his cheek and he scowls at me. I lift the puzzle piece necklace.

“You are my other half, Lucy.” The only thing that could possibly be written on these necklaces. I place the necklace over her head. Her face is glowing and pink as she lifts the other half out and reaches up to place it over my head.

“You are my other half.” She repeats, she rests her hands on my shoulders.

“By the power vested in me by the State of New York.” Henry says, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

Lucy jumps into me and kisses me. I pull her against me and finally everything feel exactly as it should.

“I now present to you Mr. And Mrs. Dragneel.” Henry’s voice booms out louder than I expect but Lucy doesn’t flinch and everyone claps and when she pulls back and our gazes meet it’s like nothing can touch us anymore.

=========================================  
Dear Natsu,

I’m Mrs. Lucy Dragneel and I couldn’t be happier. You have made me so happy. You have given me everything and I wish I could do the same. I wish I could keep my promise because I lied today. I lied because I wanted it to be true and I thought maybe if I said it out loud, if I swore it to God and in front of our friends I thought that it might be enough to make it true

=============================================

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> Thanks so much for reading i hope you're enjoying, thank you so much for the comments. 
> 
> i hope you have a great night and i will see you tomorrow
> 
> XOXO


	25. Mr. &Mrs. Dragneel

Lucy loves music, I shouldn’t be surprised that she’s already got a playlist made for the reception, as small as it is, a little cramped in my grandma’s house but it’s cozy and we’re surrounded by family.   
“It took you long enough.” Grandma smacks my shoulder as we dance. Grey dances with Lucy and Juvia dances with my cousin, I think he’s found another girl to love.  
“Sorry, grandma.” I kiss the top of her head “better late than never, right?” I chuckle. She smiles  
“That’s right.” She dances us toward Lucy and Grey. Grey takes the hint and swaps dance partners with me.  
“Hello Mr. Dragneel.” Lucy giggles.  
“Good evening Mrs. Dragneel.” God I love that She is Mrs. Dragneel. My name is now a part of her name. Lucy Mae Dragneel.   
“Lucy Mae Dragneel.” Lucy smiles.  
“It’s got a nice ring to it.” I snort a laugh and she bites her lip.  
“Yeah, it does.” She lets me lead her through what little dancing I know. After everything, after every single little thing that’s happened and made me doubt Lucy’s love for me… feels so meaningless now.  
“No more secrets.” I tell her. her hands tighten on my shoulders.   
“Natsu I—”  
“Hey.” Lisana stands there in a black cocktail dress, she fiddles with her bag while shifting her eyes to Lucy’s.  
“Lucy…” Lisana starts, “I imagine Natsu told you about the uh… the other night.” Lisana twists her purse strap around her finger.   
“The kiss?” Lucy asks.  
“Yeah…” Lisana is struggling and maybe I should save her the stress of a confession and a tacked on apology, but Lucy stands there, a soft smile on her lips, her eyes wide open and looks at Lisana with kindness.  
“I’m really sorry, I was so messed up that night and… well… I’ve always kind of had a crush on Natsu but I never did anything because he’s always been so madly in love with you and well…” Lisana took a breath “Lucy, I am so sorry for what I did and if I caused any strain, not that I could, you guys are perfect together, but still.” Lisana finally meets Lucy’s eyes. “I am truly and whole heartedly sorry.”   
Lucy steps away from me and pulls Lisana into a hug “thank you for the apology.” Lucy steps back and takes Lisana ’s hand.  
“everything is fine, he explained and I understand.” Lucy looks to me “it’d be hard to for me to keep my hands off him if he were yours instead of mine.” She turns back to Lisana . “Please, enjoy the cake and the snacks. Natsu’s Grandma really knows how to throw together a fast party.”   
“Thank you, Lucy.” Lisana bobs her head toward me but her eyes are firmly on Lucy. “and congratulations.” Lisana dips out to a less awkward part of the room and I pull Lucy back into my arms.  
“Most people would have decked her.” I tell her resting my chin on her head.  
“It wouldn’t have changed or fixed anything.” Lucy says simply “it would have been wasted energy and ruined this.” She raises her hands up, gesturing to the party.   
“and I don’t want this to be ruined, I just want to enjoy it.” Lucy sighs contentedly and starts to hum along with the song.   
“What song is this?” I ask her.  
“I was made for loving you by Tori Kelly and Ed Sheeran.” She rests her head on my shoulder and continues humming the songs until she’s singing it softly into my ear.   
“What about this one?” I ask a minute or so into the next song.  
“Seeing Blind, by Niall Horan.” She sings, but she’s not just singing it to sing. She’s singing it to me.   
Juvia stands on a chair in her heels with Grey keeping her steady on the ground beside her. or maybe he’s just ready to catch her.   
“A toast.” Juvia raises her glass. “Lucy, you’re the kindest person I’ve ever come into contact with.” Juvia looks directly across the room at Lucy and I swear it’s like the two connect on some kind of spiritual level because when they’re eyes meet it’s like they can only see each other.  
“I remember when I met you on the subway, we were nineteen I was having the worst day of my life. I had failed an exam and it was raining and my coat had caught in the subway door and you came over, like my own personal guardian angel, and helped me shimmy out of that dang coat and then you offered me your own.” Juvia wobbled a little, either from a bit too much champagne or from the wobbly chair my grandpa never fixed.   
“You said you lived right near your next stop.” Juvia wrinkled her nose and jabbed a finger at Lucy “you lied because my comfort, the comfort a perfect stranger, was more important to you than your own, the next time I saw you on the subway I took you out for coffee… where I found that you don’t drink coffee and you also don’t use sugar.” Juvia rolled her eyes and dropped her head back.  
“You were so gentle I thought I might break you by talking too loud but no, you are not easily broken, you are flexible and Lucy, you’re the first person who taught me there’s a difference.” Juvia shifts her gaze toward me.  
“and you.” she says, Grey grabs her by the waist to keep her steady.   
“You are her perfect match, you and her together are like a spring rain.”  
“A spring rain?” I hear Grey whisper.   
“A spring rain.” Juvia confirms loudly “gentle, nurturing and persistent.” She raises her glass higher. “To the most perfectly matched utterly in love couple I’ve ever seen, Lucy and Natsu Dragneel.”  
Everyone drank to that. Lucy took a sip of the sparkling grape juice grandma picked up for her, and smiled at Juvia as Grey lifted her off the chair.  
“Well…  
Grey says “I’m not gonna climb on the chair because I’m possibly a little tipsy but here goes. Natsu…” he seems to take a second to find the words he wants.   
“Natsu, I’m not a writer like you, I don’t make artfully assembled lines but I will say this. I’ve known you a long time and I’ve seen you go through a few girlfriends but I have never seen you look at anyone the way you do Lucy.” Grey winks at Lucy. “I remember my sister once asking me ‘is there a word other than whipped to express a man who is willing to do anything for his girl’ at first I told her no but after watching you and Lucy for these last three years…” Grey nods and raises his glass “I’d call it Natsu, congratulations buddy, you make a step passed whip look good.”   
Everyone drinks again and my grandma takes a stool. Grey hurries over to keep her steady.  
“Natsu Dragneel.” She says shaking her head “it took you long enough.”  
Lucy giggles beside me.  
“And Lucy, Lucy Dragneel, I am so happy to make this official.” She smiles at Lucy “you know I’ve considered you like a daughter for sometime now.” Grandma looks to me with an I-told-you-so kind of look. “I knew she was perfect for you the very first thanksgiving you brought her home for and we asked her her holiday plans and she said she doesn’t celebrate.” Grandma laughs “we couldn’t believe a girl like her didn’t celebrate but then she explained it, she said she’d rather celebrate everyday rather than pick a few days filled with stress and expectations to live up to. She said you get more days to celebrate like that.” Grandma nods and raises her glass “celebrate everyday, with everyone, Lucy has the right idea.” She drinks and everyone follows. Grey sweeps her off the chair and places her safely on the ground.  
“Thank you.” I mouth to him. He gives me a thumb’s up and wraps his arm around Juvia to keep her from falling.   
Lucy squeezes my arm as a few others take their turns. The party slowly melds into halfhearted dancing and the couch begins to fill up with passed out party goers, including Lisana . I lead Lucy upstairs to my old bedroom. Grandma just uses the room as a spare now but she keeps my things there. A high school version of me preserved in time I wonder if Lucy has a room there.   
“Wait.” I stop Lucy before she can walk into the room.  
“What’s wrong?” she yawns.  
“I’m gonna do this right.” I pull her against me and attempt to scoop her legs up but she stops me.  
“Better idea.” Lucy walks behind me and climbs onto my back. I grab her legs to keep her from sliding down and walk her through the threshold.   
“here we go.” I turn around to place her on the bed first. She lays back and stretched her arms over her head.   
“Today was perfect.” She says.  
“Yeah.” I pull her heels off for her before pulling off my own. I shed a few layers including my jacket and my tie before climbing into bed next to her. She curls into my chest, her hand resting just over my heart. She halfheartedly starts humming a song I’m not at all familiar with.  
“what’s that one?” I ask around a yawn.   
“First d…” she yawns “first day of my life by…” she trails off  
“by?” I stroke her hair as she slips in sleep.  
“by Bright Eyes.” She wraps her arms around me and buries her face into my chest.   
“Goodnight Mr. Dragneel.” She whispers.  
“Good night Mrs. Dragneel.” 

====================================================================

Dear Natsu, 

Mrs. Lucy dragneel  
Mrs. Lucy Dragneel   
Mrs. Lucy Dragneel  
Mrs. Lucy Dragneel   
Mrs. Lucy Dragneel  
Mrs. Lucy Dragneel   
I just can’t stop writing it, I feel like I’m in junior high writing our names together in my notebook. It’s about three in the morning, I’m waiting for you to get home, I miss you Mr. Dragneel. XD I’ll never get over that. Mr. and Mrs. Dragneel.   
We’re a family now, Natsu. I have a family. 

mrs. Lucy Dragneel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> multi chapter post!
> 
> see you in a sec.


	26. Trick or Treat

Sixty-two hours and thirty-two minutes. 

“Good morning, Mrs. Dragneel.” I smile at her as she watches me. she’s been up for a few hours now. She lays beside me still in her pajamas, no makeup and her hair is a wild ball surrounding her face like a rebellious halo.   
“Good morning, Mr. Dragneel.” She’s smiling as she strokes my hair. She’s humming something from the reception but I don’t know the name.  
“First day of my life by Bright Eyes.” She says before I can ask.   
“Sing it to me.” I reach around and her and trace circles into her back as she sings me the words.  
“This is the first day of my life.” She sings,  
“Didn’t you have work today?” I ask her “those dogs don’t walk themselves”   
“Juvia’s wedding gift.” She says.  
“Another gift from Juvia, she’s getting out of hand.” I joke. Lucy chuckles softly.   
“She didn’t have work today, she’s walking my usual clients today for me so I can lay in bed with you for as long as we want.” She brushes aside some bang that’s getting too long.   
“Grey is helping her.” She adds before continuing the song.   
“That’s nice of him.” I say.  
“He said to consider it his gift.” Lucy skootched closer to me and slipped her arms around me. she pressed her ear to my chest and tapped the rhythm of my heart onto my back.   
“He just didn’t want to have to buy anything.” I wrap her up in my arms.   
“It’s a sweet gesture either way.” She stops humming and I can feel her heart against my chest.   
“Then our wedding gift can be just as sweet.” I kiss the top of her head. she nuzzles into my chest.  
“So…” I hesitate because I’m not really sure I want this to end yet.  
“Hmm…” She asks  
“are you hungry or...” I leave the sentence open for her to finish.  
“In a bit.” She says.  
“You’ll be hungry in a bit or we’ll get up in a bit?” I ask her.   
She shrugs. “We’ll see.” I trail my fingers through her hair and hold her. I never want to let her go. I never want this feeling to end. 

***

Lucy smiles at me as she licks her ice cream and sings another song, her free hand resting in mine, she taps the rhythm of the song against my hand.   
Sixty-seven hours and twenty-two minutes  
“We have to get candy today.” She licks her Ice cream.   
“Sweet tooth today?” I ask her taking a bite out of her cone.   
“What’s today?” She asks with a playful eye roll.   
“it is almost three days of us being Mr. and Mrs. Dragneel.” I tell her confidently.   
“Well… yes.” She giggles “but that’s not what we need the candy for.” She holds the ice cream out to me after taking another bite of it.  
“What do we need it for then?” I sigh feigning annoyance.  
“It’s October thirty first, Mr. Dragneel.” She taps my nose “We need to lure children to the apartment somehow.”   
“It’s Halloween?” I ask.   
She laughs. “Take a look around, Natsu, you didn’t notice the people and kids dressed up around us?”  
“Oh, come on.” I pull her into my lap “you know I don’t see anyone but you.”   
“Very nice boyfriend-er husband answer, Natsu.” She rests her hand on my cheek and pulls me toward her. She presses a kiss to my nose and then my lips.  
“Thank you, I’ve been practicing.” I kiss her nose back before she hops to her feet.   
“Let’s go.” She holds her hand out to me.   
“Now?” I take her hand anyway.  
She bobs her head “yep, right now, Mr. Dragneel.”  
“Anything for you Mrs. Dragneel.”  
***  
Lucy’s in a light brown dress, with a chunky orange sweater and her favorite brown riding boots. Her black hair pulled up in a messy bun. She cradles the bowl of candy in her lap on the front porch of the apartment buildings as I step out with a fresh cup of tea.  
She smiles at the kids, the little boys dressed in super hero costumes and pumpkins and the girls dressed in anything from wonder woman to princesses to various animals.   
“Oh wow!” She exclaims to a group of girls, they’re all dressed as kittens, the mother of one of them stands behind them.   
“A whole litter of kittens!” Lucy gushes throwing handfuls of candy into their bags. Not many kids live around us so she can be generous with the handfuls.   
“Oh, and your mom too!” Lucy points at the cat ears on the mom’s head. she claps as if she were a little girl.   
“You have such a cool mom!” Lucy waves at the mom, the mom laughs and beckons her children over.   
“Do you want kids?” I ask as I hand her a cup of hot tea and sit beside her. She wraps her hands around the tea cup and curls around it.   
“I don’t know.” She shrugs carefully sipping on her cup to test the temperature. “why?”  
“We’ve never really talked about kids before.” I tell her drinking my coffee.  
“We only just got married, Natsu.” She smiles at me curiously “you want kids already?”  
“Not just yet but what do you think?” I ask, “I mean you’re the one that has to carry it.” Lucy looks out at the city, the lights flickering on in waves as the sun’s rays disappear behind the buildings.   
“I guess one day.” Lucy sips her tea, her eyes trailing over the streets, the lights shining in her eyes. “I really just want to focus on right now… what’s happening, what I’m feeling…” she trails off and sighs “thinking about tomorrow before tomorrow is here is like…” she hesitates trying to think of the word “it’s like counting down until this day is over and… I don’t want this day to be over… I didn’t want yesterday to be over or the day before.” She’s thoughtful as she examines the street, the kids walking by in costumes. She waves at the random vendors stationed outside our building. The moms that powerwalk with their kids tucked in their strollers every morning. She notices everything.   
“That doesn’t answer my question.” I prompt. She takes a deep breath and sighs.  
“I like kids.” She starts “I just never thought I’d get the chance to have any so I never wondered about that.”  
“but you wonder about everything.” I laugh “you want to go to the most insane places and you dream not just for yourself but everyone around you.”   
“It was just different, Natsu.” She shakes her head, some hair falling loose from her bun.  
“Those things are different than having a real life.” She laughs, but not like something is funny, like something is impossible.   
“If traveling the world like you always talk about isn’t a ‘real life’ then what is?” I ask her.   
“This.” She holds her tea up toward me.   
“Tea?” I cock my brow.  
“No.” She rolls her eyes at me “you, me, our little apartment and our bills we make just enough money between the two of us to pay.”  
“Out of everything you talk about,” I shake my head “that’s what’s real to you.”  
“I want really, Natsu.” She finally looks at me “I want this, I want us because even if I had traveled to all the places I want to travel to… I’d still be alone and when I’m with you, Natsu, I’m not alone.” She set her tea down and grabbed my hands “you right here on this porch is more real and feels so much better and so much freer than traveling across the world because you are my world, Natsu.” She watches me for a few seconds before dropping my hands and wrapping her arms around herself.   
“I’m sorry, I’m being a downer.” She smiles and tucks a few strands of hair behind her ear.   
“What?” I place her tea back into her hands “this is what I want you to tell me, Lucy, not everything has to be okay, you’re allowed to feel sad and angry and hurt and then happy and in love… with me.” she chuckles at that.   
“It’s okay if you’re not okay, Lucy.” I place my arm across her shoulders “I’m your husband I’m not just here for sunshine and daisies, I’m here for the rain that makes the daises grow too and the clouds that make us appreciate the sunshine.” She smiles at that too, I knew she’d like that.  
“Is that from one of your stories?” She leans into me as two more kids hold their bags out to us.  
“Trick or Treat!” They yell.  
“Oh!” Lucy giggles “I love wolverine and Storm!” Lucy throws a handful into each of their plastic pumpkin buckets.  
“Thank you!” the kids laugh and run to catch up with a guy that looks too young to be their father.  
“That’s cute.” Lucy sighs, resting her head on her hand. “Their brother took them out to trick or treat.” 

Seventy-five hours twenty-three minutes.  
========================================

Dear Natsu,  
Don’t wait for time, make time to do the things you like with the people you love.  
I love Natsu. I’ve wanted to be Mrs. Dragneel for so long and finally, finally it’s happened but I’ve been getting headaches lately. I think they’re stress headaches, with Owen and my mom and all of that but I’m getting worried. I’ve already made an appointment but that’s not until next week.   
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapter will be posted later today. we only have 10 chapters left after this, 
> 
> this journey is almost over so thank you for everyone who has tagged along and stick around for further announcements on the official book release.


	27. Honey moon Phase

Lucy pushes open the bathroom door while I wash my hair.  
“Juvia has another gift for us.” She calls in.  
I peek out around the shower curtain “I was kidding at first but now I kind of mean it…” I wipe the water off my face “what is it now?”  
“She wants us to have a kind of honey moon thing at The Ball… she and Grey insist on paying.” She offers a stiff smile. She hates accepting too much from people but this is a special occasion and The Ball is where we had our first date.   
“When?” I shut the water off.  
“Tonight.” Her smiles relax and she hands me the towel.  
“Alright but tell her this is the last one.” I secure my towel and follow her out of the bathroom.   
“she’s doing too much.”  
“She’s Juvia.” Lucy laughs “She always does too much.”   
“Yeah yeah.” I throw out the first t-shirt I find and jeans from my drawers. Lucy perches on the side of the bed and leans back on her arms.   
“It’s one of the reasons I love her so much.” She beams up at me.   
“I know.” I groan exaggeratedly flopping onto the bed beside her.   
“you know.” She mimics me as she lays beside me “then why are you complaining?”  
“Well I have to have something to complain about, my life is perfect.” I wink at her. she giggles,   
“You are extra flirty these last few days, you know that?” she tilts her head back so she can look at me.  
“It’s like we’re in the honey moon phase all over again.” I tell her “we can be extra gushy and lovey dovey… again!” I laugh.  
“We’re always lovey dovey and gushy.” She reminds me.  
“Yes.” I agree “but now it’s social acceptable without making anyone feel inferior to our perfect love.”  
“No one feels inferior to our—”  
“Ask Grey.” I smile triumphantly at her. She makes a face at me and points to the closet.  
“Dress me.” she says.  
“Not sure that’s a good idea…” I laugh nervously.   
“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” she smiles at me confidently “besides I’m going to dress you tonight.”   
“So, I’m going to look great and you’re going to be in your sparkly romper.” I tell her.  
“Why the sparkly romper?” she asks.  
“It’s what you wore last time to the club, so I know it’s something you’d wear.” I smile at her.   
“hmm… not sure about that answer.” She squints her eyes at me. “good memory but is it cheating?”  
“What?” I prop myself up on my arms “no way, it’s me being attentive as your then boyfriend and now husband.” She puckers her lips and narrows her eyes at me.  
“Okay.” Her features soften and she hops up off the bed. “I suppose I’ll give this one to you.” she surprises me when she goes to her closet.  
“what are you…”  
“You didn’t have a suit ready for you for the last-minute wedding so… here.” She unzipped the bag and presented a jet-black suit, crisp white button up with a white pocket square sticking out of the pocket.   
“It’s not new, I found it at the thrift store for a few dollars and your grandma helped me clean and patch it up. This is covering a stain.” She pinches the edge of the pocket square “but we thought it looked nice anyway.  
“Now you have you wear your wedding dress.” I smile at her as she reaches into the bottom of the bag and pulls out a pair of shiny black shoes.  
“She helped me spiff these up a bit too.” Lucy beams at me.   
Ninety-two hours and forty-nine minutes.  
***

“Who’s ready to celebrate the newly weds!” Juvia throws the door open with Grey just behind her. he dressed up tonight. Juvia’s all sparkly in a similar kind of outfit to Lucy’s except Juvia’s has bigger sparkles. They’re here early, they’re always early for going out night but they are especially early, I’m not even ready.  
“Oh… Natsu…” Juvia gasps at my outfit “Lucy!” she calls “did you let him dress himself again?”   
“haha, Juvia.” I give her a flat look “I’m not ready yet, we’re not supposed to leave until ten, it’s only nine.”   
“We’re going earlier.” Juvia declares. I glance at Grey.   
“Hey, I just do what I’m told.” He holds his hands up. “If she says, Grey we’re eating at Chipotle, is say cool babe, what do you want me to wear?”   
Lucy bounces out of the room with her romper on but with her makeup brush and compact thing in her hand.   
“Of course not, although I did let him dress me.” Lucy spins and smiles at me “he did a pretty good job.”  
“That’s cheating.” Juvia accuses “he saw you wear that last time we went.”   
“It’s not cheating.” Lucy and I say in unison.   
“Ew.” Juvia frowns “I thought we were over the gushy, we do everything, look how perfectly compatible we are phase.”   
“We’re newly-weds now.” I wrap my arm around Lucy’s shoulders “we have social permission to be as gushy as we want again.” I dip her back and kiss her for emphasis  
Juvia is narrowing her eyes at Grey when I step back from Lucy. Grey is glaring at me. I lean into her “told you our love made other feel inferior.”   
“Juvia, I love and appreciate you and will marry you right now if it will make you stop trying to kill me with your eyes.” Grey didn’t dare to touch her.   
“Nice try but the court house is closed.” Juvia flips her hair “we’d have to wait until tomorrow and just because Lucy is okay with the tiniest wedding in the history of weddings doesn’t mean I am.”   
“Then what will make you stop glaring at me?” he pleads with her.   
“I’ll let you know when I’m ready.” Juvia yanks Lucy away from me and into a hug. “I’m so happy for you.” she squeals and shoves me back “you go get dressed so we can leave.”   
“Yeah yeah, I’m going, Miss Bossy.” I rub the spot she palmed me. Juvia is a solid female. Where Lucy is gentle and delicate in everything she does, Juvia can be rough, I’m sometimes afraid she might accidently break Lucy.  
“Soon to be Mrs.” She glares after me and I laugh.  
“Don’t break him Juvia.” Lucy jokes with Juvia.  
“Just because you guys have the same last name now doesn’t mean my rights as your best friend are void, you know.” Juvia huffs  
“Of course not.” Lucy soothes her. “You know you always come first.”   
“Hey!” I call out.  
“Remember this!” Juvia calls back.   
“I love you, Natsu!” She giggles and I hear our fridge open.   
“Grey!” Juvia snaps at him “you can’t just take their food, Natsu never remembers to go shopping!”  
“That’s not true.” Lucy defends me even though it’s one hundred percent true. I tune them out and pull on the suit Lucy picked out.   
For the first time I can remember, I don’t feel like a kid forced to wear a suit. I feel pretty cool as I look in Lucy’s floor length mirror, the suit hits in just the right places, Lucy comes up behind me in her wedding dress with the flower crown trailing down her back, her hair in big loose curls and wraps her arms around my waist.   
“I love you, Natsu.” She whispers the words, as if she’s afraid of breaking the moment.   
“I love you too, Lucy.” Clasp her hand in mine.  
One hundred hours and twenty-seven minutes.   
====================================================  
Dear Natsu  
I think Juvia is happier about our marriage than we are. I’ve written so much in this thing lately. I’m happy I think. I actually want to remember this. Forever and I do want kids. I love kids so much but I’m so afraid that I won’t have any. I’m so afraid that this can’t possibly last. I want it to. I want it to so badly but Natsu, it can’t.   
My head hurts, Natsu, but I want to go out tonight. I want to have fun with you and Juvia and Grey. I can stick it out.   
Lucy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I appreciate your time and kind words.


	28. Times Up

Lucy rubs at her head as we meld into the crowd. Juvia and Grey immediately start dancing. Lucy and I might have a great relationship but Juvia and Grey make everyone around them clear the floor. Part from people just wanting to admire them and partly because who wants to dance next to people like Juvia and Grey? There’s just no way to look good next to them.   
“We’re gonna come over this way.” I lead Lucy a few steps into the crowd and leave Juvia and Grey to their spotlight.   
“definitely.” Lucy agrees, she rubs at her head again.  
“You okay?” I ask her.  
She nods. “mmhhmm.” She wraps her arms around my neck and starts to sway “completely okay.”   
“Are you sure?” I ask again.  
“Yep, one hundred percent I’m okay.” She says but her eyes are tight.  
“Lucy…” I say.  
“Fine…” she sighs “It’s just a little baby headache.” She smiles at me and the smile is genuine “It’s nothing, really.”  
“You’re sure, because we can go outside or I can go grab some Advil or something.” I sway with her, her smile softens.  
“I took some already, I’m just waiting for it to kick in.” She rests her head on my chest. “Everything is okay.” She says, “I promise.”   
She sways completely out of tune with the music. She rubs her forehead against my shoulder and her hands tighten around my neck.   
“You’re not singing.” I note.  
“just…” she trails off “just enjoying… time… you.” She says. I must have missed some words, the music is loud.  
“head ache gone yet?” I ask pulling her more tightly against me. I feel her head nodding against my chest.   
“Good, I’m glad… I’d hate for you to be sick on our honey moon.” I joke with her. she chuckles and kiss the top of her head. 

Time passes in a strange way with Lucy. It’s lie time isn’t passing and it’s like spending a beautiful lifetime with her. She leans heavily into me, she’ practically hanging on me now. She gave up on dancing a little bit ago.   
“Tired?” I ask her.  
“Um… I…” she trails off again. she’s usually a little more coherent but she had a headache before too.  
“Sit.” She say “I need to sit.” She hangs on me.   
“What’s wrong?” I as pulling her against my side as I lead her toward the door.   
“My head.” her face is contorted into a mas of pain, her hand buried in her hair.   
“I thought you said it was better.” I help her outside and sit her on the curb. She grabs her head and drops it into her lap.   
“I’m sorry.” She pants “I’m so sorry, I—” she winces and curls into a ball.  
“No, Lucy.” I sit beside her “it’s okay.”   
“my head.” she whimpers leaning into me.  
“Here, I’ll get us am Uber home.” I take my phone out and open app.  
“No, no—” She winces again, her fingers pressing into her head so hard they’re turning white.   
“hospital.” She pants “hospital now.”   
“Do you want an ambulance?” I rub circles into her back.  
“Uber is fine.” She forces out.  
“Are you sure?” I ask her. She nods and whimpers. I search for the nearest hospital. Lucy is trembling in my hands.  
“It’s fifteen minutes away.” I growl at my phone.  
“It’s okay.” She forces the words out. Her face is hidden from me but her body is so tense she feels more like a statue than Lucy.  
“Forget it.” I cancel the Uber “I’m calling an ambulance.”  
“Okay.” Her voice is small and stiff and something is wrong, something is really wrong.   
“Nine-one-one what is your emergency?”  
“Hello.” I don’t remember dialing the number.  
“Hi, yeah my name is Natsu and my girl-wife needs an ambulance.” I feel Lucy’s hand squeezing mine. I squeeze hers back.  
“What’s the problem?” The operator asks.  
“She has a headache.” I say stupidly.   
“A headache sir?” the operator asks.  
“Yes, a severe headache that is crippling her.” I snap “please, I need an ambulance, I think something is seriously wrong with her.”  
“Alright sir, can you tell me your address?” The operator asks  
“A club downtown called The Ball.” I tell her, Lucy’s hand relaxes.   
“Lucy?” I give her hand a squeeze  
“We have an ambulance dispatched for you now, sir, they’ll be there in a few minutes.” The operators voice sounds far away.  
“Lucy?” I say again when she doesn’t squeeze back. I grab her shoulder and try to pull her up.  
“Lucy!” I yell louder than I mean to. Her face is no longer contorted in pain.   
“Lucy!” I scream at her so loud my voice breaks. I can hear the sirens somewhere near by.  
“Lucy!” her body is no longer tense. I shake her “Lucy, wake up!”   
the red and white lights flash and someone grabs me.   
“Lucy!” Hands yank me back and white gloves pull her away from me.   
“Lucy!” I scream “get off, get off me, Lucy!” I grab at the hands on me, I can hear a voice right next to me but I can’t make the words out.   
“Lucy!” the white gloves take her. her eyes are closed, she’s not stiff but she’s still.  
“Lucy!” I scream again.  
“Sir!” A voice finally break through “She’s not stable, you can’t ride with her, you can ride with me but you have to calms down.” He doesn’t look much older than me.   
“Okay.” I nod and the paramedic pulls me up and ushers me into the car.   
“Natsu!” Grey calls to me.  
“What’s going on?” Juvia finishes.  
“Hospital.” I say before shutting the door. this paramedic chases the first as it whips through traffic,  
“What’s wrong with her?” I ask gripping the sides of the car to stay upright.   
“Did she fall?” he asks me as he takes a hard right.  
“no, we were dancing, she had a headache.” People talk about their heart pounding in their chest. They talk about how they see everything or how it passes by in a blur. I feel still and cold. With Lucy, it’s always moving and right now everything is still and really cold.   
“What your name sir?” the paramedic asks.  
“Natsu.” I tell him, my eyes on the ambulance Lucy is in.  
“is that you wife?” he asks. I nod  
“how long have you two been married?” he asks. I glance at the time eleven fifty  
100 hours seventeen minutes.  
“four days.” I tell him “tonight was our honey moon.”  
He’s silent, I don’t take my eyes off the ambulance in front of us.  
I leap out of the door and chase after Lucy inside but a group of paramedics stops me. I run straight into them, they grab me and push me back. they’re talking.  
“That’s my wife!” I yell “she’s my wife, Lucy!” I scream after her “I’m here Lucy, I’m right here!”   
“I got it.” The paramedic who drove me here leads me through the others and into the building but he steers me away from Lucy.  
“What are you doing?” I demand trying to yank free but he’s solid should’ve worked out more with Grey I could kick myself for it now.   
“Listen to me.” The paramedic grabs me by the shoulders “you can’t do anything for her, you wait here and let people do their jobs.”  
“but she—”  
“No.” He snaps, interrupting me. “you can’t do anything, all the men and woman back there with her, they are doing everything in their power to fix whatever happened, got it, you let them do their jobs and you do yours.”  
“I’m supposed to protect her!” I yell at him.   
“You are.” He lets me go “you’re here for her, you got her help, now let them help, if you can’t do that they’re going to kick you out and you don’t want to be that far from her.” his eyes are stern on me.   
I nod. “Okay.” I keep nodding.   
“Alright, your other friends will probably be here soon.” He pats my shoulder “take care, Natsu.”  
I’m still nodding. 

The doctor comes out of the room and walks toward me.  
“Can I see her now?” I run up to him “She’s okay now, right?” I ask.  
“Ms. Culpepper—”  
“Dragneel.” I correct him “her last name is Dragneel, we just… we just got married a few days ago, we were having a kind of honeymoon celebration” I don’t know why I just told him all of that.   
“Mrs. Dragneel.” His voice seems to thicken at that. “she had been diagnosed with an unruptured brain aneurism when she was ten.” He begins.  
“A what?” I can hear the words this time but that can’t be right, Lucy is healthy, she’s always active and doing things.   
“A brain aneurysm is a weakness in a blood vessel that fills with blood.” The doctor explains.   
I shake my head “okay, well, can I see her now?” I ask.   
The doctor sighs and places a hand on my shoulder  
“When her kind of brain aneurysm erupts it’s… fatal.” The doctor is watching me. I can’t quite understand him.  
“Can I see her now?” I ask again “is she awake so I can talk to her about this.” My heart is pounding in my chest. My throat is so tight I can barely breathe.  
“Mr. Dragneel.” The doctor places his hands on my shoulders. “she won’t be waking up.”  
The world must shift off its axis because the oxygen is gone from the room, the doctor’s words don’t make sense.  
“No…” I shake my head “no you’re wrong. you made a mistake.” My knees give out and the doctor is lowering me to the ground. “I’m sorry, Mr. Dragneel.” The doctor crouches on the ground with me. The tile is cold under my hands.   
“You’re wrong.” I say, “you have to go check again, there’s a mistake.” I’m shaking my head. I heard him wrong, Lucy is okay, she’s always okay. She’ll wake up tomorrow. She’s just tired.   
“She was gone before she even got to us.” The doctor whispers patting me on the back.   
“No…”   
“Natsu!” Juvia and Grey run and they’re around me. The doctor gives them a grave look before leaving me with them.  
“No…” Juvia is shaking her head. I don’t have to say anything, she knows it too. Something is really wrong.  
“Lucy!” Juvia runs to the ER doors. “Lucy!” she screams bursting into the room. “LUCY!” Juvia’s voice echoes through the halls. Grey lets her scream. He kneels beside me.  
“She okay?” his voice is tight. I shake my head and fold myself forward because I feel like I’m breaking. My chest aches, my lungs have forgotten how to work. I squeeze my eyes closed and drop my head to the ground. Grey falls back on his butt beside me and we’re just sitting there and Juvia is screaming and crying and Lucy…Lucy is sleeping.  
I glance at the clock on the wall.   
One hundred and three hours and twenty-eight minutes.   
============================================================================

Dear Natsu,  
I have a brain aneurism   
Dear Natsu,  
I need to tell you something  
Dear Natsu,   
I’m sorry I lied  
Dear Natsu,  
I’m sorry I tricked you into loving me   
Dear Natsu,  
I love you but I’m a time bomb  
Dear Lucy,  
Stop being a chicken and tell him before it’s too late.


	29. It Wasn't Fair

I’m numb as I walk into the room. Juvia is shaking. Grey is still as a statue. Juvia is the only one that has seen Lucy, she knows what to expect, but I don’t think that’s of any help.  
“She looks like she’s sleeping.” Grey’s voice is so low I can barely hear it. I inch toward Lucy’s side and I look down at her.  
“She knew.” I say, “she’s known since she was ten.” My voice is rough,  
“I can’t.” Juvia ducks out of the room. Grey hesitates. “you need some time with her.” He says before following Juvia out.  
I stand there beside Lucy, watching her. Her eyes are closed and her hair is messy. It could almost be any other night, accept that her chest is still. She’s not muttering nonsense or proclaiming discoveries. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to feel nothing when Lucymakes me feel so much  
“Hey, Mrs. Dragneel.” My words are stiff, stiff like she was while her brain bled when I held her in my lap trying to order an Uber.  
There is no ‘hey Mr. Dragneel’ back. I brush her hair aside then I tuck it behind her ear, she always has her hair all around her face.  
“is your headache gone?” I lean against the bed and it’s getting hot.  
“It wasn’t fair, you know.” I can’t help the anger filling the nothing “it wasn’t fair for you not to tell me. To keep a secret like this.” I think of how I love how she’s a bad liar, looking back she really is. She never lied, she’d just tell me in different ways. The way she appreciates everything.  
“I would’ve spent more time with you, I would’ve… I wouldn’t have wasted time trying to convince you to stay in bed. I would’ve done more with you.  
“I would’ve taken you to Paris and…and the Maldives and to all the places you wanted to go.” I grab her hand and I hold it, I kiss it. I love the way her hand feels around mine. I press her hand to my forehead and I feel tears slide down my cheeks and drop onto her arm. I push her hair back again. I love her hair.  
“I would’ve worked harder to give you everything.” My hand is tangled in her dark hair. I love the color of her hair. I lean over her and kiss her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, her chin and finally her lips. They’re soft and warm and still taste like her fruity lip balm. I love her lips. I pull back and I look at her face, the tiny freckles on her nose and cheeks. The almond shape of her eyes. There’s a fake lash hanging off her real lashes and I peel it away and throw it onto the ground. I love her eyelashes. I cradle her face in my hands and trail my thumb under her eye. “I love you, Lucy.” I tell her “I love you.” I say again and drop my head onto her chest. There is no rise and fall of her chest. There is no steady heartbeat to lull me to sleep.  
“Excuse me.” One of the nurses walks in “Your wife is an organ donor.” She sounds sad.  
“There is a young girl about two floors above us who is a match to your wife.” The nurse says. “The retrieval team is here.  
“Right now?” I ask, not opening my eyes.  
“Yes, sir.” The nurse says. I squeeze Lucy’s hand and I kiss her but I can’t move.  
“She’s still sleeping.” I say, “I’ll let you know when she wakes up.”  
“Sir…” the nurse trails off and the door closes and it’s just us and time is frozen.  
One hundred three hours and twenty-eight minutes. That is how long my life was more than I could have ever dreamed of. 

=================================================================================  
Dear Natsu  
This is my vow to you  
I didn’t know that I knew I was going to love you. We met by chance and you were so cheesy and cute and just you and it was the most honest and endearing thing I had ever seen. So, I said yes to our first date.  
I didn’t know it then, but that was when I said our first I do.  
I couldn’t have guessed that before we went on our first date and we danced and you called me the day before and you asked me what color I was wearing, and you showed up in the same color pocket square and tie and a beautiful corsage. I couldn’t have guessed that that was the second time I said I do.  
No one told me, that falling in love, into, honest, unconditional true love happens like making a friend in the sandbox as a toddler. You start to play together, then you share toys and then your mom takes you home but… you think about your new friend until the next time you see them.  
I didn’t know what true love felt like, until I met you, and I made a friend. I didn’t know that you say I do hundreds of times before you’re even asked.  
I will say I do everyday I have with you, Natsu. I will hold your hand through the highs and the lows, I will feed you chicken noodle soup from a can when you are sick and I will love you with every beat of my heart and every breath in my body… until death tears us apart. And even then, I will wait for you again and we can have more I do’s.  
I want so many more I do’s with you than the ones we’ve had. Than the ones we’ll get because even if I live out my entire life with this thing in my brain, it still won’t be enough. Still, I’ll treasure each one that we do get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> Thank you so much for tagging along with me, i was so excited to share this with everyone and I'm really excited to have this publiushed as a real book. 
> 
> Natsu's name is Theo
> 
> Lucy' - Lana
> 
> Juvia Shaina
> 
> Grey Alex
> 
> the story doesn't change much but webnovel also reached out to me and due to their fomratting requirments i'll be adding additional scenes likely flash backs for that version of it. 
> 
> it comes out on february 3rd 2021 
> 
> and just a excited side note one of my favorite authors MArlene Perez liked my ig Reel about my book and i about died. she also followed me on ig and i'm dying of happiness. 
> 
> i have a goal of 100 reviews on this story within the first two weeks. if anyone here would like a free e copy of this final book i would be more than happy to send one your way. 
> 
> i want to do a giveaway shortly after release and that will be on my ig @ nunchigoya 
> 
> i cannot thank everyone who has left kinds words for me on my story and has stuck with me. 
> 
> i will be posting the final chapter on February 3rd for the compeletion so post schedule will be every other day while i finish up edits and promotion for the book. 
> 
> again i can't thank you enough 
> 
> XOXO


	30. Lucy Likes Colors...

People ask a lot of questions at times like these and they call a lot too. I don’t understand why because it’s the worst time to ask question and call. I don’t want to talk to someone I haven’t spoken to in months. I don’t want to see messages on my Facebook from people I don’t even remember where I know them from. I don’t want to tell talk about how I’m feeling. I don’t want to do anything but wait for her.   
I wonder if she bought this suit so that I’d have something halfway decent to wear to her funeral. Is it ironic to wear, what’s technically my wedding suit, to my wife’s funeral? I don’t want to wear this, I don’t want to put on the shoes she bought me and I don’t want to walk out of that door and see her like that again.   
“Natsu.” Juvia’s voice carries through the apartment. Grey stands behind her. They’ve both got dark circles under their eyes, Juvia isn’t her usual dressed up self. Her hair is twisted into an acceptable bun.  
“Lucy likes colors.” I look at myself in the mirror. Black, all black. Juvia black dress and heels. Grey Black suit and tie.   
“she’d want to see colors.” I yank my jacket off and pull on the purple dress shirt my grandma bought me, the one I wear for Easter every year.”  
“Natsu—”  
“Leave it alone, Juvia.” Grey walks out of the room and leaves Juvia and me in the room.   
“She’s gonna want to see some color.” I tell Juvia. Juvia sighs and grabs my jacket from the bed. She helps me into it.  
“You look good.” Juvia’s smile is tight, her eyes glassy. “Lucy would love it.”  
“Lucy just likes to dress me up.” I snort a laugh and follow Juvia out.   
Grey’s eyes are red when we meet him at the door.   
“You look good, man.” His Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows.   
“Thanks, I think it has the Lucy stamp of approval.” I joke with them. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.   
***  
Lucy’s the kind of person that knows people. The kind of person that people love to love. The place is packed. There’s Felix the hotdog guy. There’s people with little dogs and big dogs, her clients probably but the owners are all misty eyed. Even the dogs seems to be sad, most of them are draped over arms, the bigger ones are laying on the ground. I don’t know this many people but Lucy, Lucy makes it a point to know everyone. My grandma made Lucy’s favorite croissants and set them on a small table near the back. I grab one of Lucy and make my way through the crowd. People stop to talk to me. I barely hear most of what they say but I get the gist. Lucy is an amazing person, this is a tragedy, I’m sorry for your loss… I don’t want to hear these people talk about her as if they know her like I do. As if they can even fathom just how amazing and how kind and loving and … Lucy she is. Lucy’s name should be what she is. It should be used like an adjective.   
“Hey,” That voice makes me freeze. That voice that makes Lucy stop smiling and laughing and being happy. I turn around where is Grey?   
“What are you two doing here?” I growl through my teeth at the sight of her brother Owen and her mother. I haven’t felt this kind of anger in a while, maybe not ever. Lucy makes you want to be a better person when she’s with you. I need her with me right now because I do not want to be a good person.   
“She was our family.” Her mother’s eyes are filled with tears and Owen just shifts from foot to foot while he looks at the ground. neither of them looks good.   
“No.” I take a step toward them “she had the misfortune of being born from you and paired with him” I jab a finger at Owen “but Lucy Mae Dragneel is my family.” I glare at her mother, who’s eyes are bloodshot and breath smells like Gin.  
“She is my wife and you two don’t deserve her.” I start to walk away.   
A hand clamps down on my arm.  
“Don’t talk to my mom like that.” Owen snaps at me. Lucy doesn’t like violence, she doesn’t like to see people hurt. Despite that and the very little training I’ve had I find my hand colliding with Owen’s face. He staggers and pulls me to the ground with him.  
“Owen!” Lucy’s mother exclaims.   
“Lucy was the most amazing person in existence and you treated her like trash!” I yell throwing another fist out. Owen pins me to the ground and cocks back his fist.  
“Hey!” Grey is here, he yanks Owen up in a head lock and shoves him against the wall. “messing with my friend is bad enough, but you’re going to do it here?” he demands.  
“Natsu.” Shaina kneels beside me “are you okay?”   
“I’m fine?” I push myself up as Grey shoves Owen away.   
“You get one more chance.” Grey warns “only because you’re Lucy’s brother and the least you can do is say goodbye to her, you selfish prick.” Grey hands are clenched into fists and his eyes are red. He turns back to me “you good?” He asks.   
I hold my hand up to him “didn’t break it this time.” He offers a half-hearted smile and nods.   
“Good job, man.” Grey walks away from us, both of us. Juvia stands beside me with her arms wrapped around herself.   
“He thinks he should have been able to protect her.” Juvia’s voice is thick.   
“That’s stupid.” I tell her.  
“I tried to tell him that—”  
“I should have been able to protect her.” I leave her threw and glare at Owen and Lucy’s mom.  
How is it that someone like Lucy was unlucky enough to get that as her family?  
=========================================================  
Dear Mom   
We don’t get along, that’s not a secret and you know why I left so we’re not getting into that.   
I don’t know if we’re ever going to see each other again so I wanted to leave a goodbye just in case. I hope the next time we cross paths we can all be friends. I hope you can get yourself to where you want to be. I hope you stop drinking because it brings out the worst in you. It’s part of the reason I don’t drink. I’m afraid there’s a monster inside of me. I think we all have monsters inside of us but we have to have the control. We have to keep them under control in our own ways.  
I love you anyway. I love you so much and I’m sorry my situation stressed you out so much. I know it must have been hard knowing I could die at any moment. You see, as much as I want to live and do everything, I’m not the one that actually suffers when I do bite it. I just go to sleep, life isn’t hard for me anymore so don’t drink because you’re sad about me. don’t be sad about me at all. If you do feel sad, go walk in the park, its my favorite place to find my happiness again. 

Owen,  
I don’t have a lot I want to say to you. I don’t want to be angry at you or feel hurt anymore but please stop it. Stop hurting yourself. Stop poisoning your body, you only get on so, take care of it. Take care of yourself and don’t forget to love yourself because at this point I can only love you from afar because I have to take care of myself too. 

I love you both so much, please take care.   
Love Lucy,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> Today is the day. Release day for Every Reason I Loved Her.
> 
> I have the biggest favor in the world to ask 
> 
> can anyone who has read this please go and review it on Amazon, the link is in my link tree on my ig @nunchigoya 
> 
> i have a goal of getting to 100 reviews in my first two weeks 
> 
> I'd really like to make the best sellers list so please follow my author profile on good reads and leave a review and if possible... maybe purchase or just share it around. 
> 
> request it at your local library if yours is open. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read and left comments. I genuinely appreciate your support and kindness.


	31. I Loved Her

I stand over her casket, she’s still beautiful but she’s not smiling at me like she does, she’s not laughing and she’s not looking off into space. Her mind isn’t wandering. I glance back at the room. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to stand up there and looks at everyone that loves Lucy and I don’t want to go up there and say goodbye.  
“Natsu.” Juvia prompts. I shake my head,  
“This is not good time for stage fright.” Juvia nudges me forward  
“I can’t.” I tell her “I can’t go up there and do this.”  
“You can.” She insists, “you can do it for Lucy.”  
“I can’t.” I hiss at her. she stops pushing me and looks me in the eye.  
“Natsu…” she trails off because, what is there to say?  
“I can’t go up there as if I’m never going to see her again and say good bye because that... that’s too final… that’ll be it and I…” I try to swallow the lump in my throat “I can’t say goodbye to her.”  
“Oh Natsu.” Juvia pulls me into a hug, squeezing me with all the strength I know is in her.  
“It’s going to be okay.”  
“Don’t tell him that, Juvia.” Grey snaps at her.  
“Grey.” She frowns at him.  
“No, don’t Grey me.” he barks at her “it’s not okay, this isn’t okay, Juvia and you know it.” He turns to me “and you, Lucy deserves a goodbye and you’re not going to get another chance to do it, so get up there and give her what you know she’d want…” he trails off as his anger dies away “god knows she spent her life giving other people what they wanted.” He sinks back into the wall and crosses his arms. He seems really focused on the stain hidden behind the vase.  
Somehow my legs move me up to the little podium stand. I unfold the paper with scribbles and creases all over it, it’s not finished. I’m not organized. I’m not good at making things look nice like Lucy is.  
I look out at the crowd, at Owen and his mom and then at the croissant in my hand.  
“I’d say good afternoon.” I begin, “but it’s not good… it’s really bad actually, the worst thing that could have ever happen.” I swallow hard.  
“I’ve never written a eulogy before, I just kind of spoke at my mom’s funeral so, I guess I’ll do it here too.” I clear my throat and place my hands on the stand.  
“Lucy is the most amazing person that I have ever met.” I expected more tears, more wailing from me. “she has this way of looking at everything as if it were special and when she looks at you, she makes you feel special.” I try to swallow the lump in my throat “if she smiles at you, and she smiles at everyone she makes eye contact with.” I choke on my own words “she always has a minute to spare for someone else, just to smile-er to say hi.” I shake my head, Lucyfeels like this impossible character, preserved in the pages of my mind.  
“She was too good.” I say, “she let others destroy her because she didn’t want to give up on people that had given up on themselves and that had given up on her years before.” I look directly at her mom “she doesn’t deserve that,” I shake my head at them and watch their eyes drop  
“Lucy is the kind of person that you just want to be around all the time because she makes you feel so good about yourself, the kind of person that makes you want to be a better person.” I look at my hands for a moment “the kind of person that just makes you a better person by standing next to you.” I lick my lips and try to swallow this lump in my throat.  
“I’ve never met someone who loves life so much, someone who appreciates every tiny thing that happens to her.” My eye instinctively look for Lucy, smiling in the crowd. “never gets angry at the people she loves because she’d rather spend the time working things out.” I struggle to breathe past the ever-growing lump in my throat.  
I stare out at the crowd of people who love Lucy; her old friend from first grade with the wild black curls, she wore her hair that way today because that’s how Lucy loved it most like that. A friend she met at the bridal shop she used to work at, she’s got purple and pink streaks through her brown hair. She brought Lucy’s favorite book, Peter Pan, she hasn’t stopped hugging it the whole time.  
I get why Lucy spaced out so much now, she wasn’t spacing out at all. She was admiring the things around her, taking in every detail, appreciating what she had instead of longing for things she didn’t.  
“Lucy is—was…” I try to get the rest of the words out, the weight of all the crowds eyes sitting on me. I’m a writer, I should have something more profound to say, especially about a person like Lucy. Lucy deserves an epic speech, a much better send off. Instead, I say the one thing I want to tell her, the only thing I want her to know.  
“I love her.” I say, clear and loud and I think everyone is thinking the same thing because I don’t need some profound, epic statement. Lucy is simple and real.  
The room dissolves into tears, I want to cry too but all I can do is stand here. Finally, my legs give out and I am on the floor at the head of a room in tears. Her mother and brother in the corner, tears and puffy eyes too bad they didn’t treat her better when they had the chance I feel no sympathy for them. They lost Lucy a while ago, they had time to realize what they had and when they came back, they just made her feel bad for taking care of herself.  
“Hey.” Grey joins me on the floor, no one dared to bring a drink. Lucy experienced every second of her life with a clear head, her joy was purely hers.  
“Hey.” I take a breath and all I can think of is the way Lucy would breathe her stress away and smile through everything.  
“Hey.” Juvia sits on my other side and wraps her arms around me,  
“Hey.” I say again.  
I love the way Lucy breathes I think as Juvia and Grey sit on either side of me and watch the room fall apart without Lucy.  
I love the way her heart beats  
“I love her.” I say out loud because I want her to hear it.  
“I know man.” Grey throws his arm over my shoulders and pulls me against his side.  
“I love her.” I say again  
“She loved you so much.” Juvia sobs, squeezing me with all the strength in her arms. I don’t want to hear that. That is the last thing I want to hear. I shake my head without realizing it.  
“I love her.” I say again “I love her… I love her… I love her…” my breath hitches in my chest and my words freeze in my mouth.  
“I—I…” why does this hurt so much? “I loved her.” the tears finally come and I can’t figure out how to stop them.  
“I Loved her!” I yell at the room? At the sky? At God? “I loved her!” I yell again.  
“I know man.” Grey seems to be at a loss for words too, fresh tears staining his face.  
“I loved her…”

=========================================================================================

Dear Grey,  
Treat Juvia right. I know you do and I know you love her but remember every reason why every day.  
Natsu has this notepad on his desk. I don’t know if he knows I know about it but it is the cutest thing in the world. he writes all the things he loves about me on it and it’s just this book filled with every reason he loves me and it’s as cute as “I love her shampoo” to something like “I love her spirit.” It’s not about how beautiful he thinks I am. It’s about real reasons he loves me. I look at it when he’s at work and I have pictures of the pages on my phone. I’m not saying do that same thing. I’m saying don’t forget to tell her you love her and why you love her. Don’t ever miss the opportunity to tell her how much you love her, anyone how much you love them. Actually, call your mom and tell her you love her. Call Natsu and tell him you love him because I know you two are best friends, more like brothers. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to anyone, to you, maybe I should but I don’t want to be treated differently. I don’t want to be labeled sick. So instead of being sad or angry, you can take one day to do both of those. Instead of staying sad or angry, live. Love and hold onto Juvia with all your strength and all of your heart because Juvia deserves that. And you deserve to feel each other’s love and never leave a doubt in each other’s minds about how much you love each other. Time is so precious and I knew I was running out. I know that I am running out even as I write this letter. I could die before I even finish the letter but I’m hoping I don’t because I still need to write Natsu’s. please help Natsu through this. Please remind him that I need him and Juvia and you to live for me now.  
I love you, Grey. Take care of Juvia. Love her every day because I won’t be able to keep our promises of growing old together. I really need you to do that for me, Grey. Love Juvia for me, please.  
All of my love,  
Lucy Mae Dragneel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading final chapters are getting posted between now and morning
> 
> 35 chapters plus one last dear
> 
> please please please if you have a moment give this story a review on amazon. 
> 
> add it to your good reads  
> IG @nunchigoya has all those links in a link tree in my bio.
> 
> share it with your friends. 
> 
> I really want to hit 100 reviews in my first two weeks.


	32. I Miss Lucy

Lucy hates beards, she says they’re scruffy and the one time I tried to grow one, her face broke out in a rash. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. My suit lays as lifeless as me over the chair, where I left it two weeks ago. I need to get up. I know I do… my grievance days were up a week ago at work but I can’t care. I can’t move.

The knock comes at the same, time as always.

“Good afternoon, honey.” Grandma closes the door behind her and opens the curtains, the ones Lucy picked up from the thrift store.

“Come on, Natsu.” She pushes my legs off the couch and opens up a lunch bag. Vegetable soup today. She says I need more vegetables. She says I’m depressed.

“Thanks grandma.” I’m not depressed, I just don’t know how to live anymore.

“How are you feeling today?” She asks pushing my hair off my forehead. “Trying the beard again?” She smiles but her eyes are missing something too.

“Lucy isn’t here,” I clear my throat “she sings to me while I shave and she can’t so…” I shrug and force myself to take another bite. Grandma is a fantastic cook, but this doesn’t taste like anything.

“well…” grandma struggles to find something to say but what is there to say? what do you say to someone who lost their soul?

“I could sing to you while you shave.” She suggests.

“I don’t think that’ll be the same.” I force another bite down while she watches me.

“I know it won’t be the same but at least you won’t be alone.” She smiles at me, her hand resting on my back and for the first time in a really long time, mom’s passing hits me. My chest is hollow, my body doesn’t want to move but the look in grandma’s eyes, so ready to help. It reminds me a bit of Lucy and find myself moving.

“Okay.” I stand up and head back to the bathroom.

The water runs into the sink in the same way it always does, the bathroom is the same as it always is, Lucy’s toothbrush sits in the cup holder, she wrapped a piece of floss around it, I don’t know why though, she does it to every toothbrush she gets.

“what does she usually sing to you?” grandma asks. I smear the cream over my face.

“I don’t know the names, she just starts singing” I uncap my razor “love songs, usually.”

“Okay.” Grandma’s smile is only halfhearted, I don’t think anyone knows how to live without Lucy. I don’t think the world knows how to keep going without Lucy.

I bring the razor to my face as grandma starts to sing. Grandma actually has an amazing voice, hers and Lucy’s voices are completely different and grandma used to sing to me when I was young. None of that matters when it hits me. I shake my head and drop the razor.

“I can’t.” My knees collapse and I’m on the ground. standing never felt so hard before. Breathing didn’t used to take so much effort.

“Natsu…” she sighs and sits beside me on the ground. she pulls me into her arms. I hold onto her but this doesn’t feel better.

I loved her hugs.

***

The table is different. All the chairs are filled but it feels empty. Lucy would be sitting next to me, grandma is sitting there. I think she’s afraid for me. I’d be afraid for me too if I could feel.

The food is tasteless and sits in my stomach like a sack of pebbles. No one really bothers me after the first few attempts fell flat. My cousins look at me with their big sad eyes and that gets me the most. I go up to my room.

Standing in the door way, my heart sinks into my stomach and my stomach doesn’t like it. I stare at the bed we had slept in just after our wedding. I should have married her sooner I sit there in the doorway and lean my head against the door frame. I loved being her husband I stare into the room. A perfectly preserved shrine of me before I went off on my own. Before I met Lucy. How could I have ever been happy before Lucy?

I can hear them all downstairs, the part a little quieter, a little less alive because Lucy makes everything alive. She is my sun and my earth and my gravity and my soul. I’m convinced I never had my own soul, she had it with her and when we met were whole and now I’m not while, now I’m just a shell.

A creak from the top stair brings me out of my thoughts but I don’t look at it. Aiden sits beside me, his mom got him into the same suit he wore to my wedding.

“why are you staring at your room?” he asks me.

“The last time I slept in here I had Lucy.” I tell him “I don’t want to ruin the memory by going in without her.”

“Oh…” Aiden’s eyes trail around my room before he sighs and folds himself forward. He rests his head on his hands and his knees on the floor. “I miss, Lucy.”

I look at him, almost startled by the words. I know everyone misses her, it’s obvious but no one says it, especially not to me. I watch Aiden for a second before resting my hand on his back and turning back to the room.

“Me too.”

***

Sleeping is the best solution for me because when I go to sleep, when I dream, I see Lucy. I keep having the same dream. Lucy and I in Paris and she’s eating a croissant and drinking tea and she’s smiling at me. It’s perfect again, we’re together and I have my soul back. Waking up is the hard part because I have to face the world without Lucy.

She says mornings are good because it means you get another day, what if I don’t want another day without her?

I don’t want another day without her.

I loved how she said good morning to me every morning

==========================================================

Dear Juvia,

Do you remember when we met? Do you remember how loud ad happy and full of life you were compared to me? I do. You almost scared me away but I saw you there, I saw who you really were behind the excitement and I knew I wanted you to be my best friend. I had to leave my other ones behind because I didn’t want my mom or brother to be able to find me. Anyway, that wasn’t the point here’s where I’m getting to. Do you remember when we just drove Florida and we hung out on the beach and played in the water and nothing else mattered because it was fun and we were adults and we didn’t have to leave, we didn’t have to answer to anyone and we were free, I was free.

This is kind of like that. I’m really sorry I never told you. You’re my best friend and I let you think we were going to grow old together. I mean there’s a chance we can, but I’m a time bomb and I just don’t want you to treat me any differently. Juvia, you are the kindest person I know and you would have given up things that turned out to be the best experiences of your life had you known.

I just don’t want to be the thing that holds you back. I want to be your friend, not a chain. The way everything is right now, that’s what makes me smile and it’s what makes me happy because it’s real and it’s us and no one is worried about time being wasted, we’re just enjoying the time we have right now and I love that. I love it so much and I love you so much, Juvia. There is so much I want to do with you and Grey and Natsu and because my timer is ticking away I don’t know if we can. Please don’t be sad for me. Don’t shy away from life because I’m not there anymore to share it. Live it for me. Laugh all the laughs I can’t laugh anymore and cry at all the movies I can’t see with you and buy those cute pair of shoes and rock them because you are beautiful and you are so smart and Grey is so lucky to have you.

I don’t have any huge elaborate goodbye but I want you to do one thing for me, Juvia. Live for me. live the life we both always want and just remember that I will always be here with you. Even if you can’t see me or feel me, I am there.

So live, everyday.

Just live.

With all of my love,

Lucy Mae Dragneel

==============================================================================

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so close to being finished, it has been a ride. thank you so much for the comments and i am literally begging you to leave a review on this book please please please. 
> 
> IG @ nunchigoya


	33. Lana's Ghost

The coffee shop feels wrong. The regulars already know. I don’t even know how they do because I didn’t tell them but they know and Hazel, the waitress who always waits our table knows and she tries to smile but the empty space beside me feels like an elephant standing in the middle of the room.

“here we go.” Hazel hands us all our coffees and then there is a cup of hot water and a tea bag on her tray and her hands freeze as she goes for it.

“Um… will-will that be all for now?” Her smile is a terrible mix of embarrassment and sadness.

“We’re good, thanks, Hazel.” Grey saves Haze from further mistakes. He drinks his coffee.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” A woman behind us says. I recognize her but unlike Lucy I don’t know her name.

“Thank you.” Grey says before I have to say anything. I don’t want to talk to them. I don’t want to feel like I’m stuck at the funeral with people saying how sorry they are and how unfair it is for Lucy to have been the one that this happened to.

Juvia stares at her cup. I want to ask her what’s wrong but my mouth won’t move.

“You okay?” Grey asks her.

“She always does the creamers.” Juvia says, her eyes filling with tears.

I look at the two bowls of creamers and sugars as if they’re waiting for Lucy too. Her coffee sits there expectantly. I can relate.

“It’s fine, Juvia.” Grey tries “just do it.”

“No!” Juvia screams. I think she surprised herself because she just sits there staring t the bowls as if they’re a snake that might bite her.

“It’s fine, Juvia, here just—”

“No.” Juvia snaps more quietly this time “she always does it and—and she stirs it for me and she—she—she…” Juvia’s breath comes too fast and her hands shake and she does the worst thing she could do right now. Her eyes slide to the empty space beside me

“Here.” Grey pushes his coffee aside and gets to work. Everything about me feels stiff, just like her when she tried to hide in my arms for protection and I failed.

My hands move forward and I’m peeling back the tops and pouring them in and Juvia sits there with tears streaming down her face, her eyes locked on Lucy’s empty spot.

Lucy found this coffee shop. She liked the tea selection there. She likes Hazel and she liked this booth. The empty space beside me feels like a fire waiting to burn me. don’t look I tell myself but Juvia is staring at it with her coffee in her hand. don’t look I warn myself as Grey’s eyes flicker over their every so often.

Don’t

Look.

I look.

And I get burned.

As we leave, our coffees paid for by one of the regulars who knew Lucy. I stop at the door and I look back at the coffee shop and I look to Grey with his arm around Juvia.

“I don’t think we should go here anymore.” I say.

Juvia and Grey’s eyes shoot up to me.

“but…” Juvia wants to argue but I can see it in both of their eyes.

“It just…” I try to swallow the lump in my throat again “I hurts too much.” I shove my hands into my pocket. “I’ll see you guys later.” I start to walk away but both Juvia and Grey stop me and pull me into their arms.

“Don’t lose touch man.” He squeezes me.

“Yeah.” I let them hug me but my arms don’t work. I don’t work anymore.

“seriously, Natsu.” Juvia says, “if you need anything please call us.”

“Sure.” I agree more to placate them than actual readiness to accept their help.

“We’ll stop by tomorrow, okay?” Juvia kisses my cheek and I pull away before I can see Grey and her walk away together. Lucy would be happy for them. I’m not as good as Lucy is.

==============================================

Dear Natsu,

I saved you for last because I didn’t know how to start yours. I tried hundreds of times but I kept thinking maybe you’d leave me and I wouldn’t have to write this letter but I’m Mrs. Dragneel now and I’m so happy. I thought the last one was good enough but then I became Mrs. Dragneel and I had to write a new one because you don’t deserve good enough. You deserve the best because that’s what you gave me. because that’s what you gave everyone else. Please, don’t be sad. Don’t be angry at me, at least not for more than a day because even 24 hours is a lot of hours to spend on being angry and sad on something you can’t change. I know I should tell you. I know you’d be supportive and you’d want to spend as much time as you can with me and have all those adventures we planned on but I didn’t want it to feel rushed. I don’t want to try and squeeze a lifetime of love into a time limit and then use all of your time. I want us to live a normal and simple and real love and that’s exactly what you give me. We fight over stupid things and we make up and you bring me flowers to put in the vase you made me on our fourth date to the pottery shack and I remember what you said. I remember everything you say to me, Natsu. I write them in my notebook and I treasure them in my heart and the times you catch me staring at nothing I’m thinking of all the nice things you say to me and I’m thinking of how nice our nights are, just holding onto each other. I don’t need grand gestures and I don’t need expensive vacations or big houses. I want life, Natsu. I want a normal life with someone who loves me for all of my quirks and for all of my spacey-ness and you give me that. You give me that everyday and I am happy with that. Not just content, not just for now, I am HAPPY with that. I LOVE that.

I know this isn’t fair. I made you think that there was a forever possible for us and I know I stole your time and that isn’t fair. I know that, but I didn’t think I was going to find someone I love so much my heart beats faster at the thought of your name and it slows down when I’m in your arms. Someone who laughs at all of my quirks and treasures me as if I were some kind of precious gem and someone who knows all of the little things I like.

I JUST LOVE YOU, NATSU. I love you so much it hurts. I love you so much my only regret is that I might not be able to grow old with you and fight over memories we can’t quite remember right and tv shows that you like and I like and whether we should go out or stay in with each other. I regret that I might not be able to keep my promise to stay with you. Forever. I knew it was a lie when I said it but I just wanted it to be true so badly, I thought maybe if I said it out loud, if I swore it in front of everyone, that it might be true. I knew something was wrong though. It wasn’t anything that could be tested or fixed, it was just there, inside of me. I had a feeling and I was selfish when I said we should get married. I am so sorry I did that to you but I’m hoping you’re looking at it like I do. I’m hoping that for as much as it hurts, the memories we both have now are worth it.

I don’t know how this whole dying thing works. I don’t know if I get to watch over you guys or if I’ll just be sleeping or if I’ll be reincarnated into the next dog you own, but loving you is worth it. Loving you and being loved by you is worth anything that comes along with it.

I know I’ve hurt you and I know you don’t owe me anything because you’ve already given me everything but I’m going to ask for one more favor. Smile for me. Love for me. Live for me

With all of my love, your friend, you significant other, your wife

Lucy Mae Dragneel

========================================================

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: 
> 
> I'm going to beg again... please. please Review this on amazon.
> 
> if you want a free ebook message me
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> Thank you so much


	34. One More Song Lucy...

Whoever said it’s better to have loved once than not at all was a liar. This hurts, this hurts more than I can explain, more than I ever thought I could feel. Lucy made me feel the good stuff. I don’t know how to feel this much bad.   
Everything about it hurts, the emptiness of the house I can’t afford without her. The absence of her teas in the morning and throughout the day. I have too much time now, too much time to think. I don’t want this much time to think, I don’t want to think about her or feel like this. I just don’t want anything… anything but her. I want her.   
I feel insane as I run out of our… my apartment, trying to get away from the memories tormenting me. Her voice embedded in the wall, her pillows sitting on the bed untouched, her blanket still strewn across the bed because she was going to fold it back when we got home, but she never got back home.   
“That wasn’t fair, Lucy.” I try to swallow the tears in the back of my throat. “You can’t just do this to someone.” It doesn’t take me long to start panting. I don’t focus on cardio. I write. I wait tables, I love Lucy. I don’t do much.   
“You can’t make me love you like that and then just…” I lean against a building to catch my breath. “Just leave.” I keep running “you can’t just leave like that!” I scream, people are looking, the sky is full of sun and blue skies and it feels like a traitor because it moved on so quickly. The wind bites at my face and the traitors sky stares down at me as I run. I don’t know where to go or what to do or how to move on. how do you move on without your soul?

My legs knew better than me because here I am. At the park where Lucy sang and danced and she made others dance just because they saw how much fun she was having. I stand there, at the empty park. It’s too cold for kids. Lucy would still come out and we’d walk and then we’d go home and she’d put tea on.   
I want her to sing to me right now and I want her to make me dance in the middle of the park and not care if anyone thinks we’re crazy. So, I do something I haven’t had to do since my mom died. I ignore reality. I go into a story. One with Lucy.  
“Hey, Natsu.” Lucy’s smile is as radiant as ever, I take her in my arms and she pulls me along. Her steps are as uncoordinated as ever but she feels warm against the cold. I rest my head on top of hers and she holds me.   
“Sing to me.” I say as we circle alone in the park with the winter wind nipping at us. Lucy is bundled up in her orange jacket and her green sweater. I bet she’s wearing her jeans lined with the fleece and her smaller brimmed fedora.   
Her voice fills my ears and everything inside me aches.   
“What song is this?” I hold her tighter against me trying to draw strength from her.  
“Winter by Joshua Radin.” She buries her face into my neck, her hand sliding up into my hair.  
“you sing this one a lot.” I say. she nods into my neck.   
“I love you, Natsu.” She holds me tighter. “I love you so much.”  
“I love you too, Lucy.” I squeeze her “please don’t leave me again.”  
“Don’t hide from life, Natsu.” She says “don’t forget to live, please, Natsu, please don’t forget to live.”  
“I can’t do it without you though.” My eyes sting.  
“Yes you can.” She says “you can, I was just one chapter in your life, this isn’t the end of your book.”  
“I can’t.” I say again “I can’t live without you I don’t know how to.”   
“Oh, Natsu.” She presses a kiss to my cheek “yes you do.” She steps back and takes my hands in hers. Her hands are cold.   
“I don’t.” I shake my head “not anymore, not after you.” she brushes her fingers over my cheek and she keeps humming. 

“Are you okay, young man?” A voice shatters my story and I’m back in the cold. Lucy is gone, her touch, her voice, her warmth. It’s gone again. winter has never felt so cold.   
“um…” I clear my throat and try to regain some composure “yea, I’m fine… thanks.” I pull my beanie down. Lucy got it from a small thrift store in new Jersey, she and Juvia took a trip there once, a girls weekend and she brought this back.   
“You don’t look fine.” The man looks vaguely familiar but I everyone looks different to me now. He sits on the bench and pats the seat beside him.   
“I should really go…” I trail of as he sits there waiting for me. “okay.” I sit beside him, he’s got a hat on and he looks a little like the guy who fixed woody in Toy Story.   
“You!” I exclaim finally piecing the face with the necklace around my neck.   
“Where’s your dancing partner?” He asks.   
“She uh…” I don’t know what to say, everyone knew it already. I’ve never had to say the words. I’ve never had to break the news to anyone.   
“she had an acc…” no that’s not right, she didn’t have an accident.  
“she um…” I don’t know what to say.  
“I see.” He says and I see it in him too. A light goes out in his eyes.  
“how do you…” I trail off again, I can’t seem to finish anything anymore.   
“If it’s this hard to find the words to say it,” he shrugs and gestures where he found me “You were dancing with her just now?”   
I nod “I’m not crazy, I know it wasn’t real.”   
“It’d be nicer to be crazy.” He says. I look at him.  
“crazy people don’t know it’s not real, they see things and believe they’re real and maybe that’s not so bad sometimes.” He nods looking out at the park.  
“This was my wife’s favorite place.” He says. “I come here because it makes me feel close to her.”   
“This is the first time I’ve willingly left my house since…” another unfinished sentence.   
“Yeah,” he nods “took me some time too but we have to stop being selfish.”  
“What?” I physically jerk away from him, surprised at his words.   
“The people we love, they love us too, they don’t want us to be sad for them.” His eyes follow the trail of the park around, the same trail Lucy and I walked almost every day.   
“I don’t know how to live without her.” I tell him.   
“Me neither.” The man chuckles “but I ask myself ‘what would my wife make me do right now?’ and that’s what I do.” He slides a glance at me “I think yours would make you shave that beard, it looks a little funny on you.” he tilts his head around “especially with that little patch missing.”  
I never could bring myself to finish the shaving. I wasn’t going out anywhere, Lucy isn’t here to make me do it.  
“they try to help.” I sigh “my friends, my grandma.” Is shake my head “it’s just that…”  
“Everything reminds you of her?” he guesses.   
I nod “and then it just hurts.”  
“It’s like you can’t breathe?” he guess again.   
“Yeah.”  
“No one can replace her and while they mean well, everything they do to try and help just makes it worse.”  
“how long has it been?” I ask him.  
His eyes get sad then, really sad “a year now… today.” He looks to me “you?”   
“four months and twenty-five day.” I don’t think there is a heart in my chest anymore. I think Lucy somehow took that with her too because it’s not my heart that aches, it’s everything around it. The hollow cavern where it should be.   
“still fresh.” He rests a hand on my shoulder. “Natsu, what would Lucy make you do right now?”  
I don’t have to think. “we danced already so we’d go home and she’d make tea and she’d drink it out of her favorite cup and we’d sit together. I’d write and she’d read or she’d practice drawing or…” I sigh “it doesn’t matter, she’s not here to make me do anything.”  
“I guess you’ll just have to make yourself do it for her then.” He smiles at me, it’s not like Lucy’s smiles, not like he’s trying to share his happiness with me but his smile is understanding. His smile makes me feel like, for the first time in months, that I’m not alone.   
“Now go on home and make a cup of tea.”   
“okay.” I start home. I don’t want to do anything.

My hands take care of everything as they go through the familiar motions of heating up the water, taking her cup down. It still has a lipstick stain on it from that day. I don’t wash it. I set it beside the kettle and I take out a cinnamon apple tea, she wouldn’t want too much caffeine so close to bed.   
I ignore the eviction letter on the table and I take the cup back to the room, where Lucy danced in the morning with a cup of tea in hand and something sweet in the other. I stop in the doorway. I haven’t slept in it since… I haven’t crossed into it. Grey and Juvia got my things out of it for me. My clothes sit in a basket beside the couch. They let me borrow a pillow and blanket from their house.   
I take a step into the room and I can smell her. my knees are weak as I force them to the bed. I go to my side at first but my legs lead me to hers and then I can’t stand anymore. I collapse on the bed and sit on her side with her tea in my hands. Her bedside table has a lamp she had from before I met her, it’s got strands of lace and ribbon and sparkly things over it. She decorated it herself. Random things she took off of other things she found at various thrift stores. She loved this lamp.   
I take a sip of her tea and it feels like her kiss. I take another drink, the spice of the cinnamon and the sweetness of the apple. Funny, for all the times she had this tea, I’d never tried it. I hug her cup to my chest because it must still hold a part of her with it. She held it and cherished it everyday. I open her drawer and see handfuls of pictures. Our wedding pictures on the subway on the top. The ones from coffee and tea with Grey and Juvia below that, pictures of nights gone out. Pictures she took while I was sleeping and she posed beside me. Something bubbles up in my chest. I’m sure it’s a sob but that’s not what comes out. I set her cup down and I pull the pictures out push them out over then bed and I’m laughing.   
The pictures are full of Lucy and me. Pictures of us on the couch, of her on the couch and me writing beside her or sitting at the table. Mornings at the kitchen table and of her sitting in the bathroom while I shower. I laugh at the pictures of us in the thrift stores, she dressed me in the most ridiculous costumes and then she took pictures. I go back for more but there’s no more, instead, there’s a note.   
There’s a lot more on my Instagram  
;)  
And if you’ve found these I imagine something bad has happened so you can read my diary now and please give Grey and Juvia their letters too

Under the note is a box, there and under the box is her journal, it’s a brown hard cover book with a pink flower at the bottom corner. I open the box first and find the strips of paper I wrote to her. The ones I left for her by her tea to cheer her up telling her the reasons I love her. I take them out one at a time ‘I love your laugh’, ‘I love your smile’, I love the way your nose wrinkles when you’re trying to figure something out.’ I pull the strips out one at a time. some have tea stains on them or water damage on the corners. My breath hitches in my chest and tears sting my eyes. I turn the papers over in my hands and find her handwriting   
I love the way he cares so much  
I love the sound of him tapping at his keys late at night  
I love how his eyes are the perfect color of chocolate.   
I love his chestnut hair   
I love how well he knows me  
I love it when he makes me smile  
My chest aches at her handwriting, at the things I didn’t even know she thought. I should have known though I should have guessed. I set her notes aside. I want to read them one day at a time. Like the notes I left for her to cheer her up or to remind her how much I love her. I reach for her journal and open to the first page.

Dear Diary  
“To live would be an awfully big adventure”   
-J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan 

I find my heart then because I can feel it breaking. Below that is another quote. 

“Stars are beautiful, but they may not take part in anything, they must just look on forever.”

― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan  
Natsu, if you’re reading this you can skip to the last page and then go back and read it at your leisure. The last page is really important. 

My hands shake, my heart is very much there as it pounds at my ribcage. I flip to the last page.

Dear Natsu,  
I’m writing the last page in advance because I want you to know that it’s okay, Natsu. It really is. When I started this diary, I wanted to leave something behind so that I could live through this book somehow. But it’s okay, I don’t want that anymore. You give me everything I could ever want. I get to experience what real and true love feels like and I get to be loved by you and I get to love you and I realize now, that that’s all I want. I want to live the most I can with whatever time I have and you give that to me, every day we’re together and I get to see you smile and spend time in your arms.  
Here’s where I’m going to ask you for a favor.  
I want you to live and have adventures and find love again. I want you to look at page one of this book because you are not the stars, you don’t have to watch, you get to live and be apart. So, page one, you’re on page one and I’m on the last page and that’s okay. It’s okay for you to live and adventure and love. Please, Natsu, love again.

***

It’s morning. I’ve been scrolling through Lucy’s Instagram all night, reading her letters and her journal. She recorded everything in some way. She made an entire story of our relationship. She even posted the picture of when we first met. She snapped a picture of both of us. Both sweaty not because I was running but because I it was hot out. I found myself in a strange mixture of tears of anguish and bursts of laughter at the memories. The videos she posted just singing random songs with a small dedication to me a in the caption. I recognized the songs as she sang them and I let them play and I listened to them and for right now it’s like she’s here with me.   
What would Lucy make me do right now? I cradle my phone in my hand.   
“Shave…” I push myself up and step into the bathroom. I leave her video on as I shave. Lucy would be upset if she saw me right now. If she saw how much time I was wasting.   
“What now?” I tap my fingers along the sink.  
“Tea.” The kitchen is quiet. The house is quiet. I ignore the eviction notice and turn on the kettle. I take my laptop out and start it up. A picture of Lucy and me sitting on the park bench is there and I find my heart again, still beating, somehow.   
I go to open my story to continue working on it but I click on a new document instead. My fingers go ahead on their own. 

I hear her music before I’ve completely woken up. I can hear her feet padding along the carpet as she dances to her music. I turn over and watch her.

=========================================================================

To die will be an awfully big adventure  
-J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan  
=======================================================================

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty guys... one more chapter. This has been so fun
> 
> please show this story some love on amazon or good reads
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> and the full spread is on my ig story and will be posted later as well.
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> Thank you so much again. oi appreciate all the comments and love I've received across the different platforms.


	35. Lucy's Story

It still hurts. People say time heals all things but I don’t think that’s that case. After eighteen months and four days, it can still be crippling. I think what happens is you just get used to it. It’s a kind of numbness most days and then intense pains other days because you bumped the tender spot but she wants more for me than to live between numbness and agony. So, I have to live for both of us even if some days all I can do is lay in bed and look through her Instagram and stare at the pictures I hung all over our walls. I’m really glad she liked pictures so much. 

“Hey!” Grey and Juvia wave to me from the back of the café. We don’t go to the other one anymore, it was too hard, the regulars looked at us with pity and the waitress who always served us couldn’t quite muster a genuine smile without Lucy smiling back. I can’t blame her.  
“Look at you Mr. Author you.” Juvia hugs me. “Got meetings to go to, book signings to attend.”   
“Yeah.” I swallow hard. These are the hardest days. She’s smiling but no one ever quite got their smile back.   
“Come on, I’m starving.” Grey throws his arms over mine and Juvia’s shoulders and leads us to the tables. Grey has always been strong but something in him broke when Lucy died and I don’t think that was ever coming back either.   
“I’m star struck” the waitress, gasps fanning herself at the sight of me. “I’ve got none other than Natsu Dragneel, best-selling Author sitting at my table.” She’s got a bit of a southern accent  
“Hey, Margo.” I greet her. She sets out a coffee for me and she pours the creamer into Juvia’s coffee for her. She can’t pour her own creamer, there’s things we just can’t do because it hurts too much. Lucy used to open the fifteen creamers and fifteen sugars Juvia takes in her coffee. Juvia having to do it herself is just another reminder that Lucy isn’t coming. Sometimes we slip up and we talk about Lucy as if she were just running late. We go through her Instagram a lot. That’s probably not healthy but we can’t move on, not in the way where we’re supposed to live without her, as if she were some inconsequential piece of our life. Lucy was life embodied and I don’t think anyone who knew her would dispute that.   
So, we have coffee together a few times a week and I write. I still work at the restaurant because its one of the few things that makes me get out of my new studio apartment. Smaller is better, it doesn’t feel so empty.   
There’s something ironic about all of this. I had the girl but not the life to give her. Now I have a promise of a future and I don’t have the girl. I want the girl.

“I’d better get going.” I finish off my coffee and leave a few bucks for my stuff.  
“Are you sure?” Juvia asks, her brows drawn together in concern. She and Lucy are a lot of like. I don’t know if Lucy picked up some of her gestures from Juvia or the other way around but sometimes it hurts too look at Juvia.   
“Yeah.” I swallow the lump in my throat and give Lucy and Grey a hug.  
“I’ll see you guys later.” I start to pull away but Grey holds onto me.  
“Juvia and I are proud of you, man.” He says, “Lucy would be proud of you.”  
I nod and pull away.  
“Yeah… she would be.” I’d rather her be here with me.

***

I sit across from Mr. Garrety, my new writing agent, he smiles “your book is selling like hot cakes. But why did you kill her, why not have Lucy and Natsu walk into the sunset?”  
I chew on my inner cheek. I got what I wanted. I published a best seller.  
“Because people love tragedies.” I say around the lump in my throat “and losing her was the greatest tragedy.”   
“So…” he brushes my words away, those particular ones weren’t making him any money so why listen to them?  
“What’s the next project?” He asks me.   
“Not sure yet.” I tell him honestly. Maybe you’re not supposed to be honest with your agent. Maybe I should have talked it up. I have a few projects but none of them are going to be as good as Lucy’s story. Her story might not have been full of drama and have some great purpose or meaning but Lucy was simple and real and that’s how everyone should know her. 

=================================================================================  
Dear Lucy,   
I don’t know how to live without you because I simply can’t live without you but here’s the thing. I will keep living for you and that’s really all I can promise you because when someone like you walks into a person’s life and you teach them how to breathe and love and live, you can’t expect them to live on their own anymore. It’s like asking someone to live without a newly installed pace maker. You’re my pace maker and then you just left so of course I can’t keep my heart beating.  
Anyway, I’m gonna do it for you, Lucy. I’m gonna live for you, because you asked me to, because you can’t anymore and I believe that one day we’re gonna meet again because it doesn’t make sense to me that life would give me you and then take you away forever. So, I’m going to do what you did and I’m going to watch everything and I’m going to take pictures and when we meet up again I’m going to show you all of it. 

Natsu,

P.s. I’ll be counting the minutes.   
===================================================================

“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away mean forgetting”  
-J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and sharing this ride with me. I hope you can find the time to review my book on it's now main platform. 
> 
> I will Leave this up and hope others enjoy this story as well. 
> 
> I am asking for reviews because this will be the beginning of my writing career and I desperately want to be an author. Reviews help others decide to buy the book and give it a chance so I am please asking that if you have the time to support me like you have done here I would greatly appreciate it
> 
> This work was one of the last things my mom was helping me edit before she passed and did not get to complete it the editing. 
> 
> Love stories are not typically my strong suit but she was a romantic. 
> 
> she loved a tragic story but not one where it's off and on again flings. this kind, where they love each other and the only thing that got in their way is fate. 
> 
> My Mom's name was Barbara Maya. She was supportive in the best way she could be. she critiqued my work bluntly and without mercy. which hurt my feelings at time but i never had to worry if she liked it or not. 
> 
> May 1964-November 2020
> 
> I was raised by my mom and grandma, my grandma is the one who was the most supportive and made me promise to give this career path my all and so i am trying my best. 
> 
> Both people are raised me and offered me support in their own ways are gone. on my release day yesterday I wanted to be happy but it was honestly kind of sad for me. the two people who would have cried and who had seen me working from the time I was eleven years old to hone my craft and study writing were not there to celebrate it with me. 
> 
> I would genuinely like to thank everyone who left kind words for me here and have been so supportive of me. 
> 
> I really hope to see you here for future stories, maybe join me in my upcoming writing pursuits and I'd love to see you on my other social media, comment that you're from the fanfic and I'll follow back. 
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> I can't thank you enough. 
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> I wish and hope the best for all of you and hope this is not the last time we interact with each other. 
> 
> Thank you
> 
> XOXO  
> p.s. i also have a contract with webnovel and this will be available (not the fanfic version) on there

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, The first night up, this will have 3 chapters posted and beginning tomorrow January 1/10/2021 there will be a minimum of 1 chapter pasted until the completion of this story. if i have more time i'll make multiple posts. I appreciate the read, comments and of course kudos.  
> thanks again  
> XOXO


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